I just had half a glass of cheap Riesling; after finishing, I realized that I nonchalantly grabbed the bottle from the fridge, poured myself a glass, enjoyed it...all while being 2.5 weeks away from the age of 21...OOPS. I also have 1.5 hrs left of battery life on my laptop so here goes.
So, as...2 of you may have heard, I was laid off from work. It was a strange experience because my feelings were all sorts of jumbled up. In order I was mostly mad, relieved, didn'tgiveafuck and sad. Our new project manager came into the office 2 Wednesdays ago, introduced himself, and talked to us 1-on-1. Notes of the things he said to me and my nonverbal, italicized rebuttals:
-It's not about you and your work; your work is great.
-How would you know, you don't even know how the studio works and you don't know anything about fashion. You're Indian and wearing jeans with studded cowboy boots.
-We just have to cut back on our budget just as the company we're doing this project with is cutting back.
-What about the _ _ million dollars that was invested in our company? What about the contract that company signed with ours to do that project?
-We also took seniority into account when it came to who to let go.
-You stupid bitch, I've been here the longest (out of the people that have the same job position). I've probably been here longer than you, AND I know I do the BEST work out of everyone.
***
I didn't cry, which is good. I have turned into an emotional wreck on many occasions and I also cry when I'm extremely angry with authority but there was definitely no crying this time. I really hated getting laid off by a complete stranger, but at the same time, I knew I wanted to leave...just 2 paychecks later. I know for a fact I was laid off because I MENTIONED I was planning to move to LA in August. On the other hand, I really wanted to quit first instead of getting laid off because I NEVER get to settle things, I usually become lazy, passive, or I just let others walk all over me.
Anyways, I left the ex-workplace right after the bomb was dropped, didn't really say goodbye to anyone...my supervisor looked at me with a sadface and mouthed "sorry..." then turned back to her computer.
LISTEN TO THIS: Work people are not your friends. They're just work people.
I drove back to my mom's work, ordered a Turkey Bacon Avocado on sourdough with a root beer and fries, bought a suitcase from TJMaxx, then got picked up by my boyfriend and his stepdad and headed to Roseville. I had a lovely post-layoff weekend in Roseville. Got 2 Droid X's, watched the midnight showing of Inception, went to the state fair...really lovely.
Saturday night we drove back to Union City and I told my mom I was planning to go down to LA with Max to look at apartments. And at this very moment, the night 8 months after I tell her I'm planning on moving into an apartment with my boyfriend, she says no. So we talk. And I cry, because she says lots of stupid, irrational things and I want to scream stupid, irrational, MEAN things but I can't. Max did quite a bit of speaking for me which was much appreciated and endearing, but I was sorta proud for the things I said on my part. It basically came down to a few things; Mom's points and me and Max's responses in italic:
1.) Thai/Asian society: A girl shouldn't live with a boy unless they're married.
Thai/Asian society doesn't need to know. If they find out it's only because you (Mom) tell them. Also, it's best for couples to live together before they decide to get married because then you know you're domestically compatible.
2.) If you move out, you won't be covered in our health insurance.
I didn't have the facts up from, but through CalHealth.net I could be covered for $80-$150 a month plus there are free clinics.
Mostly, my mom was fine with me not having health insurance...as long as I was living with a girl. Me and Max will be taking care of each other. He is my driving force. It's not like I'm going to move to LA for fun; I will find work. In the end, my mom was/is not okay with it...it came down to my dad getting home from work, being a part of the conversation for 30 minutes plus awkward silence, then, "Mom, you just gotta let her go." PS, My dad had recently purchased a motorcycle, an action which my mom has expressed infinite angry disapproval of, so he is on my side even though I didn't know about the bike in the first place!
So, off to LA we go!
I can't believe I spent an entire week in Irvine/Los Angeles. A mix of watching the Avatar series, watching his friends play video games, me playing PC games and getting frustrated, swimming at the pool, looking at apartments, helping Max apply for classes at Pasadena.
We finally got an apartment! We must've looked at 8-10 places and although the place we got isn't perfect, I love it so much and we'll make it perfect.
Also, apparently I have good credit because I got my credit checked for our Droids and the apartment.
Anyways, I caught a flight back to SF and my parents cancelled my car insurance because they thought that me spending this week in LA looking for apartments was me actually moving to LA for good. On the flip side, I got back my job as a subclerk for 2 weeks; they actually want me for an additional month which I can't do. But here's the thing, I'm so thankful to be working for the next 2 weeks because Max is doing training in Utah and this job provides me good income and something to occupy me for 2 weeks. The real thing was that the office had been wanting people for a while and that led me to realize that I had a FAST, bomb ass time in Socal for an entire week!
I wish I could work at the office longer but I want to move to LA so bad. I've been applying for jobs as the come up and only got one follow up so far. I've been selling some of my belongings...my mannequin, for $40, my beach cruiser for $100, my sofa chair for $60. All things I COULD'VE made more money off of...I got soooo many replies. I have a mirror and a reprint of an Emile Bellet work which will be hard to sell, but in Irvine I have an unworn Betsey Johnson dress and the tag said $350. I also have $194 in coins I need to turn in to cash.
Things are moving so fast. Next Friday (8/6) I get my braces off, the following Monday (8/9) I get 2 of my wisdom teeth out and Max officially gets done with training in Utah, and I'm supposed to be heading to LA the Wednesday (8/11) after. On top of that, my last check from my ex-company wasn't even signed so I sent it back, ugh. Then on top of that, working with the school district also means I won't get paid til the end of the month. Events are coming by so fast and my money is moving fast.
I already put down the first month's rent on the apartment, my wisdom teeth extraction will be financed with no interest for 6 months, I have to pay for our first month's bill on the Droids which is due the same day as the next check for the apartment. Then, on Monday, August 16th, AKA MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!! We're flying to New Orleans. I already paid for the hotel a month ago so it's happening. For real. Even if it means skipping breakfast, eating a cheap lunch and a non-extravagant dinner and no shopping involved, IT IS HAPPENING. Yes, I'm financially fucked after August...not really, but I want to have fun.
Since April when Max left for his first training, life has been pretty sucky. Both of us have been working up to this point, getting the phones and the apartment and finally being together. I really want this last hoorah in New Orleans before I officially start my career. I also hope my face isn't too swollen when I go to New Orleans. Lots of meds and icing for the pain and massaging my cheeks to move the blood.
Oh God! And then! I'm going to Europe with my friend for 10 days!!! The trip is paid for but I have to pay for her plane ticket which hopefully doesn't go over $500. That means I'll be sitting in economy with her. Haha.
I hope my money lasts!
I will have to be super stiff with my money, but I imagine that a lot of college/high school grads that have gone world traveling did so on far less money than what I have. Let's hope so! Wish me luck please!
7/31/10
7/26/10
6/30/10
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm."
-George Carlin, one of JLHS's finest music teachers.
-George Carlin, one of JLHS's finest music teachers.
6/29/10
There's a cemetery deep below the sea
They're the spaces reserved for fools like me
Tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
but nothing seemed to turn out right
Now I'd rather wait a half a century
soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
nothing seems to turn out right
Something's gotta turn out right
If you want then when we die
we'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
There's no one who imagines like you
so convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
Tell me, do you still feel this?
As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing that I'll do
I will tell them I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
And I'll face the one who made
my disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
They're the spaces reserved for fools like me
Tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
but nothing seemed to turn out right
Now I'd rather wait a half a century
soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
nothing seems to turn out right
Something's gotta turn out right
If you want then when we die
we'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
There's no one who imagines like you
so convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
Tell me, do you still feel this?
As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing that I'll do
I will tell them I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
And I'll face the one who made
my disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
6/27/10
You are the light of my life.
Is it strange to say that at 20 years of age I am sure that my life's happiness depends on one person?
I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.
...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.
If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.
When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.
I can't live without you.
I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.
...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.
If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.
When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.
I can't live without you.
5/26/10
Upwards
Because of the slowly emerging effects of that wretched carpal tunnel in my right wrist and forearm, I've been forcing myself to keep my computer off once I get home from work as well as weekends. It's been hard. I have loads of blogs that I MUST check up on every night haha...so sometimes I try to use more of my left hand.
This week has been great. I'll start by writing about everything that happened since last Monday.
The weekend before and thru Monday/Tuesday, my great uncle and his new girlfriend came for a visit. My great uncle was general of the Thai Navy and his new girlfriend is a doctor. I'm not entirely sure of what she did but she got a PhD from John Hopkins. Now, just by reading about their professions, you'd think that they'd be stuck-up Asians, but no...they were fun. They also spoke English very well. I didn't get to hang out much so that was that.
On Wednesday I went out to dinner with my parents and their friends Golf and Fon. Fon had just returned from Thailand so we had a really nice dinner at Epic Roasthouse on Embarcadero. The food was so-so, the drinks were good, but the seating was magical. Reservations were impossible to get, but upstairs seating was a free-for-all. We managed to get a table tucked away in the corner with floor to ceiling windows and views of the rest of the Embarcadero as well as the Bay Bridge. The seats were cozy leather sofa chairs. The atmosphere was soooo cozy. The food was BLAH, so if I were to return with company, it would have to be for drinks only. Even the dessert sucked. I had a lavender lemonade which was good. My mom had a rose-infused cocktail, and the rest at our table had a well received tangerine beer.
Friday I got a call from Max and he was especially short with me. About a minute into our call he had to get off the phone for a breather or something because I was THAT irritating haha. He gets that way if he has a sucky week at training. It's a little tough to deal with. It's hard to find things to talk about and since we don't see each other often, you'd think talking about my day would suffice but a civilian's daily routine is just dumb compared to the things a Marine does. Or any military personnel. It's my own little reminder that I just have to suck up all the "horrible" things that happen during my bad week because everything Max is going through is 10x worse. Max was having a bad week in general with training, but he also hadn't been paid since he started at the end of April. By Saturday it was fixed though, which was great. During the evening Sam and I attended Logan's gala for the theatre which was fantastic. Semi-formal galas with VIP seating don't happen often in the city.
On Sunday night I met up with Candice and AJ at Paddy's which was fun. I don't hang out with people often (because I don't care to) and I had a good time catching up. Both of them are hilarious and just flat out wonderful. Unfortunately Natty (hello!), who introduced me to the two, is still in SD. To this day I'm still surprised by how close we've gotten; we've probably hung out a handful of times since I met them in New York. AJ got a job at Google which is soooo MAJOR LEAGUE! I don't think he even understands how epic that is.
Yesterday I had my mom talk to Max's mom and yes, I'm going to Disneyland this weekend! My dad has been more accepting of the future "When are you moving out again?!?!?" "When can I take you off my phone plan?!?!" but my mom wants me to ask permission for everrryyything.
I'm growing tired of my work day by day and I'm growing more and more excited about LA. I check Craigslist for apartments aaaall the time even though I know by heart the names and locations of the apartment buildings I have in mind. I read the reviews on Yelp, Apartment Ratings, etc. I follow all the Downtown LA news blogs...I can't wait. I'm also very ready for a new adventure as far as work. I feel like I'm just a machine. I'm not contributing any ideas, I only have one singular responsibility, I don't have a work email address; I hardly exist. I'm ready for something new.
Aaaand, that's it.
This week has been great. I'll start by writing about everything that happened since last Monday.
The weekend before and thru Monday/Tuesday, my great uncle and his new girlfriend came for a visit. My great uncle was general of the Thai Navy and his new girlfriend is a doctor. I'm not entirely sure of what she did but she got a PhD from John Hopkins. Now, just by reading about their professions, you'd think that they'd be stuck-up Asians, but no...they were fun. They also spoke English very well. I didn't get to hang out much so that was that.
On Wednesday I went out to dinner with my parents and their friends Golf and Fon. Fon had just returned from Thailand so we had a really nice dinner at Epic Roasthouse on Embarcadero. The food was so-so, the drinks were good, but the seating was magical. Reservations were impossible to get, but upstairs seating was a free-for-all. We managed to get a table tucked away in the corner with floor to ceiling windows and views of the rest of the Embarcadero as well as the Bay Bridge. The seats were cozy leather sofa chairs. The atmosphere was soooo cozy. The food was BLAH, so if I were to return with company, it would have to be for drinks only. Even the dessert sucked. I had a lavender lemonade which was good. My mom had a rose-infused cocktail, and the rest at our table had a well received tangerine beer.
Friday I got a call from Max and he was especially short with me. About a minute into our call he had to get off the phone for a breather or something because I was THAT irritating haha. He gets that way if he has a sucky week at training. It's a little tough to deal with. It's hard to find things to talk about and since we don't see each other often, you'd think talking about my day would suffice but a civilian's daily routine is just dumb compared to the things a Marine does. Or any military personnel. It's my own little reminder that I just have to suck up all the "horrible" things that happen during my bad week because everything Max is going through is 10x worse. Max was having a bad week in general with training, but he also hadn't been paid since he started at the end of April. By Saturday it was fixed though, which was great. During the evening Sam and I attended Logan's gala for the theatre which was fantastic. Semi-formal galas with VIP seating don't happen often in the city.
On Sunday night I met up with Candice and AJ at Paddy's which was fun. I don't hang out with people often (because I don't care to) and I had a good time catching up. Both of them are hilarious and just flat out wonderful. Unfortunately Natty (hello!), who introduced me to the two, is still in SD. To this day I'm still surprised by how close we've gotten; we've probably hung out a handful of times since I met them in New York. AJ got a job at Google which is soooo MAJOR LEAGUE! I don't think he even understands how epic that is.
Yesterday I had my mom talk to Max's mom and yes, I'm going to Disneyland this weekend! My dad has been more accepting of the future "When are you moving out again?!?!?" "When can I take you off my phone plan?!?!" but my mom wants me to ask permission for everrryyything.
I'm growing tired of my work day by day and I'm growing more and more excited about LA. I check Craigslist for apartments aaaall the time even though I know by heart the names and locations of the apartment buildings I have in mind. I read the reviews on Yelp, Apartment Ratings, etc. I follow all the Downtown LA news blogs...I can't wait. I'm also very ready for a new adventure as far as work. I feel like I'm just a machine. I'm not contributing any ideas, I only have one singular responsibility, I don't have a work email address; I hardly exist. I'm ready for something new.
Aaaand, that's it.
5/12/10
Blogger Bomb
Didn't have a good weekend at all. Max's family was down in Socal for a day trip to Disneyland so Friday night I call my dad (while he was at a dinner party with mom) and ask to book a ticket to Irvine. He gives me the info. Then I ask if I could leave at 8pm because the Saturday flights didn't arrive in Irvine early enough. Dad's all irritated because I'm asking too many questions so he passes the phone to mom. Of course mom is going to say no to my trip. Well, not even. She says, "let me think about it" and I'm FLUSTERED because I was trying to leave for the airport asap! She completely ignored me.
Saturday, I decided I needed time away from the house. Away from my room, away from my computer, away from my work. I spent the day mostly window shopping. I spent more time wandering slowly, killing time than spending money. Mom asks me to bring the car home, I ask why, she says "because I want to wash the car". WTF, did you check the weather? It was supposed to rain hard the next day. She says, "Why do you need to be out shopping for 10 hours?" I say, "To distract myself from not getting to go to Disneyland". Mom freaks the fuck out. Calling me a slut, telling me staying at my boyfriend's place is inappropriate and "what is society going to think?" and blah blah blah. God dammit, I just wanted to fucking go to Disneyland for one stinking day. My mom can run her mouth about something silly like me forgetting to wash the dishes for hours, so while she was yelling from the other room, I snuck outside to the backyard to eat lunch. :P
I'm so sick of all this "slut" nonsense. My dad fucking asked Max to mow the lawn to which he obliged. Would any guy do that for a girl's parents if he only wanted to get into her pants? And this "society" bullshit, OK, we go to a Thai temple sometimes where you expect people to be nice and civil but no, it's so goddamn boring there that people need to gossip about each other to make friends. And "society" is made up of all the rich women comparing their wealth, diamonds, and Louis Vuitton purses. They don't give a fuck who I'm dating and they wouldn't know that I would be sleeping at my boyfriend's place unless my own mother tells them about it.
Sunday was really unfortunate because my sister was extremely stressed from school and I was just feeling buttloads of angry so nobody wished mom "Happy Mother's Day". She barges into my room like, "helloooo, Haaaappyy Mothers Daayyy...." and I repeated it like so: "...happymothersday". She leaves and mutters under her breath "damn ungrateful kids". Just a couple weeks ago I got super pissed because my sister was being an outrageous bitch towards me when just the day before Max and I spent hours traveling all around town to buy tons of shit for her birthday party. When my mom told me to explain why I was all pissy, I said "She's obnoxious and ungrateful and I do all this stuff for her and then she still treats me like shit" and mom says "well, she's young. she doesn't know. you can't do things for people and expect things in return" WTF? So I should do things for people that wouldn't even have the common courtesy to even whisper a tiny little "thank you"??? Anyways, my mom was being the uber contradiction on Mothers Day, all butthurt about me not verbally telling her that when just the day before she called me a slut. "Aww thanks mom, thanks for never hearing me out, treating me like an employee and calling me a slut!
Monday my mom drove speed limit all the way to work so she interrogated me. Of course, no matter what I say on my part or how I say it, she brings up society this, respect your body, communicate blah blah blah. I try to stay far away from lowblows, but I'm honestly trying to train my mom, so I let it out that my sister isn't as youthful and angelic as my mother thinks. I have been getting the heat "you're the older sister, you need to be the example" but in reality, my sister is still lazy and spoiled and she's been with more guys than I have. I'm so sure that my mom holds on to the image of Max when he was 15 and treats him like shit.
There are a lot of things I've got to train my mom on:
1.) Cursing. I'm pretty strange in the sense that I don't react to people's reactions. Not in an autistic way, but in a "oh shut the fuck up already" way. So when I do intend to react, my emotions don't come off right. So I guess cursing helps put a little conviction in my voice.
2.) Talk more about moving in with Max
3.) Bringing up things I know she disapproves of so I can argue with her and change her mind. My mom is so conservative it's stupid. Gay marriage, weed, premarital sex and living arrangements,
4.) Constantly reminding her about how my sister is treated (like a princess) in comparison to me.
Then, there are things I have to deal with until I leave:
1.) Greeting my parents, asking them about their day (I really don't care)
2.) Letting them know ahead of time what my plans are
3.) Letting the planet Earth die a little bit because I probably won't get to spend the night in Roseville ever again. If I get pulled over by the green police due to my high carbon footprint, blame it on my crazy asian mother.
***
My relationship with my parents is so strained. I've been raised like a boy from my dad. I never was the princess. I had to do work. I had to help out. I had to do everything for my sister. I had to do everything for myself. And now I'm feeling like I've been raised to be so independent that I don't even know how to love them. I don't even know how to try. Now I can see that the reason me and my mom fight so much is because I'm spending more time with my boyfriend and not with my family. My mom's grasp on me is weak, and I don't need her for anything. I'm pretty sure a lot of a mom's sadness comes from their kid not needing or wanting their help anymore and I've been that kind of kid for a loooong time.
Also, I was definitely more fond of my family when I was away. So moving away will be a good thing. I don't need or want to see them every day or have to talk to them everyday.
Saturday, I decided I needed time away from the house. Away from my room, away from my computer, away from my work. I spent the day mostly window shopping. I spent more time wandering slowly, killing time than spending money. Mom asks me to bring the car home, I ask why, she says "because I want to wash the car". WTF, did you check the weather? It was supposed to rain hard the next day. She says, "Why do you need to be out shopping for 10 hours?" I say, "To distract myself from not getting to go to Disneyland". Mom freaks the fuck out. Calling me a slut, telling me staying at my boyfriend's place is inappropriate and "what is society going to think?" and blah blah blah. God dammit, I just wanted to fucking go to Disneyland for one stinking day. My mom can run her mouth about something silly like me forgetting to wash the dishes for hours, so while she was yelling from the other room, I snuck outside to the backyard to eat lunch. :P
I'm so sick of all this "slut" nonsense. My dad fucking asked Max to mow the lawn to which he obliged. Would any guy do that for a girl's parents if he only wanted to get into her pants? And this "society" bullshit, OK, we go to a Thai temple sometimes where you expect people to be nice and civil but no, it's so goddamn boring there that people need to gossip about each other to make friends. And "society" is made up of all the rich women comparing their wealth, diamonds, and Louis Vuitton purses. They don't give a fuck who I'm dating and they wouldn't know that I would be sleeping at my boyfriend's place unless my own mother tells them about it.
Sunday was really unfortunate because my sister was extremely stressed from school and I was just feeling buttloads of angry so nobody wished mom "Happy Mother's Day". She barges into my room like, "helloooo, Haaaappyy Mothers Daayyy...." and I repeated it like so: "...happymothersday". She leaves and mutters under her breath "damn ungrateful kids". Just a couple weeks ago I got super pissed because my sister was being an outrageous bitch towards me when just the day before Max and I spent hours traveling all around town to buy tons of shit for her birthday party. When my mom told me to explain why I was all pissy, I said "She's obnoxious and ungrateful and I do all this stuff for her and then she still treats me like shit" and mom says "well, she's young. she doesn't know. you can't do things for people and expect things in return" WTF? So I should do things for people that wouldn't even have the common courtesy to even whisper a tiny little "thank you"??? Anyways, my mom was being the uber contradiction on Mothers Day, all butthurt about me not verbally telling her that when just the day before she called me a slut. "Aww thanks mom, thanks for never hearing me out, treating me like an employee and calling me a slut!
Monday my mom drove speed limit all the way to work so she interrogated me. Of course, no matter what I say on my part or how I say it, she brings up society this, respect your body, communicate blah blah blah. I try to stay far away from lowblows, but I'm honestly trying to train my mom, so I let it out that my sister isn't as youthful and angelic as my mother thinks. I have been getting the heat "you're the older sister, you need to be the example" but in reality, my sister is still lazy and spoiled and she's been with more guys than I have. I'm so sure that my mom holds on to the image of Max when he was 15 and treats him like shit.
There are a lot of things I've got to train my mom on:
1.) Cursing. I'm pretty strange in the sense that I don't react to people's reactions. Not in an autistic way, but in a "oh shut the fuck up already" way. So when I do intend to react, my emotions don't come off right. So I guess cursing helps put a little conviction in my voice.
2.) Talk more about moving in with Max
3.) Bringing up things I know she disapproves of so I can argue with her and change her mind. My mom is so conservative it's stupid. Gay marriage, weed, premarital sex and living arrangements,
4.) Constantly reminding her about how my sister is treated (like a princess) in comparison to me.
Then, there are things I have to deal with until I leave:
1.) Greeting my parents, asking them about their day (I really don't care)
2.) Letting them know ahead of time what my plans are
3.) Letting the planet Earth die a little bit because I probably won't get to spend the night in Roseville ever again. If I get pulled over by the green police due to my high carbon footprint, blame it on my crazy asian mother.
***
My relationship with my parents is so strained. I've been raised like a boy from my dad. I never was the princess. I had to do work. I had to help out. I had to do everything for my sister. I had to do everything for myself. And now I'm feeling like I've been raised to be so independent that I don't even know how to love them. I don't even know how to try. Now I can see that the reason me and my mom fight so much is because I'm spending more time with my boyfriend and not with my family. My mom's grasp on me is weak, and I don't need her for anything. I'm pretty sure a lot of a mom's sadness comes from their kid not needing or wanting their help anymore and I've been that kind of kid for a loooong time.
Also, I was definitely more fond of my family when I was away. So moving away will be a good thing. I don't need or want to see them every day or have to talk to them everyday.
4/22/10
Personal
Max is gone for 9 weeks. I'm sad :(
He checked in to his training thing Tuesday afternoon and I didn't get a call from him. I was flipping out. Did he really leave without saying goodbye? I had NO IDEA when or if I'd get to hear from him. I started to feel anxious, nervous, sad, short of breath. I thought I needed a cigarette or a cry. It was really hard NOT to go to the store to pick up cigarettes. I thought about why I felt the need to smoke and it was because I thought it would help me to inhale and exhale. Pathetic.
Luckily, he called at about 9pm and we talked for 10 minutes. He asked me to call his mom to let her know he was okay so once he left I called her. We chatted for a couple minutes and I think she could hear me bummed out and stuff so she said "If you miss him too much you can call me, okay?"
I cried a little bit once I got off the phone.
You see, my parents have been in Hawaii the entire week. They called me once on Monday for about 5 minutes and they don't really care about how I feel. I miss Max. I've been home by myself the whole time. The only time I verbally speak is at work. I wish I had a dog or something :P
Work has been consuming me. I don't really care to do anything else especially if it involves spending money. I just got asked to assist with styling at work tomorrow which should be good.
I've truly been surrounded by suck. Gossip Girl, Modern Family, and Grey's Anatomy have all been repeats. The only good movie that has been on tv was Remember The Titans. My tape/mp3 player thing for the car hasn't been working so my lonely drives to work have been plagued by mainstream radio crap.
Ahhh suck suck suck. I've been enjoying work though. Working harder, interacting more, pitching in to help...I'm kinda like my boss now, who is a raging workaholic going through a divorce, haha.
I'm passing the time at home by rewatching Generation Kill and "working out" which sadly only consists of pushups and crunches. Surprisingly, after 4 months of general physical inactivity, I've been able to do (consecutive) 40 pushups and 200 crunches. Since I've been out of school, I don't even walk anymore. I used to take breaks inbetween classes to walk and explore the city. No I just walk to and from the car to my office.
I guess what really bugged me was not getting to say goodbye to Max earlier on Tuesday. I didn't have that comfort. I felt so much better after he called and even though I only MAYBE be hearing from him during the weekend, his call gives me something to look forward to.
...Aaaand I just cut my nails so I can pick up my guitar again. Three days down, 70 to go.
He checked in to his training thing Tuesday afternoon and I didn't get a call from him. I was flipping out. Did he really leave without saying goodbye? I had NO IDEA when or if I'd get to hear from him. I started to feel anxious, nervous, sad, short of breath. I thought I needed a cigarette or a cry. It was really hard NOT to go to the store to pick up cigarettes. I thought about why I felt the need to smoke and it was because I thought it would help me to inhale and exhale. Pathetic.
Luckily, he called at about 9pm and we talked for 10 minutes. He asked me to call his mom to let her know he was okay so once he left I called her. We chatted for a couple minutes and I think she could hear me bummed out and stuff so she said "If you miss him too much you can call me, okay?"
I cried a little bit once I got off the phone.
You see, my parents have been in Hawaii the entire week. They called me once on Monday for about 5 minutes and they don't really care about how I feel. I miss Max. I've been home by myself the whole time. The only time I verbally speak is at work. I wish I had a dog or something :P
Work has been consuming me. I don't really care to do anything else especially if it involves spending money. I just got asked to assist with styling at work tomorrow which should be good.
I've truly been surrounded by suck. Gossip Girl, Modern Family, and Grey's Anatomy have all been repeats. The only good movie that has been on tv was Remember The Titans. My tape/mp3 player thing for the car hasn't been working so my lonely drives to work have been plagued by mainstream radio crap.
Ahhh suck suck suck. I've been enjoying work though. Working harder, interacting more, pitching in to help...I'm kinda like my boss now, who is a raging workaholic going through a divorce, haha.
I'm passing the time at home by rewatching Generation Kill and "working out" which sadly only consists of pushups and crunches. Surprisingly, after 4 months of general physical inactivity, I've been able to do (consecutive) 40 pushups and 200 crunches. Since I've been out of school, I don't even walk anymore. I used to take breaks inbetween classes to walk and explore the city. No I just walk to and from the car to my office.
I guess what really bugged me was not getting to say goodbye to Max earlier on Tuesday. I didn't have that comfort. I felt so much better after he called and even though I only MAYBE be hearing from him during the weekend, his call gives me something to look forward to.
...Aaaand I just cut my nails so I can pick up my guitar again. Three days down, 70 to go.
3/15/10
3/14/10
Random Picture Roll
Lanterns I purchased from TJMaxx. It was totally an impulse buy, but Killer enthusiastically agreed that they were "AMAZING" and perfect for OUR apartment. We bought all 4 to ensure that nobody else would have them. =P
I love my job. And I love the iMac. It's perfecto when it comes to Photoshop.
My bomb-ass sammich from Specialty's. It's an edited order of the Roast Turkey Sandwich with Ciabatta bread, minus vinagrette, minus mayonaisse, plus whole cranberry sauce, plus stone ground mustard. YUMMMM.
Trying to work with my mom's PC at work was a nightmare. I spend hours trying to download a trial of Photoshop and it didn't work.
An old picture of Killer and I. He choked me when I stole that green watch on his wrist, then ran to a shed crying and talked to a turtle.
The jacket of a 2-piece Kenneth Cole suit Killer picked up from Nordstrom Rack. Marked down to $300 from $600. Slim fit, navy blue with black pinstripes, 2 button, lots of pockets.
At that dinky faire across from Oracle Arena. =)
At HQ for the little launch party the day our website went live. This is everyone that works at the photo studio, including others, and a guy on webchat...working from Argentina or something?
Yea, they have massage chairs at HQ. Imagine doing photoshop from a massage chair. That'd be fantastic.
Aaand, I miss Killer. A whole lot. I only want one friend, I only need one person in my life, my safety net has been downsized to one person ...but he's at drill =( This is just a weekend thing too! Gahd, then on April 22nd he'll be gone with no means of communication for 9 weeks. and then a few weeks later he'll be gone for another 2 weeks.
dfjhsdlkfhlakdhfkajdsfnfsdfdbfjkdkfjbsf <5! =(
3/12/10
COLD TURKEY!
Killer is at drill this weekend. Usually he comes home every night and we get to talk/text throughout the day but this particular weekend he's sleeping at Pendleton so he left his phone in the car. It's really hard not having him to talk to all day. skdjfskdsdSo, Dear Killer, I purchased $150 worth in gift certificates for Restaurant.com for a grand total of $12 so we can do more of the dining as seen above. Maybe I should buy more gift certificates =P
On Friday, March 5th I picked up Killer from the airport and we headed to Burlingame for dinner at Sappore Italiano Restaurant. The food was served relatively quickly. Starting with the breadbasket which was served with a delicious olive oil/tomato bruschetta. I had spinach and cheese ravioli which was also very fresh and yummy but not as yummy as Killer's rigatoni with this unexplainable AMAZZIIIING sauce.
We were seated between two other couples, an old couple that seemed to be enjoying each others' company but didn't bother to hide their glares when I pulled out my debit card to pay for dinner, and this other couple that made us wonder why they weren't divorced.
Oh, before dinner we picked up a bottle of Wilson Creek Almond Champagne that we sipped at home.
Lovely day. Late post.
Friday Cryday
Dear Killer,
You're away at drill for the whole goddamn weekend, cell phone phone excluded, and I've only got two things to say to you.
TAKE CARE OF ME! BUY ME SOUP!!!
The orthodontist placed a chain, wire, and another chain over my teeth. My face hurts!!!
ajsdfhljfkljsdfkaj
Love, Chou-fleur
You're away at drill for the whole goddamn weekend, cell phone phone excluded, and I've only got two things to say to you.
TAKE CARE OF ME! BUY ME SOUP!!!
The orthodontist placed a chain, wire, and another chain over my teeth. My face hurts!!!
ajsdfhljfkljsdfkaj
Love, Chou-fleur
2/28/10
Weekend
I had a fantastic weekend. I'm also veryyy tired but I needed to post before the effects of this weekend wear off and this post gets lost in the land of lazy.
On Friday I picked up Killer bright and early from the airport; this time with no confusion as to the difference between the Arrival and Departure levels or the upstairs and downstairs. At 8:30am, Killer took the wheel from SFO Int'l and we drove to Roseville. The drive was pleasant; not too many cars on the road except for that damned construction going on where the 92 meets 880 in Hayward. We spent the day lounging around and sleeping in while it was pouring rain outside. I didn't get much sleep the night before because I technically work a full Monday-Friday but with two "work at home days" during the week. When I plan to hang out with Killer, which doesn't happen often, I just scramble to do all my work through the night so I can hang out with him during the day while staying somewhat near my computer to consistently upload work during work hours. We had a nice home-cooked dinner with his parents. I am not a big fan of red meat but Killer's stepfather works some sorta magic when it comes to meat. I enjoyed lamb for Christmas and ribs for that night's dinner. Around 8:30pm we left Roseville and had a nice and easy drive back to Union City. **Both drives were nice and pleasant because I didn't do ANY driving. Thanks Killer =)
Saturday we kind of...lazied around until it was time to head out. First, we had a disgusting lunch at Burger King although we were both craving it at the time...then felt yucky afterwards. Second, drove to Kmart so that I could pick up some black flats, then headed to the Berkeley Thai Temple to get dressed up in Thai costume for the Chinese New Year parade in SF =( I had to wear this 3/4 sleeve button-down shirt which was so tight around the chest area (Asian-Americans grow bigger boobies when raised in America and Thai costumes for females definitely do not accommodate any sort of body type apart from that of a nine year old boy) and this bolt of fabric wrapped in a half pant/half skirt thing. My costume could have been worse, and I HAVE been through worse, so they made up for that by giving me a "Bump-It" hairstyle and told me to make my makeup darker. As a fashion design student, omg, alumni I mean, wearing something I dislike is like stripping me of my dignity. I felt really ugly and uncomfortable. I also felt bad because they dressed up Killer. Our parade entourage was small and pretty bland. I was freezing by the end of the night and changed right on the sidewalk of Columbus Street. Also, I was having problems with my "time of month" and making a mess of myself but thank goodness Killer is not easily disgusted by naturally womanly things and took care of me well =) Post-parade Killer and I had a FANTASTIC dinner at Cafe Rouge on 4th Street in Berkeley. I can't wait to share more nice dinners with him. Having good food with good company gives me a sort of sustained happiness high that lingers for dayssss. NO MORE CHAIN RESTAURANTS! Except for the occasional BK French Fries or In-N-Out.
Sunday, watched Firefly and Vice Magazine TV before taking Killer to the airport. Which sucked.
=( Miss you already.
Overall, had a really really great weekend. =) But I still miss my person.
2/25/10
Dear Killer, we MUST find this meal. I love the tater tots in a pot and milkshake in a beaker. So cool!This morning on the drive to work, my mom is trying to get into the carpool lane and mutters under her breath "Stupid lady in the carpool lane, I hope you get arrested." Eventually, that lady speeds up a little, giving room for mom to merge into the carpool lane, and there I tell her "Mom, she's got an infant in the backseat". Whomp Whomp. Crazy Asian Mother.
We're finally getting our own tables and SPACE at the office. My supervisor is looking at desks at Ikea. No more folding tables! I hope that eventually they get me and my fellow photo editor get iMacs because Photoshopping on my little MacBook screen is very annoying.
MAX IS COMING TOMORROW! yay!
Very very rarely I find a song I like on the radio. Right now it's Unthinkable (I'm Ready) - Alicia Keys ft. Drake. Alicia Keys is pretty much the only female on the mainstream radio that can sing and play an instrument aka an actual ARTIST, not a performer. I can't even nominate Keri Hilson who sounds like shit live.
K, time to head to work!
2/23/10
Righteous!
This is the red Jesus scarf my mom got me from the Olympics. I desperately wanted something with "Canada" branded on it but everything was sold out. ** (more complaining at the bottom)This is going to be a good post.
Today my company's website launched. A lot of the products are from the Holiday but we are constantly adding new garments. Expect Spring 2010 stuff soon!
Couturious
The website uses 3D, photorealistic models and you can basically dress them any way you want. Layering, zipping/unzipping, buttoning/unbuttoning, tucking, EVERYTHING. Right now the collection of garments on the website is still small, but MORE MORE MORE is going up soon. From there you can decide whether or not you'd like to purchase those items used on the website.
In the afternoon we went to Headquarters for a little group speech and champagne toast. It was an exciting little field trip.
I also bought Killer's plane ticket. OMG, SO EXCITED. =) I didn't want my dad to put him on Standby and be completely unsure whether or not Killer would make it here for the weekend, plus my dad is flying two of our neighbors on his Companion list already, plus Killer would probably have to wear his uniform just for a higher advantage on catching a plane (which is pretty much abuse of his uniform, I think). Soooo, I just purchased a ticket from Virgin and now I can be giddy.
I went grocery shopping after work with my mom and here's the dialogue.
Me: "Sooo, Max is coming this weekend because I was complaining to him that I had to do the Chinese New Year parade and then I'd have to ride BART home by myself late at night because everyone else is going out clubbing after and I'm the only underage one and he didn't want me to ride BART by myself so that's why he's coming because he wants to make sure I get home safely."
Mom: "Riiight."
Today Killer went to LA for his LAPD Orientation/Training/Exercise/Whatever/Thing and it went very very well from what he told me. He also got a call back for a job with a great pay at an office and he had to turn it down because he's going to be gone for two months of Marine stuff. It's still nice to hear back from jobs, even if he can't follow through. =P
So yea, today was just a great day. And I'm really glad that it was great for both of us because I most definitely would not be this happy if my other half had a sucky day.
<5!
2/22/10
Monday Funday
Last night I retired to my bed by 9ish? pm and chatted on the phone with Killer until 11pm. Miraculously I fell asleep once again before midnight! I think last week I was keeping Killer up late...as in 3-4am as I worked away on the computer and this week I've started sleeping the same time as Killer which is usually before midnight and his way is mucho better. This morning I was well rested at 7am (NEVER EVER EVER HAPPENS) and woke up without pressing snooze. I was all set and dressed and made up and ready for work and then my mom tells me "I asked my boss if I could start later so that our carpool schedule works out better." Usually I would have responded with a grumpy "djshfksdgfhjdf I coulda slept in for an additional half an hour!!!" but this morning I didn't need it!On Sunday (yesterday ) I went to the crepe cafe and...
1.) THEY CHANGED THE SHADE OF PURPLE I PICKED
2.) THEY ADDED A FLAT BRONZE COLOR (NO SPARKLE) SO IT LOOKS LIKE DIARRHEA.
I spent an entire Saturday a few weeks ago going with the co-owners to Ace, Lowe's, and Home Depot pouring and discussing and arguing over different paint colors and they ended up changing it last minute. Whatever, I've got to make it work now. The owner is funny, she keeps calling the owner of Bicycle Garage to do manly things for us that us women wouldn't care to do...like installing lights, moving heavy things....I think he's getting annoyed but he did come to my house once for drinks with my dad so it evens out I guess. The new co-owner is waaay superstitious and it's beginning to annoy me. No red. No blue. Feng Shui, no black, on and on....and then I saw her open an umbrella in the restaurant. Stupid.
Next weekend I have to freaking march in the freaking Chinese New Year Parade in SF and...
1.) I HATE PARADES. I had to do the Union City 50th Anniversary one and I hated that shit.
2.) It's going to be freaking cold. Very much unlike Union City's parade which was freaking hot.
3.) I'm not Chinese
4.) I don't want to dress up.
5.) I don't like smiling and waving at people.
I already requested that I not wear a dress or anything itchy; I almost begged to be a "villager" because they get to wear cotton, nothing sparkly or tight or loaded with jewelry. I was taken by surprise when the coordinator told me Killer could come (as a bonus) when I didn't respond to her first text. It made me sad because it's not easy to just INVITE Killer anywhere since he lives in Irvine. I complained to Killer about this and everything else and he decided to come up NOT because I was a complaining baby, but because I told him I'd have to take BART back by myself at night since everyone will be going to some place for drinks and an afterparty and I'm the only underage baby.
I thought I cut my finger on glass from a picture frame this morning but I ignored it. Now that I've looked at it and saw the blood from the cut that actually did happen...my finger hurts.
Time to work. <5!
2/19/10
United against the elimination of Logan extracurriculars.
There's this group gaining popularity on Facebook titled "United Against The Elimination of Logan Extracurriculars"
It's dumb.
About 830+ people have joined the group and have already held a protest in from of the New Haven Unified School District. The group THINKS that the school district is cutting sports, band, colorguard, and whatever other extracurricular there is from Logan. NO, THEY'RE NOT DOING THAT.
What the school district is doing is cutting up-front funding to pay for stuff like uniforms, trips, busing, and fees for facility rentals for practice and competitions. There are dumb idiots that have already long gone graduated and haven't paid for trips they've been on. To this day there are band and guard kids that have not paid in full for their trip to the Olympics in Beijing. Parents are idiotic for thinking they could just send their kid on an expensive trip that they may not be able to afford and then not pay for it. Who the hell gets to go on vacation and not pay for it on time or in full? Kids are dumb for not reminding their parents when to pay and the programs are dumb for LETTING these kids go on trips with bills to pay and the District is dumb for not passing a policy that does not allow to graduate from high school if they owe money and then it's even more dumb that these kids just stand outside the building to protest instead of actually attending the Board Meeting to let them know what they like and dislike. Nobody every reads the fine print of the policies that are passed but then they are quick to hate what they can without bothering to attend an actual meeting.
i hate this city.
It's dumb.
About 830+ people have joined the group and have already held a protest in from of the New Haven Unified School District. The group THINKS that the school district is cutting sports, band, colorguard, and whatever other extracurricular there is from Logan. NO, THEY'RE NOT DOING THAT.
What the school district is doing is cutting up-front funding to pay for stuff like uniforms, trips, busing, and fees for facility rentals for practice and competitions. There are dumb idiots that have already long gone graduated and haven't paid for trips they've been on. To this day there are band and guard kids that have not paid in full for their trip to the Olympics in Beijing. Parents are idiotic for thinking they could just send their kid on an expensive trip that they may not be able to afford and then not pay for it. Who the hell gets to go on vacation and not pay for it on time or in full? Kids are dumb for not reminding their parents when to pay and the programs are dumb for LETTING these kids go on trips with bills to pay and the District is dumb for not passing a policy that does not allow to graduate from high school if they owe money and then it's even more dumb that these kids just stand outside the building to protest instead of actually attending the Board Meeting to let them know what they like and dislike. Nobody every reads the fine print of the policies that are passed but then they are quick to hate what they can without bothering to attend an actual meeting.
i hate this city.
2/18/10
blah blah blah
It's 4:01am and I'm up doing work. On Wednesday I was told by my supervisor that I could work from home. Instead, I stayed up aaaall night long doing work so that I could spend the day in Irvine with Killer. The garments and purses I had to photoshop were excruciating to work on; I didn't get far in quantity. Killer's internet wasn't working at his apartment so I'm just going to set a dumpload of images into my dropbox in the morning. I'm worried that I won't meet the expectations of my supervisor which is why I'm up aaaall nght right now to work on some more.
I love working. I'm serious about my work, I'm not lazy but I do admit to procrastination, I've got goals and expectations, I'm proud of what I turn in, I've got that good sort of pressure to impress the people I work with, AND I get paid. I never felt this way about school and homework.
Anyways, I left my house at 5am yesterday to get to the airport. My flight departed at 7:30am and I arrived in Santa Ana at 8:30. I got to spend about 10+ hours with Killer. Majority of the time we just laid around and then made a quick trip to Fry's Electronics and then McDonald's for dinner. It's pathetic that something as lame as going to McDonald's for dinner gets a mention in this post but that just goes to show how deprived I am of boyfriendgirlfriend time.
"I remember waking up, and you were holding my hand. It made me really happy. Also, I think you woke up once just to turn around and kiss me, then went zzzzzzzzz"
Yesterday is probably the only time I'll get to see him for the month of February :/
I'm still pretty shocked that my parents let me go to Irvine for the day. They won't let me stay overnight but this is a start. They're also going to the Olympics later today (Thursday morning) so they probably didn't think my trip was a big deal. I'll make sure to tell them I appreciated it.
I love working. I'm serious about my work, I'm not lazy but I do admit to procrastination, I've got goals and expectations, I'm proud of what I turn in, I've got that good sort of pressure to impress the people I work with, AND I get paid. I never felt this way about school and homework.
Anyways, I left my house at 5am yesterday to get to the airport. My flight departed at 7:30am and I arrived in Santa Ana at 8:30. I got to spend about 10+ hours with Killer. Majority of the time we just laid around and then made a quick trip to Fry's Electronics and then McDonald's for dinner. It's pathetic that something as lame as going to McDonald's for dinner gets a mention in this post but that just goes to show how deprived I am of boyfriendgirlfriend time.
"I remember waking up, and you were holding my hand. It made me really happy. Also, I think you woke up once just to turn around and kiss me, then went zzzzzzzzz"
Yesterday is probably the only time I'll get to see him for the month of February :/
I'm still pretty shocked that my parents let me go to Irvine for the day. They won't let me stay overnight but this is a start. They're also going to the Olympics later today (Thursday morning) so they probably didn't think my trip was a big deal. I'll make sure to tell them I appreciated it.
2/16/10
Grumble
Not that I'm generalizing, but generalizing (hehe, Golfy), my sister can spend all day on Youtube listening to Filipino boys and girls singing. ALL DAY LONG. Not that she goes looking for Filipinos, but I can generalize that all her favorited videos are of Filipinos. Gabe Bondoc, Passion, RinontheRox, and a whole list of other Filipinos. They out-belt each other in bathrooms for acoustics, creating covers with the ukelele OMGHATE, forcing riffs in every other line of the song, taping endless bedroom recordings with unnecessary gibberish camera-talk, for example, discussing for 10 minutes how boring their day was, and holding improv sessions on the street. It's really annoying.Anyways, the reason why I'm so annoyed is because last night she was blasting this group of Filipino kids doing a cover of Halo by Beyonce. Blasting. WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WATCH SNOWBOARDCROSS. Like really? I'm trying to catch this piece of history and your beloved Filipino Youtube stars are killin' it for me. Halo is not even a good song.
I hastily snatched my WeSC headphones and dropped them on her lap. "Please shut up those damn Filipino singers." She gladly obliged.
This morning I realized my mouse may have been entangled in the mess of cords from my headphones because it wasn't in my backpack. I also managed to wake up at 7:20am and left the house at 7:45 am. Momma is letting me borrow a mouse from her work with that wretched ball cursor but anything is better than photoshop with a trackpad. When you spend 8 hours a day photoshopping, not having a mouse is tragic and sucky. So sucky.
Don't tell me I'm racist. I hate karaoke with a passion and I'm speaking the truth when I say that all the Youtube stars my sister listens to are all Filipino. I also like adobo and lumpia and 95% of my friends are Filipino and NOT Youtube stars and that's why I like them.
2/15/10
2/14/10
Zodiac
Dragon and Snake for Killer and I.
Dragon: A powerful sign, those born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the Dragon are energetic and warm-hearted, charismatic, lucky at love and egotistic. They’re natural born leaders, good at giving orders and doing what’s necessary to remain on top.
Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion. Unfortunately, this passion and enthusiasm can leave Dragons feeling exhausted and interestingly, unfulfilled.
Considering their hard-working nature, Dragons are healthy overall. They do get stressed and suffer from periodic tension/headaches, likely because they take so many risks. Dragons could benefit from incorporating mild activity into their lives. Yoga or walking would be good as these activities can work both their minds and their bodies.
Career
Dragons prefer leading to being led. Jobs that allow them to express their creativity are good choices. Some good careers include: inventor, manager, computer analyst, lawyer, engineer, architect, broker, and sales person.
Relationships
Dragons will give into love, but won’t give up their independence. Because they have quick, sometimes vengeful tempers, their partners need to be tough-skinned. Dragons enjoy others who are intriguing, and when they find the right partners, they’ll usually commit to that person for life.
Dragons and the 5 Elements
Earth Dragons – Years 1928 and 1988: More rooted in the ground, Earth Dragons make better decisions because they act more rationally. Earth Dragons are level-headed and able to control their behaviors. They’re more supportive of others, but they prefer being admired by others.
Snake: Those born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the Snake are seductive, gregarious, introverted, generous, charming, good with money, analytical, insecure, jealous, slightly dangerous, smart, they rely on gut feelings, are hard-working and intelligent.
The Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.
Snakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life!
Careers
Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.
Relationships
Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!
Dragon: A powerful sign, those born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the Dragon are energetic and warm-hearted, charismatic, lucky at love and egotistic. They’re natural born leaders, good at giving orders and doing what’s necessary to remain on top.
Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion. Unfortunately, this passion and enthusiasm can leave Dragons feeling exhausted and interestingly, unfulfilled.
While Dragons frequently help others, rarely will they ask for help. Others are attracted to Dragons, especially their colorful personalities, but deep down, Dragons prefer to be alone. Perhaps that is because they’re most successful when working alone. Their preference to be alone can come across as arrogance or conceitedness, but these qualities aren’t applicable. Dragons have tempers that can flare fast!
HealthConsidering their hard-working nature, Dragons are healthy overall. They do get stressed and suffer from periodic tension/headaches, likely because they take so many risks. Dragons could benefit from incorporating mild activity into their lives. Yoga or walking would be good as these activities can work both their minds and their bodies.
Career
Dragons prefer leading to being led. Jobs that allow them to express their creativity are good choices. Some good careers include: inventor, manager, computer analyst, lawyer, engineer, architect, broker, and sales person.
Relationships
Dragons will give into love, but won’t give up their independence. Because they have quick, sometimes vengeful tempers, their partners need to be tough-skinned. Dragons enjoy others who are intriguing, and when they find the right partners, they’ll usually commit to that person for life.
Dragons and the 5 Elements
Earth Dragons – Years 1928 and 1988: More rooted in the ground, Earth Dragons make better decisions because they act more rationally. Earth Dragons are level-headed and able to control their behaviors. They’re more supportive of others, but they prefer being admired by others.
Snake: Those born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the Snake are seductive, gregarious, introverted, generous, charming, good with money, analytical, insecure, jealous, slightly dangerous, smart, they rely on gut feelings, are hard-working and intelligent.
The Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.
Snakes are very materialistic creatures, preferring to surround themselves with the finest that life has to offer. This is especially evident in the home, where luxurious furnishings and surroundings help Snakes seek the peace they need in order to thrive.
HealthSnakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life!
Careers
Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.
Relationships
Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!
Earth Snakes – Years 1929 and 1989
Earth Snakes always seem to be calm and content. They’re friendly and approachable and believe that they’ll reap great rewards by working hard and relying on common sense.
2/13/10
Moguls
Killer was doing my second job for me =) and he emailed me these two pictures of shoes. He's cute.
I spent today dreaming about clothes and shoes...
and...dreaming about the things I'd like in my shared apartment with Killer.
I spent today dreaming about clothes and shoes...
and...dreaming about the things I'd like in my shared apartment with Killer.
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