You are the light of my life.

Is it strange to say that at 20 years of age I am sure that my life's happiness depends on one person?

I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.

...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.

If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.

When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.

I can't live without you.