Bag Lady

I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold on to is you.

Who knew that I would suffer loneliness during the day and find comfort and company at night. Or morning. Or something like, 5am in the morning darkness. I'm pathetic.


dlskfjhakslfhfgh why me, why me.... 

I'm just dumb. I'm angry and sad when deep down I wanted you to leave me.

I'm the fox you've been waiting for

Kristen Stewart is playing Joan Jett in a film about The Runaways...DO YOU KNOW HOW EFFING EPIC THAT IS?!?!

I used to dance around the house to Joan Jett/The Runaways. I was Daddy's little girl, Classic rocking wild child. Refusing to take piano lessons, excelling in air guitar and hair whips. I've mellowed out over the years but I mean, who could ever forget the greatest all girl rock band of allll time?!?!?!

I said maaamaa weeeer alll craaazeee nowwowowowow...


szkdjfhkadsjfhkdfhgd fg

I was going to watch How to Be with my mom on Saturday...I was looking at the tickets at 2am and I finally confirmed with her to go, checked the website, and now THEY'RE SOLD OUT!!!!


Now I have to wait until April 16th for the Livermore Film Festival...

=( My day just got a whole lot worse.



I don't read horoscopes but this thing was eerily accurate. And my keyboard is sticky because I spilled mojito on it.


Name: amanda
Date: 2/26/2009
Colorgenics Number: 15720634

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You want what you want and you need all that you want and, as they say in the movies, you are the sort of individual that 'By hook or by crook' you will, by fair means or foul, endeavour to get what you are looking for.

You wear your heart on your sleeve and since you are an emotional person you are apt to give your all - heart and soul - to all those that show you a little affection; but take care - it would appear that you have been extremely hurt in the past and you keep leaving yourself wide open for punishment.

All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

I am so laaame.

the people i care about aren't around. 
San Diego, Irvine, Calgary, Antioch, Los Angeles, Philadelphia. 

There's one in Union City, but he's avoiding me.



I had the worst sleep ever last night, maybe an hour in full.

My classmates are great.:) It's been so cramped in class, especially now that we're drafting pants. A few of us just camped out underneath the drafting tables :)

It's too bad that while most oppurtunities exist in LA, the nicer people can only be found in SF.


For Mama.

I try to be as domestic as possible at home to impress my mom. I clean up when she's away, I wash dishes, I cook. Anything involving cleaning I get a "thank you". Not so much cooking. She usually doesn't eat anything I cook since she can do a better job at it. But two things she's approved...

Cookies, which I've developed over countless tries and recipes. Hard work does pay off!


My mojitos. On first try. Yee!
There's only 2 showings of this film in Norcal, San Jose, to be precise, before it goes on tour. The first is this Friday, the second is on Monday. One showing each night. And I most likely can't make either. Monday for sure I can't make it because I have class until 6. This Friday will be a miracle shot. =( I figure this film really hits a note with me since it's about having a quarter life crisis. 


For a long time I've been following this Salvador Dali film with no idea that Robert Pattinson was the lead! I must honestly say I that at first I admired Robert for his music, brushing him off to the side as an actor because his looks were better. But he's definitely got talent.

Little Ashes

How to Be (even more impressing!)

How to Be is screening at the Cinequest Film Festival in San Jose. $5.00 for students. Driving myself to San Jose is the problem though. I'm hopeless!

I don't want to get into detail because I probably won't be able to watch any of the films. Like I shun my fashion mags because I can't buy anything. But missing out on great film hurts a little bit more. I wish I could be invited to more film screenings like LA=(


More Wedding Stuff

It's imperative that several Cab Sav's, Pinot Noirs, and Chardonnays with the occasional Mexican tequila and Cream Sherry assist me on my long homework days...

As my paperweights!

Okay, now for the nice stuff...

The most perfect, suave bouttonier

Pretty tent wedding reception =)

I love this dress! Simple, low back, and REAL flowers at the center back!

If I finally get over the whole extravagant thing, I might stick with this poufy, FEATHER gown.

Placement Cards

Party Favors

Dapper Groomsmen

I'm hoping my parents' friends get hitched soon. I want to plan their wedding!

Nothing Clever to Put Here

My prescription glasses are somewhat broken. One of the tiny screws at the hinge broke off...not completely, so one of the legs wobbles loosely. It's rather peculiar because I rarely wear my glasses. I'm terrified to go to the optometrist since my eyesight is terrible and it's not something I can improve.

Who am I kidding? I write on and on as if my life is interesting when all I ever do is lay in bed in my sea of blankets, waiting for you to just call. I miss you.

There's no denying that while you and I endure some of the most complex and serious problems, every time I see you smile it all goes away.



I think I'm in love with this guy. He looked a little out of his element at the Oscars. I'm pretty sure he wanted to be at the pub.

Anne Hathaway looked STUNNING! She was tearing the whole night, and she can hold a note!

Angelina Jolie is a goddess. Her look is so beautiful and classic and I loved the way she paired her black dress with bright emerald jewelry. The simplicity of her dress draws your attention to how damn beautiful she is! Unfortunately for me, I have to hide in my clothes because I am far from pretty haha. I had only just watched Changeling earlier today and Angelina was outstanding but Kate Winslet was better in the Reader.

Major fail of the night! Too many sequins, pairing a large belt with an already elaborate, heavy dress. "It looks like a frozen artichoke!"



I don't read horoscopes but this color test thingie told me:

"You feel the need to be needed"

That's not a bad thing is it? Because I WANT to be there, to help, to guide, to love. (When needed) And I hate it when you push me away and leave me in the dark.


Bored. Major.

I'm taking a short break from my boring data entry job. I've been sitting in the old principal's office BY MYSELF since 8:30am. It's been my Tuesday/Thursday/Friday routine. This room. Alone, with NO human interaction. So I've taken to talking to my blog. How sad.

I've applied to Express for a second job. I'm unsure of what will happen to my position here once this current project with the district is complete so I needed a back-up plan. I really want to work for Express Mens. I wonder if there's even any openings. Tonight I'm going to apply to Mens Wearhouse where a resume is needed. I really want to get into suits/tailoring/fit. So yea. But most importantly, I'm a near graduate of Fashion School and I have no retail sales experience whatsoever! Noone will hire me! I don't know why!

I intentionally bought Dave Chappelle's Block Party for Nikko, not anticipating that I would LOVE the film so much! I think I'll by another one. Haha. The music is great, the dialogue, the comedy. Michel Gondry did a wonderful job making the film feel so homey, realistic, and comfortable. To me it felt like going to Pennsylvannia to visit my dad's old hometown.

I'm totally on James Morrisson's jock as of now. He's my new John Mayer without the "uncool" girlfriend and profile on PerezHilton.com

Good Karma Overload!

Hair inspiration. I'm in a really awkward stage. I have no idea what hairstyle I should stick to. I have a big head and a big forehead and a round face. I'm sort of feeling choppy/wispy bangs and big, messy, poufy hair just for the fact that it makes me feel like I can hide in my hair. 

Unfortunately, I will never be able to have an afro. =( No mega perm could work this wonder for me. Siiigh...


The past couple days I've been going out of my way to do small, random acts of kindness for my classmates and strangers. It feels great!


At the Turn of the Tide


...and I had to call Max and brag to him after dancing around the house for 10 minutes. Because I don't know anyone else that admires the Lord of the Rings Trilogy for all of its greatness. October 1oth is also Max's birthday, and he will also be fighting for the greater good halfway around the world =(

Too bad it's not performed to the 2nd or 3rd film. The first is too scary for me, with Gandalf and Boromir dying and stuff...oh well! OMG I AM SOOOO EXCITED! SO EXCITED! SO EXCITED!!! 


what the hell am i waiting for?
I'm so ticked off I can't find this DVD in my house!!! I don't have the box, I don't have the disc. =(


Today i'll crawl out of bed
I can't stand your shadow is too heavy to lift
Maybe we'll go for a ride
You said you'd take me nowhere
I said that suits me just fine
I know you've always been near
Whispering secrets i know i'm not supposed to hear
Hold your heart with two hands
Give it to me only to disappear
Look how low i've sunk
Don't ask me to rise
I'll only lose you when i'm high
All alone in the dark
Love survives only when we are apart
Your voice still sounds in my ears
Soft explosions that blossom with the beat of my heart


you don't want me
you don't need me
you don't even try.

If I'm on here, it's my homework's fault.


I hate having to hint this...but please, Boy, give me a flower! Please! I have been wanting one since December 2007! I don't want clothes, shoes, food...just a flower. I would choose a flower over taco truck burritos. Over chocolates. You can pick it from a garden, it could even be a yellow dandelion flower, or those tiny daisies that sprinkle the grass at Pioneer park. Steal it from a neighbors garden. I just want a flower. Not because it's Valentine's Day. I don't know what I have to endure or what celebration or what loss I must experience before you give me a flower. I kept the last, the only, the single, flower you gave me for SIX months. When I moved back home from LA, I made sure my backpack held only my most important things like my wallet, leaving space generally for the flower. It fell apart at the LAX Airport when the dumbass security checkpoint guy threw my shoes on top of my backpack, crushing the delicate flower inside. I couldn't salvage the pieces. =( I would go back and drop-kick the dumbass that ruined everything for me.

Girls have a weird, special place for flowers. A friend named Bogue thought otherwise, "Here's a flower, now watch it die." NO. We're a little more optimistic and nonsensical about flowers. We just love flowers, And we keep them forever once they dry up.

Give me a flower because you think of me, because you love me, because you want to surprise me or for no apparent reason at all, because flowers are THE MOST beautiful, natural things that are cultivated from Earth and you think the same of me.


The only thing more beloved than $5 DVD's...

are $4 DVD's!

Every time I walk to school from BART, I pass by the huge Virgin Megastore. Lately they've been promoting $10 DVD's and all I could think about was when those signs would change to $5. Ten bucks for a DVD really isn't bad, but in L.A. I remember buying Lost In Translation and The Virgin Suicides for $5 each.

Once I made it back to Union City, I headed to Walmart to buy Mama V a gift, FAIL, and rainboots, FAIL. But! I did get these!...

I also got 2 cans of Spam. I'm now enjoying some musubi. Ahhhh....


Save the Thai Temple!

"Monks are forbidden by their religion from earning money or accumulating earthly goods on their own. Providing for monks and temples is the religious duty of Buddhists of the Theravada school; it helps them build goodwill for later in life or for the next life. In Thailand, they earn merit by giving money to monks in the street. Berkeley Buddhists earn merit by volunteering at brunch, thereby serving the temple.

"Our Sunday activity is pretty much like Christians going to church every Sunday," says Abbot Manas. "Without it, it would be very difficult for us to continue merit making."

Please watch at least the first 2 minutes of this video.

And so now you know that...

1.) The Thai temple is actually a capitalist organization run by genius monks with Trump-like business backgrounds.
2.) The brunch expects to expand like the "golden arches of McDonald's", and that with the right amount of protein and fat in the food that it makes you addicted. Just like what was discovered in "Supersize Me"
3.) 1,352 people times $10 a plate for food = $703,000

This puts me in a frenzy. I don't know if I should cry or bitchslap the ignorance off her face. Ommm...no violence Amanda.....


Movie Madness

I have until Wednesday to watch and devour the special features of these 3 films I checked out from my school's library.

1.) Time to Leave. I must say, I picked this out because of the white box, the title, and the fact that it said: A film by...If a DVD's spine makes room for the director to put his long-ass name on it, then you know he is proud of his work. I checked on IMDB, it has a 7.2 rating and the first user review says, "The Poetics of Dying." I'm excited!

2.) The Science of Sleep. I've seen this like, 4 times already but I don't own the DVD, therefore I haven't explored the Special Features. Unfortunately, I read the back of the box and there aren't any English subtitles for the features. Boo.

3.) The Return of the King EXTENDED version. Don't hate, I know I'm a nerd. This box set has 4 epic discs! FOUR! and Peter Jackson specifically mentioned that all the extended dvd versions feature longer scenes and whole scenes that weren't just discarded on the cutting room floor; they had to be removed to reduce running time. 

EXCITED! Ok bye!

P.S. Next Monday I'm checking out this UNBELIEVABLE boxed set of Director-compiled , short films, commercials, background, commentary documentaries. This particular 3 DVD set includes Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich, that epic Fatboy Slim video of Christopher Walken dancing), Chris Cunningham (Bjork's 'All is Full of Love video, AND Portishead's 'Only You') and Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine, The Science of Sleep). Coincidentally, all these great guys have worked with Bjork. That makes them brilliant weirdos. 


Weddings! Part 1 of Infinity

As you (whoever reads this...Suwanna) know, I love weddings. I want to plan them. I will probably be like Katherine Heigl's character in 27 Dresses, the beloved Wedding Planner/Bridesmaid that has a closet-full of bridesmaids' dresses and no wedding dress of her own.

Anyways, these photos were from Minhee & Truman's wedding, off of Martha Stewart's website. The couple knew each other since 4th Grade, but they didn't start dating until 14 years later. They agreed on a school-themed wedding since school was where they met.

The Couple

The Invites.
Designed especially to look like old-school report cards!

Name Cards!
Namecards were placed underneath red apples. They found a vintage desk and topped it off with a special nameplate honoring their 4th grade teacher.

The Table.
They spread a roll of black paper over the table and traced lunchtrays with chalk to indicate seating arrangements. They flower vases are milk jugs!

(Not my fave..) But they found vintage style lunch trays! The wooden utensils were engraved with the name of the couple, and they rubber stamped the napkins.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen (all friends SINCE elementary school) pose for a "class" pic.

A tradition of the groomsmen at each of their own weddings...striped socks.

At the tables they placed Pop Quizzes about the Bride and Groom. The results were sent back to the guests after the wedding with Thank You cards.

Blackboards framed the reception area where guests could write little notes for the couples and take pictures.

Party favors for the kids included little toys and candy in personalized carboard baskets. (I wasn't at this wedding...another Amanda)

FIN! Back to homework...