The rules of tagging are:
1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Write 6 random things about yourself
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post

1.) I'm excited to graduate in June because I feel like it would be so worthwhile. School is completely exhausting right now. I'm working so hard, to the very tip of my mental and physical capacity. At first I was truly worried about being the "new girl" since FIDM SF is a small campus and all the students have been in the same classes since first quarter but I'm sadly GREATFUL to be alone all the time because I get more work done. Really, really unlike my usual self. My house is a mess because I get home from school, scarf down dinner while I do hw, do hw until 2am, and go to my bedroom and pass out. My bedroom is a disaster; I change clothes, dump them on the floor and sleep, wake up, change clothes and leave. Exhausted. I bring my hw to my work place too. And I haven't showered in 2 days. (I don't sweat or excercise so I don't stink, thank goodness)

2.) At the same time I wish I could quit school. The whole hustling, trying to get your name out, finding networks and contacts is so appealing to me. I just want to up and leave and move to New York. I worked so hard and finally got my big break in LA with an amazing internship for Marilyn Heston, thanks to Renee Young (event planner and designer of the black dress from My Chemical Romance's 'Helena' vid) and I had to move back because the price of school and rent COMBINED created serious financial strain on my family. If I was just working on my own, I could have afforded to pay for my living expenses at the least. Honestly, in the fashion industry, it's about who you know.

3.) I'm very passionate about San Francisco. It's a beautiful city, the cleanest of the 5 major cities on my list (LA, NY, CHI, MIA, SF), it's bustling, and it's still growing. My Creative Draping teacher is part of this "fashion" committee for San Francisco, she works with Mayor Gavin Newsom, Ex-Mayor Willie Brown, and other major industry players to discuss plans on how to make San Francisco a bigger scene in the fashion/entertainment industry. I really love San Francisco, the fashion is just as amazing but not as mainstream as New York and what entertainment industry we have here is much classier than LA. I really want to be a part of the growth of this city; to make it something bigger. I couldn't tell you my full plan, but it would be amazing if it could work out.

4.) I really respect the male sex and I feel like women give them less credit than they deserve. I dislike men that disrespect their women and I dislike women that disrespect their men. Which is probably why I only think of Vivian, Kelly, and Lalida as my best girlfriends. What's weird is that I have more valuable guy friends than girl friends, mainly because my old girl "friends" abuse their significant others' kindness. I also use what my guy friends complain about to shape myself into being a cooler girlfriend.

5.) I love to spend money. I love clothes, I love taking my friends out to dinner, I love spoiling my mom, I love buying great gifts for people. I am frugal with my money though. I wouldn't spend money on anything that I didn't think was valuable. I told my mom, "I better get a high paying job because I love spending money." She looked at me with this shocked expression on her face and said, "I thought you were going to say, 'I need to marry a rich guy!'" =)

6.) Hopeless romantic. Seriously. I want a guy that comes with a beautiful story. He could be my high school sweetheart, childhood friend, someone I met through an old mutual friend, etc. I also wouldn't cry about he guy unless the situation was truly heartbreaking. Yes, pathetic.

I don't have 6 friends on blogger. So do it if you want and let me know!


2 down, 2 to go.

Last night I finished my Pattern Drafting homework, which was to sew up the bodice that I created patterns for ALL BY MYSELF! Basically, in that class we learned how to create patterns according to body measurements; as in I can create clothing TAILORED just for you! Not that I would because I have too much homework and not enough sleep. 
Today I went to school and finished my Computer Aided Fashion Design hw, which was to illustrate flats on Adobe Illustrator. This week we did tailored suits. I started to work on my flats for my collection (another assignment) but the school kicks us out by 3:30. It was ridiculous! This window pops up on all the computers simultaneously that says something like...save all your stuff and "the system will be shut down by the system administrator in _ _ _ _" and it literally counts down from 15 minutes. 

I bought this 32 oz. can of rubber cement. I couldn't tell you how happy I was to get a student discount on it at the local art supply store. San Francisco is so nice. =) I love rubber cement!

Here's a pic of a wall in my living room. This room divider use to be in my bedroom but now it's downstairs so I can hide my messy rolls of muslin, papers, patterns, and projects behind it. I've also been forcing myself to do crunches on that blue yoga ball. Yesterday I was so tired that I just...rolled over and fell off the ball! It was hilarious, I was just so tired and delusional.

Okay, back to work. It actually feels better to just vent on here about how stressful my day is; rather than keeping it all in my head.

xo, Stargirl.

So Tired!

I am so tired all the effing time! Here's my school schedule:

Monday 12:00 - Pattern Drafting Procedures (6 hrs.)
Wednesday 8:30 Computer Grading, Marking, & Cutting (3 hrs.)
12:00 Creative Design Applications (3 hrs.)
Thursday 12:00 Computer Aided Fashion Design (3 hrs.)
3:00 Creative Draping II (3 hrs.)

I only have one morning class, but every day that I have school, I get there at 7:45am. It's basically a MUST that I go to school that early because the BART parking lot fills up by 8:30. It also gives me time to do homework. I feel safer going to school that early because BART to San Francisco takes a good 30+ minutes and I have a difficult time calculating time plus distance.

So what I'm really trying to complain about is the fact that I'm at school for 11 hours a day for 2 days, and 8 hours on the other. Damn.

My work schedule is:
Tuesday 8 - 5
Friday 8- 5

I also go to school on Saturdays 9ish to 2ish to do my computer homework, which requires the use of Adobe Illustrator. I can't seem to find a free download of it ANYWHERE on torrent websites for Mac, plus I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to print my homework at school on the color printers because school computers are all PC's. Adobe Illustrator for full price is about $600, and a student discount website sells it for $200 (still a lot). That's why I have to go to school. Ugh.

By the way, I've also been going to the temple to play music again. Music is probably the most brain stimulation I get, other than pouring over numbers of students at work and dividing inches at school. It's absolutely ridiculous how bad my memory has gotten; I learned music on Tuesday and went back to practice on Friday with no clue. Luckily I have all year.

And why am I up at 2:15 in the morning when I have to wake up at 8 to go back to school?! Because I'm stupid. More so because I'm going to be exhausted anyway.

More to add to my sad life...I decided to be nice and make my sister's Halloween costume. She's going to be Max from Where the Wild Things Are. Hell no I am not doing it from scratch. I've been having her cut out the pattern pieces and I'm just sewing it together and adjusting the size. I'm also making my own Halloween costume (Pocahontas) because for work I get to go to the elementary schools to read books to the kiddies!

Another damn thing to add is that FIDM is involved with St. Vincent De Paul Society so there's a contest that the fashion design students are required to enter. We get a bunch of unwearable thrifty clothing, deconstruct it, and create something new. Selected garments will get featured in a fashion show, and selected "winning" garments will be featured at the freaking De Young Museum. So...stressed to the max, but I really want to do well and not produce a shit garment.

Ok. it's nearly 2:30. Peace. nvm, shoot me please!!!


Hard Times

I feel a little empty now. Less angry, less sad, less broken. Like a shadow or a memory of an open wound. A little less feeling; numb, if you will.

One of my downfalls is how uncomfortable I get with words. My phrases. The conversation. I tend to never say what I need to say; not because I refuse to share my feelings, but because I can't seem to get the words straight. I can't seem to vocally execute the pictures, moments, feelings in my head. I see the scene as it would on film; I can play it back, move it forward, in flashes, pause it, and slow motion. But the words never come clearly.

I forever told myself I would never be the embarrassing girlfriend; the one that pussywhips her other, spends his money, abuses his kindness, but the worst of them all: arguing in public. No, we didn't really argue, but there was a definite misunderstanding that went on in front of his friends.

I don't know how to completely appreciate this friendship we have when I am completely heartbroken at the same time. Being the one broken up with and having to listen to you speak about trying to meet other people; only remaining composed and positive when you also tell me that you were unsuccessful. Wanting to do everything you ask because I love you so much, even when I'm never involved with your special plans. Wanting to completely better myself as a person since I'm not good enough for you and your church. Your last kiss was so posionous, a cancer, but at the same time I feel your warmth spread through my body. The moment your lips left my cheek, I melted, but not the romantic way that I use to. This time it was like you were stealing the last of my happiness because of the reality that I can never kiss you back. I'm not allowed to...

I'm truly happy you're doing better. Being "the man I've always wanted to be". You had the positive reason to move one, I don't have one at all. All I had was the love we shared. But I think it's best you just leave me be. I can't be a good friend right now.