Didn't have a good weekend at all. Max's family was down in Socal for a day trip to Disneyland so Friday night I call my dad (while he was at a dinner party with mom) and ask to book a ticket to Irvine. He gives me the info. Then I ask if I could leave at 8pm because the Saturday flights didn't arrive in Irvine early enough. Dad's all irritated because I'm asking too many questions so he passes the phone to mom. Of course mom is going to say no to my trip. Well, not even. She says, "let me think about it" and I'm FLUSTERED because I was trying to leave for the airport asap! She completely ignored me.
Saturday, I decided I needed time away from the house. Away from my room, away from my computer, away from my work. I spent the day mostly window shopping. I spent more time wandering slowly, killing time than spending money. Mom asks me to bring the car home, I ask why, she says "because I want to wash the car". WTF, did you check the weather? It was supposed to rain hard the next day. She says, "Why do you need to be out shopping for 10 hours?" I say, "To distract myself from not getting to go to Disneyland". Mom freaks the fuck out. Calling me a slut, telling me staying at my boyfriend's place is inappropriate and "what is society going to think?" and blah blah blah. God dammit, I just wanted to fucking go to Disneyland for one stinking day. My mom can run her mouth about something silly like me forgetting to wash the dishes for hours, so while she was yelling from the other room, I snuck outside to the backyard to eat lunch. :P
I'm so sick of all this "slut" nonsense. My dad fucking asked Max to mow the lawn to which he obliged. Would any guy do that for a girl's parents if he only wanted to get into her pants? And this "society" bullshit, OK, we go to a Thai temple sometimes where you expect people to be nice and civil but no, it's so goddamn boring there that people need to gossip about each other to make friends. And "society" is made up of all the rich women comparing their wealth, diamonds, and Louis Vuitton purses. They don't give a fuck who I'm dating and they wouldn't know that I would be sleeping at my boyfriend's place unless my own mother tells them about it.
Sunday was really unfortunate because my sister was extremely stressed from school and I was just feeling buttloads of angry so nobody wished mom "Happy Mother's Day". She barges into my room like, "helloooo, Haaaappyy Mothers Daayyy...." and I repeated it like so: "...happymothersday". She leaves and mutters under her breath "damn ungrateful kids". Just a couple weeks ago I got super pissed because my sister was being an outrageous bitch towards me when just the day before Max and I spent hours traveling all around town to buy tons of shit for her birthday party. When my mom told me to explain why I was all pissy, I said "She's obnoxious and ungrateful and I do all this stuff for her and then she still treats me like shit" and mom says "well, she's young. she doesn't know. you can't do things for people and expect things in return" WTF? So I should do things for people that wouldn't even have the common courtesy to even whisper a tiny little "thank you"??? Anyways, my mom was being the uber contradiction on Mothers Day, all butthurt about me not verbally telling her that when just the day before she called me a slut. "Aww thanks mom, thanks for never hearing me out, treating me like an employee and calling me a slut!
Monday my mom drove speed limit all the way to work so she interrogated me. Of course, no matter what I say on my part or how I say it, she brings up society this, respect your body, communicate blah blah blah. I try to stay far away from lowblows, but I'm honestly trying to train my mom, so I let it out that my sister isn't as youthful and angelic as my mother thinks. I have been getting the heat "you're the older sister, you need to be the example" but in reality, my sister is still lazy and spoiled and she's been with more guys than I have. I'm so sure that my mom holds on to the image of Max when he was 15 and treats him like shit.
There are a lot of things I've got to train my mom on:
1.) Cursing. I'm pretty strange in the sense that I don't react to people's reactions. Not in an autistic way, but in a "oh shut the fuck up already" way. So when I do intend to react, my emotions don't come off right. So I guess cursing helps put a little conviction in my voice.
2.) Talk more about moving in with Max
3.) Bringing up things I know she disapproves of so I can argue with her and change her mind. My mom is so conservative it's stupid. Gay marriage, weed, premarital sex and living arrangements,
4.) Constantly reminding her about how my sister is treated (like a princess) in comparison to me.
Then, there are things I have to deal with until I leave:
1.) Greeting my parents, asking them about their day (I really don't care)
2.) Letting them know ahead of time what my plans are
3.) Letting the planet Earth die a little bit because I probably won't get to spend the night in Roseville ever again. If I get pulled over by the green police due to my high carbon footprint, blame it on my crazy asian mother.
***
My relationship with my parents is so strained. I've been raised like a boy from my dad. I never was the princess. I had to do work. I had to help out. I had to do everything for my sister. I had to do everything for myself. And now I'm feeling like I've been raised to be so independent that I don't even know how to love them. I don't even know how to try. Now I can see that the reason me and my mom fight so much is because I'm spending more time with my boyfriend and not with my family. My mom's grasp on me is weak, and I don't need her for anything. I'm pretty sure a lot of a mom's sadness comes from their kid not needing or wanting their help anymore and I've been that kind of kid for a loooong time.
Also, I was definitely more fond of my family when I was away. So moving away will be a good thing. I don't need or want to see them every day or have to talk to them everyday.
No comments:
Post a Comment