Me and Lalida are performing a song for the funeral on Saturday. I'm nervous because I haven't picked up my guitar seriously in like, 2-3 years. Fortunately the song is easy, but being in front of a crowd isn't.
The song we settled on is very special to me. I think it's a beautiful song, and the lyrics are pretty cryptic. Here's one interpretation of the song from songmeanings.com.....
"maybe it's about a loved one who died and maybe it has been a while and the person has had time to grieve and is at the point where they are just able to close their eyes and think about the person and feel their presence and even if they cry, its like celebrating their memories of the person"
Then we've got Aarti and Atu to help us out with I'm Yours by Jason Mraz, one of Michelle's favorite songs. Aarti is and amaziiiiiing singer, same with Atu, and he plays the uke too. =)
7/29/09
Michelle's Memorial Day 3
Dad gave a speech, it was cute.
We also celebrated Annie's 19th birthday after the services were over. Life must go on, and Michelle' really cared for Annie like a little sis, so yea, life goes on.
Day 2 of Michelle's Memorial Service
It was getting easier, the sadness was fading. I was able to better grasp the fact that Michelle is in a better place.
7/28/09
Michellebration Day 1
I didn't expect so many people to come! The entire room filled up, people were sitting outside the room on the floor, in the doorways. Many people loved Michelle, and you could tell. They honored her with Thai dance and music performances. I even gave my little speech that I had saved for the Pas Une Auction art show I couldn't get in to. I don't know where my strength came from...I didn't really choke or anything. I was really nervous though, once I finished I had this tingling sensation that I felt in my pinky and ring fingers as if my blood was ignoring circulation in certain areas to help support my heart.
It is sad that a lot of us have to go our separate ways but Michelle brought us all together this time. I felt so much love among us. And of course we had food after.
The last memorial event at the temple is Tuesday, July 28 at 7:30 pm. Fremont Thai Temple : 36054 Niles Blvd. Fremont, CA
On Saturday is her real funeral. I think I might be playing guitar and Lalida's singing. We'll see.
It is sad that a lot of us have to go our separate ways but Michelle brought us all together this time. I felt so much love among us. And of course we had food after.
The last memorial event at the temple is Tuesday, July 28 at 7:30 pm. Fremont Thai Temple : 36054 Niles Blvd. Fremont, CAOn Saturday is her real funeral. I think I might be playing guitar and Lalida's singing. We'll see.
7/25/09
I still have a hard time believing it. She's in a better place, a place without pain...and yet my heart aches. I think it's because we all fought so hard for her and we lost. But we won so much more....bone marrow matches for 4 cancer patients, and 15 more donors being tested as matches.
Life is so fragile and so short.So very precious. To say that your mindstate is "live fast, die young" is really ignorant. As a child of God you should be thanking Him for gracing you with a home, a loving family that provides for you and loves you unconditionally, health, and safety. You don't understand that while you waste away your body with drugs and excessive alcohol and wake up the next day not remembering a thing...there are people out their praying and hoping that they last the next hour.
Michelle fought her cancer bravely til the very end. She didn't want anyone to know that it was too late for her to find a match in fear that people would stop registering to save OTHER cancer patients. She understood that her time was up and she still fought for the health of other patients. Up until the very end.
She has inspired me so much to help others as much as I can in the time that I can.
You have completely changed as a person. I thought that our ending would have made you a better person, and I'm truly ashamed of how things turned out. It's embarrassing to me to see that my life had no positive effect on yours. It breaks my heart because everything you are doing now is of a character that I would never want to have any relation with.
It's all breaking my heart.
Life is so fragile and so short.So very precious. To say that your mindstate is "live fast, die young" is really ignorant. As a child of God you should be thanking Him for gracing you with a home, a loving family that provides for you and loves you unconditionally, health, and safety. You don't understand that while you waste away your body with drugs and excessive alcohol and wake up the next day not remembering a thing...there are people out their praying and hoping that they last the next hour.
Michelle fought her cancer bravely til the very end. She didn't want anyone to know that it was too late for her to find a match in fear that people would stop registering to save OTHER cancer patients. She understood that her time was up and she still fought for the health of other patients. Up until the very end.
She has inspired me so much to help others as much as I can in the time that I can.
You have completely changed as a person. I thought that our ending would have made you a better person, and I'm truly ashamed of how things turned out. It's embarrassing to me to see that my life had no positive effect on yours. It breaks my heart because everything you are doing now is of a character that I would never want to have any relation with.
It's all breaking my heart.
“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived...
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left....
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on."
dont be flattered
i've truly had the worst week ever.
-stupid roommate avoiding paying her bills
-dealing with collection agencies
-having collection agencies call my old roommate who was the last to sign on to the lease, when they should have called me
-having to hear my old roommate cry because of all of it
-dear old hs friend dying in a freak accident
-having to break the news to my old hs english teacher who was truly devastated
-seeing the flag at my workplace being flown at half-staff in honor of him
-best friend's friend being seriously injured in a car crash, an old coworker of hers died at the scene
-family emergency in boston
-michelle isn't doing good
-had to plam out to give a sad speech about project michelle
-dealing with pussies that are so scared of needles that they couldn't save someone's life. PUSSY.
-couldn't even get into the art show to present my Project Michelle speech because it was 21+
-went to namu with friends, david was out of town, and on top of that we had a bitch waitress that carded us
-attempting to tackle my massive amount of homework which is still left untouched.
it can't get any worse can it?
-stupid roommate avoiding paying her bills
-dealing with collection agencies
-having collection agencies call my old roommate who was the last to sign on to the lease, when they should have called me
-having to hear my old roommate cry because of all of it
-dear old hs friend dying in a freak accident
-having to break the news to my old hs english teacher who was truly devastated
-seeing the flag at my workplace being flown at half-staff in honor of him
-best friend's friend being seriously injured in a car crash, an old coworker of hers died at the scene
-family emergency in boston
-michelle isn't doing good
-had to plam out to give a sad speech about project michelle
-dealing with pussies that are so scared of needles that they couldn't save someone's life. PUSSY.
-couldn't even get into the art show to present my Project Michelle speech because it was 21+
-went to namu with friends, david was out of town, and on top of that we had a bitch waitress that carded us
-attempting to tackle my massive amount of homework which is still left untouched.
it can't get any worse can it?
7/20/09
PM
It feels like a dream. I can't believe time moves this fast when you desperately need it to move slower.
It's the 4th week. Two more weeks was the estimate.
I don't think death is a bad thing, so I won't say "she doesn't deserve it", but she does deserve life. She wants it so much, and she's given more time to 4 other people like her, and possibly 15 more.
Death can take the most undeserving people, like my cousin or Connie...and maybe they were great enough to get to move on to the next journey before anyone else. But she, she's been fighting for 2 years. Please let her stay if she wants to.
It's the 4th week. Two more weeks was the estimate.
I don't think death is a bad thing, so I won't say "she doesn't deserve it", but she does deserve life. She wants it so much, and she's given more time to 4 other people like her, and possibly 15 more.
Death can take the most undeserving people, like my cousin or Connie...and maybe they were great enough to get to move on to the next journey before anyone else. But she, she's been fighting for 2 years. Please let her stay if she wants to.
7/19/09
Before and After!
Before, couldn't see anything, always had to curl bangs.
After, I can see! And now I have to maintain my eyebrows because they're completely visible now. doh.
Ay yai yai I need a camera.
Yesterday I went to...
and hung out with Dean, Albert, and a bunch of other people. I think I got a sore throat from all the second hand chainsmoking lol. Second hand smoking hurts a lot more than just smoking.
Afterwards, went to Dean's for some fooood and watched Weeds with Albert on the couch. We were sooo close to reaching Season 2, my favorite, and then I had to leave to go bowling. Dean packed me a nice little to-go box of beer chicken on pasta with pesto. Hella good.
Sooo...bowling. I'm pretty awful. I went with Peter and Jump because a bunch of other people flaked. In the first game, I had like, 16 points by the 7th round. Peter bet me five bucks I wouldn't get 25 points by the end of the game. We both chugged a lot of beer, and I forgot the details but by the last round, I had 24 points, bowled one gutter, and then the second and last time I managed to hit ONE pin. Yay! I won! I have a thing for the pin on the faaarrr right. Even if I started walking on the far left my ball would manage to gravitate to the right gutter or that pin. I was hittin that pin all night. The second game, Peter bet me another $5 that I wouldn't get 35 points by the end of the game and I won by the 6th round. Ahhh I'm so pathetic. I haven't bowled since I was like..9 or something and I remember I bowled an 81 WITHOUT bumpers.
Now...homework. booo
Yesterday I went to...
and hung out with Dean, Albert, and a bunch of other people. I think I got a sore throat from all the second hand chainsmoking lol. Second hand smoking hurts a lot more than just smoking.
Afterwards, went to Dean's for some fooood and watched Weeds with Albert on the couch. We were sooo close to reaching Season 2, my favorite, and then I had to leave to go bowling. Dean packed me a nice little to-go box of beer chicken on pasta with pesto. Hella good.
Sooo...bowling. I'm pretty awful. I went with Peter and Jump because a bunch of other people flaked. In the first game, I had like, 16 points by the 7th round. Peter bet me five bucks I wouldn't get 25 points by the end of the game. We both chugged a lot of beer, and I forgot the details but by the last round, I had 24 points, bowled one gutter, and then the second and last time I managed to hit ONE pin. Yay! I won! I have a thing for the pin on the faaarrr right. Even if I started walking on the far left my ball would manage to gravitate to the right gutter or that pin. I was hittin that pin all night. The second game, Peter bet me another $5 that I wouldn't get 35 points by the end of the game and I won by the 6th round. Ahhh I'm so pathetic. I haven't bowled since I was like..9 or something and I remember I bowled an 81 WITHOUT bumpers.
Now...homework. booo
7/18/09
Harry Potter Update!
So I FINALLY went to go see Harry Potter and I would have to say I was definitely impressed in comparison to the last few disasters that came out after the 3rd. I won't get into too much detail, but I will bring to light things that most people would oversee in a film.
First CINEMATOGRAPHY was brilliant. Kudos to Bruno Delbonnel, hella famous, if you didn't know. He's a Frenchie and was Director of Photography for Across the Universe, Paris Je T'aime, and Amelie.
Second, the MUSIC was amazing! Original music by Nicholas Hooper. Not once did I hear that juvenile old tune from the 1st film. He did the Order of the Phoenix, but the music for this particular film was outstanding. The music was intense, epic, sad, and jolly. I almost cried at the end when _____ dies, not because I felt a connection to the dreaded actor that portrayed my favorite character, but because the music was breathtaking.
Third, the humor. Humor brought out the real "acting" in some of the worst characters. Most of the actors had to be drugged up in the movie for their real abilities as an "actor" were revealed. Pay attention to the scenes involving drugs, aka potions.
Fourth, Horace Slughorn, portrayed by my faaaave Jim Broadbent, aka Zidler from Moulin Rouge. Just delightful. I LOVED each of his scenes.
Fifth, Quidditch! The sport makes a GREAT, but short comeback, and the kids zooming around in the sky on broomsticks looks so much more realistic! Thank goodness! So thanks to special effects.
Sixth, Costumes were rather enjoyable! Pay attention to McGonagall's coat, Slughorn's pj's and Bellatrix's costume.
Seventh, Bellatrix Lestrange. Played by the uber-amazing Helena Bonham Carter. So effortless. She deserved more screentime.
Eight, props to the art department! (No pun intended.) You have to conceptualize that on the set of a film, you're given an empty space and it is up to the art department to make it feel real and old and lived it. Pay attention to Mr. Weasley's garage, the Room of Requirement, and Slughorn's dinner parties.
So the only problems I had with the film were the two actors of Ginny and Dumbledore. I guess I'm ok with Ginny, because even in print her character didn't have much of a heart or personality, but if you're playing Harry Potter's love interest, I'm thinking an acting coach could have spent a LITTLE more time on your performance. My beloved Dumbledore was butchered the moment Michael Gambon was introduced so all I have to say is DO YOUR RESEARCH. If you're playing a beloved character from a book, at least try and make the effort to please us.
And that was supposed to be my short Harry Potter Recap. Goodnight!
P.S., special shout-outs to Cormac, Lavender, and Luna whose characters were slightly over-exaggerated, but humorously made up for a lot of the other characters *cough* Ginny.
First CINEMATOGRAPHY was brilliant. Kudos to Bruno Delbonnel, hella famous, if you didn't know. He's a Frenchie and was Director of Photography for Across the Universe, Paris Je T'aime, and Amelie.
Second, the MUSIC was amazing! Original music by Nicholas Hooper. Not once did I hear that juvenile old tune from the 1st film. He did the Order of the Phoenix, but the music for this particular film was outstanding. The music was intense, epic, sad, and jolly. I almost cried at the end when _____ dies, not because I felt a connection to the dreaded actor that portrayed my favorite character, but because the music was breathtaking.
Third, the humor. Humor brought out the real "acting" in some of the worst characters. Most of the actors had to be drugged up in the movie for their real abilities as an "actor" were revealed. Pay attention to the scenes involving drugs, aka potions.
Fourth, Horace Slughorn, portrayed by my faaaave Jim Broadbent, aka Zidler from Moulin Rouge. Just delightful. I LOVED each of his scenes.
Fifth, Quidditch! The sport makes a GREAT, but short comeback, and the kids zooming around in the sky on broomsticks looks so much more realistic! Thank goodness! So thanks to special effects.
Sixth, Costumes were rather enjoyable! Pay attention to McGonagall's coat, Slughorn's pj's and Bellatrix's costume.
Seventh, Bellatrix Lestrange. Played by the uber-amazing Helena Bonham Carter. So effortless. She deserved more screentime.
Eight, props to the art department! (No pun intended.) You have to conceptualize that on the set of a film, you're given an empty space and it is up to the art department to make it feel real and old and lived it. Pay attention to Mr. Weasley's garage, the Room of Requirement, and Slughorn's dinner parties.
So the only problems I had with the film were the two actors of Ginny and Dumbledore. I guess I'm ok with Ginny, because even in print her character didn't have much of a heart or personality, but if you're playing Harry Potter's love interest, I'm thinking an acting coach could have spent a LITTLE more time on your performance. My beloved Dumbledore was butchered the moment Michael Gambon was introduced so all I have to say is DO YOUR RESEARCH. If you're playing a beloved character from a book, at least try and make the effort to please us.
And that was supposed to be my short Harry Potter Recap. Goodnight!
P.S., special shout-outs to Cormac, Lavender, and Luna whose characters were slightly over-exaggerated, but humorously made up for a lot of the other characters *cough* Ginny.
7/17/09
Violet
So the inspiration has finally hit for my new collection at school. I will be designing a Fall/Winter 2010 Dancewear collection inspired by Louis Malle's film Pretty Baby. 
For those of you that haven't heard of it, it came out in 1978 and it's about a brothel in New Orleans. Oh, and Brooke Shields was a pre-teen raised in the brothel (her role made her famous). Her momma was Susan Sarandon. Madame Nell owns the brothel and eventually tries to auction off Brooke Shields' virginity, but of course she wants to lose it to some dude she actually loves. 
For those of you that haven't heard of it, it came out in 1978 and it's about a brothel in New Orleans. Oh, and Brooke Shields was a pre-teen raised in the brothel (her role made her famous). Her momma was Susan Sarandon. Madame Nell owns the brothel and eventually tries to auction off Brooke Shields' virginity, but of course she wants to lose it to some dude she actually loves.It kind of combines all my favorite things. Lingerie. Lace. Ruffles. Volume. Poufy Hair. 1920's. New Orleans. Brothels. And lots of skin. And lots of leg. And collarbones. And shoulders. And wrists. I think I shall post up some flats on here now that I know how to use Photoshop.
I'm particularly fascinated by how subdued the sexiness is in this photograph. I love it!
7/16/09
7/15/09
pair a phrase
me: "I want it to be really small and intimate; just a couple people."
suwanna: "ooh, exclusive!!!"
...pause....
me: "...and then i can tell everyone to dress nice!!!!!!!"
suwanna: "I knew that was coming."
***
me: "Can I cut the line though? Haha, jk"
d: "Haha, if ya lucky."
me: "Probably not. I have to head back for work at 12:45"
d: "I'm just kidding. Just come say hi and I'll hook you up with no line. Just as long as I get a smiley greeting."
***
me: "I'm excited for myself! Why am I so gaga over boys right now?"
suwanna: "Because you want a boy that will treat you right for once."
sdkjsdfgkhdfgkjdfgkj =)
suwanna: "ooh, exclusive!!!"
...pause....
me: "...and then i can tell everyone to dress nice!!!!!!!"
suwanna: "I knew that was coming."
***
me: "Can I cut the line though? Haha, jk"
d: "Haha, if ya lucky."
me: "Probably not. I have to head back for work at 12:45"
d: "I'm just kidding. Just come say hi and I'll hook you up with no line. Just as long as I get a smiley greeting."
***
me: "I'm excited for myself! Why am I so gaga over boys right now?"
suwanna: "Because you want a boy that will treat you right for once."
sdkjsdfgkhdfgkjdfgkj =)
7/13/09
sdiufhsafjgd;f;dijgsp
she doesn't know me. i want to live on my own again.
It's starting to become my bad trait; my unattachment to EVERYTHING, my colder/calmer heart, my worry-lessness, my positive outlook when everyone else is negative. I can tell I'm being perceived as arrogant, rude, and reckless. I've become so so well-practiced at being a Buddhist because I don't want to hurt and feel any pain anymore, but the thing is, I have people and things I'm supposed to care about and react around...I'm not meditating in a forest alone under a nice tree. Dangit Buddha, you didn't give us the answers to this side of life. Like how to deal with menopausal mommas.
***
And I'm not milking it or brushing it under the rug. YOU'RE stupid. This is where you put me.
Keep - Drinking. Smoking. Drugs. Stealing. Passing out. Parties. Dancing. Clubbing.
Toss - School. Me.
she doesn't know me. i want to live on my own again.
It's starting to become my bad trait; my unattachment to EVERYTHING, my colder/calmer heart, my worry-lessness, my positive outlook when everyone else is negative. I can tell I'm being perceived as arrogant, rude, and reckless. I've become so so well-practiced at being a Buddhist because I don't want to hurt and feel any pain anymore, but the thing is, I have people and things I'm supposed to care about and react around...I'm not meditating in a forest alone under a nice tree. Dangit Buddha, you didn't give us the answers to this side of life. Like how to deal with menopausal mommas.
***
And I'm not milking it or brushing it under the rug. YOU'RE stupid. This is where you put me.
Keep - Drinking. Smoking. Drugs. Stealing. Passing out. Parties. Dancing. Clubbing.
Toss - School. Me.
7/12/09
7/11/09
Funny high school story.
So I have this wêksós online class, and I'm taking time to rewrite all the notes the teacher already posted online because I feel like rewriting them will help me understand and memorize all the information. This small action brought me back to this incident in class back in the day.
Mr. Zuber: "It takes 38 repetitions for your brain to permanently remember information."
Jesse (turning to the rude, fat, gangster sitting next to him) "Jeff, you're a whale. Jeff, you're a whale. Jeff, you're a whale......"
Ahh, good times with Jesse. Like celebrating his 18th bday drinking Bacardi and Squirt in Zuber's class right before heading to Advanced Dance. lol.
Numa? No, Namu
Last night, Peter, Jump, and I went to Namu, one of favorite joints in the city.
Well, first off, Peter and I drove to Jump's house in Redwood City to pick him up and Peter was speeding down the neighborhood, unbuckled his seatbelt down the block, halfway parked on the driveway and the street, ran into Jump's house, and caught the last minute of the Giant's no-hitter game. Boys and their sports.
So, back to Namu. It's on Balboa in the Richmond District. They do Asian Fusion cuisine. Mostly Korean, but they toss some Japanese and Thai stuff in it too. It's owned by the 3 Lee brothers, and everything about the restaurant is sustainable, local, green. They only shop at Farmer's Markets around the city and their menu is strictly seasonal.
The first time I went with a group of friends, I wasn't very hungry so I had the chicken yakitori. There wasn't much on the plate, but each piece of chicken was so juicy and cooked just right. That night we met David, the youngest of the Lee brothers. All of us chatted and he gave us 3 rounds of sake on the house. BOMB!
Last night me and Peter shared the Korean beef burger which was so tender and yummaaay. I also shared my Korean bbq beef tacos with Peter but I can't find pictures online since it was recently added to the menu. Basically its the bbq beef with a slice of avocado, salsa, rice, and this Korean sauce laid on top of a seaweed wrapper (like a tortilla). So good.
For drinks the boys had Japanese rice beer, and I had strawberry-mango soju. Later David intro'd me to a freshly squeezed grapefruit soju which was so refreshing!
The atmosphere is so chill, and David is a really cool guy to talk to. I think we stayed and chatted from 10:30 pm to 1am!
I'm thinking about doing my birthday here, so stay tuned homies.
7/8/09
"it's soooo overrr!!! he says he needs a new girl but he's going to buy a bigger bed at ikea to share with his gf who's staying until august!!!"
AHAHAHA, pathetic. only suwanna understands. whomp whomp.
***
I hope I find the will to go running tomorrow. I can't afford a gym membership on top of not having the will to DRIVE myself to the gym.
ohh, and i'm playing guitar again! running and guitar in one day! I am a new woman!
7/6/09
yeee
Life is goooood
I wish it could be this good for everyone else....
I need more fun! My first day of summer school is the 14th so hit me up ya'll!!! :)
I wish it could be this good for everyone else....
I need more fun! My first day of summer school is the 14th so hit me up ya'll!!! :)
7/1/09
"PENIS!!!"
They were playing the "penis" game in this scene.Gen Art, or Charm, hooked me up with some advanced screening tickets for 500 Days of Summer. Well, here's how it went. At 2:30 pm on Monday, I went to Century 25 to watch Transformers by myself. Then, I headed to SF to catch 500, and I called up Nung to meet me (she lives in Antioch).
The movie was so good! Great soundtrack, it was funny, cute, and real. Real in the sense that there wasn't a really cheesy ending.
Over the weekend I went to EDC (last Friday) and it was insane. I barely danced and I had a blast. I felt like I was in Across the Universe. On Saturday I went to Trailer Music Live which was an amazing concert. The orchestra and Angeles Chorale played the trailer music for amazing movies ie, Transformers, Spiderman, Indiana Jones, Defiance, The Changeling, Iron Man... Then, I drove home from 11pm to 4am. Tiring, but EPIC, weekend.
The past 2 days Nung and I have been washing all the Thai dance costumes. Some garments such as silk and metal filament embroidered trims all needed to be washed by hand. Pain in the arse. And let's just say that my back, shoulders, forearms, and hands hurt.
On Friday, Peter will be hosting a July 3rd party, so I gotta bring 7-layer dip.
On Saturday, hopefully I'll being going out for Asian Karaoke hahaha.
On Monday I hope to be going to Yosemite, my first time since I was like, 5 or 6!
and...STEVE. ahahaha
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