"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm."
-George Carlin, one of JLHS's finest music teachers.
6/30/10
6/29/10
There's a cemetery deep below the sea
They're the spaces reserved for fools like me
Tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
but nothing seemed to turn out right
Now I'd rather wait a half a century
soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
nothing seems to turn out right
Something's gotta turn out right
If you want then when we die
we'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
There's no one who imagines like you
so convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
Tell me, do you still feel this?
As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing that I'll do
I will tell them I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
And I'll face the one who made
my disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
They're the spaces reserved for fools like me
Tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
but nothing seemed to turn out right
Now I'd rather wait a half a century
soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
nothing seems to turn out right
Something's gotta turn out right
If you want then when we die
we'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
There's no one who imagines like you
so convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
Tell me, do you still feel this?
As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing that I'll do
I will tell them I'm with you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough
And I'll face the one who made
my disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
6/27/10
You are the light of my life.
Is it strange to say that at 20 years of age I am sure that my life's happiness depends on one person?
I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.
...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.
If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.
When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.
I can't live without you.
I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.
...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.
If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.
When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.
I can't live without you.
5/26/10
Upwards
Because of the slowly emerging effects of that wretched carpal tunnel in my right wrist and forearm, I've been forcing myself to keep my computer off once I get home from work as well as weekends. It's been hard. I have loads of blogs that I MUST check up on every night haha...so sometimes I try to use more of my left hand.
This week has been great. I'll start by writing about everything that happened since last Monday.
The weekend before and thru Monday/Tuesday, my great uncle and his new girlfriend came for a visit. My great uncle was general of the Thai Navy and his new girlfriend is a doctor. I'm not entirely sure of what she did but she got a PhD from John Hopkins. Now, just by reading about their professions, you'd think that they'd be stuck-up Asians, but no...they were fun. They also spoke English very well. I didn't get to hang out much so that was that.
On Wednesday I went out to dinner with my parents and their friends Golf and Fon. Fon had just returned from Thailand so we had a really nice dinner at Epic Roasthouse on Embarcadero. The food was so-so, the drinks were good, but the seating was magical. Reservations were impossible to get, but upstairs seating was a free-for-all. We managed to get a table tucked away in the corner with floor to ceiling windows and views of the rest of the Embarcadero as well as the Bay Bridge. The seats were cozy leather sofa chairs. The atmosphere was soooo cozy. The food was BLAH, so if I were to return with company, it would have to be for drinks only. Even the dessert sucked. I had a lavender lemonade which was good. My mom had a rose-infused cocktail, and the rest at our table had a well received tangerine beer.
Friday I got a call from Max and he was especially short with me. About a minute into our call he had to get off the phone for a breather or something because I was THAT irritating haha. He gets that way if he has a sucky week at training. It's a little tough to deal with. It's hard to find things to talk about and since we don't see each other often, you'd think talking about my day would suffice but a civilian's daily routine is just dumb compared to the things a Marine does. Or any military personnel. It's my own little reminder that I just have to suck up all the "horrible" things that happen during my bad week because everything Max is going through is 10x worse. Max was having a bad week in general with training, but he also hadn't been paid since he started at the end of April. By Saturday it was fixed though, which was great. During the evening Sam and I attended Logan's gala for the theatre which was fantastic. Semi-formal galas with VIP seating don't happen often in the city.
On Sunday night I met up with Candice and AJ at Paddy's which was fun. I don't hang out with people often (because I don't care to) and I had a good time catching up. Both of them are hilarious and just flat out wonderful. Unfortunately Natty (hello!), who introduced me to the two, is still in SD. To this day I'm still surprised by how close we've gotten; we've probably hung out a handful of times since I met them in New York. AJ got a job at Google which is soooo MAJOR LEAGUE! I don't think he even understands how epic that is.
Yesterday I had my mom talk to Max's mom and yes, I'm going to Disneyland this weekend! My dad has been more accepting of the future "When are you moving out again?!?!?" "When can I take you off my phone plan?!?!" but my mom wants me to ask permission for everrryyything.
I'm growing tired of my work day by day and I'm growing more and more excited about LA. I check Craigslist for apartments aaaall the time even though I know by heart the names and locations of the apartment buildings I have in mind. I read the reviews on Yelp, Apartment Ratings, etc. I follow all the Downtown LA news blogs...I can't wait. I'm also very ready for a new adventure as far as work. I feel like I'm just a machine. I'm not contributing any ideas, I only have one singular responsibility, I don't have a work email address; I hardly exist. I'm ready for something new.
Aaaand, that's it.
This week has been great. I'll start by writing about everything that happened since last Monday.
The weekend before and thru Monday/Tuesday, my great uncle and his new girlfriend came for a visit. My great uncle was general of the Thai Navy and his new girlfriend is a doctor. I'm not entirely sure of what she did but she got a PhD from John Hopkins. Now, just by reading about their professions, you'd think that they'd be stuck-up Asians, but no...they were fun. They also spoke English very well. I didn't get to hang out much so that was that.
On Wednesday I went out to dinner with my parents and their friends Golf and Fon. Fon had just returned from Thailand so we had a really nice dinner at Epic Roasthouse on Embarcadero. The food was so-so, the drinks were good, but the seating was magical. Reservations were impossible to get, but upstairs seating was a free-for-all. We managed to get a table tucked away in the corner with floor to ceiling windows and views of the rest of the Embarcadero as well as the Bay Bridge. The seats were cozy leather sofa chairs. The atmosphere was soooo cozy. The food was BLAH, so if I were to return with company, it would have to be for drinks only. Even the dessert sucked. I had a lavender lemonade which was good. My mom had a rose-infused cocktail, and the rest at our table had a well received tangerine beer.
Friday I got a call from Max and he was especially short with me. About a minute into our call he had to get off the phone for a breather or something because I was THAT irritating haha. He gets that way if he has a sucky week at training. It's a little tough to deal with. It's hard to find things to talk about and since we don't see each other often, you'd think talking about my day would suffice but a civilian's daily routine is just dumb compared to the things a Marine does. Or any military personnel. It's my own little reminder that I just have to suck up all the "horrible" things that happen during my bad week because everything Max is going through is 10x worse. Max was having a bad week in general with training, but he also hadn't been paid since he started at the end of April. By Saturday it was fixed though, which was great. During the evening Sam and I attended Logan's gala for the theatre which was fantastic. Semi-formal galas with VIP seating don't happen often in the city.
On Sunday night I met up with Candice and AJ at Paddy's which was fun. I don't hang out with people often (because I don't care to) and I had a good time catching up. Both of them are hilarious and just flat out wonderful. Unfortunately Natty (hello!), who introduced me to the two, is still in SD. To this day I'm still surprised by how close we've gotten; we've probably hung out a handful of times since I met them in New York. AJ got a job at Google which is soooo MAJOR LEAGUE! I don't think he even understands how epic that is.
Yesterday I had my mom talk to Max's mom and yes, I'm going to Disneyland this weekend! My dad has been more accepting of the future "When are you moving out again?!?!?" "When can I take you off my phone plan?!?!" but my mom wants me to ask permission for everrryyything.
I'm growing tired of my work day by day and I'm growing more and more excited about LA. I check Craigslist for apartments aaaall the time even though I know by heart the names and locations of the apartment buildings I have in mind. I read the reviews on Yelp, Apartment Ratings, etc. I follow all the Downtown LA news blogs...I can't wait. I'm also very ready for a new adventure as far as work. I feel like I'm just a machine. I'm not contributing any ideas, I only have one singular responsibility, I don't have a work email address; I hardly exist. I'm ready for something new.
Aaaand, that's it.
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