"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm."

-George Carlin, one of JLHS's finest music teachers.

sometimes i'm not entirely convinced you love me.

There's a cemetery deep below the sea
They're the spaces reserved for fools like me
Tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
but nothing seemed to turn out right

Now I'd rather wait a half a century
soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
nothing seems to turn out right
Something's gotta turn out right

If you want then when we die
we'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you

You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you

There's no one who imagines like you
so convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
Tell me, do you still feel this?

As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing that I'll do
I will tell them I'm with you

You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you

Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough

Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough

And I'll face the one who made
my disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you

You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you

You are the light of my life.

Is it strange to say that at 20 years of age I am sure that my life's happiness depends on one person?

I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.

...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.

If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.

When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.

I can't live without you.