secrets

I don't believe in much of anything but one thing I do believe in comes from this book called The Secret. I had my personal beliefs straight and didn't read the book first but basically...

"the tenet of the book is that an individual's focused positive thinking can result in life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, happiness and more"

I got that off Wikipedia. Like I mentioned before, I still think the book, once read in detail beyond the general concept, gets a little loony and cult-ish. Just the general concept is all. It's the placebo effect.

Anyways, the reason I brought this up is because I connected this focused positive thinking usually reserved for myself and relayed it to the person I love the most. (Side note, I do focus positive thoughts to my closest friends and family as well, so don't feel left out or accuse me of being selfish! Also, positive thinking and faith can only go so far. Your actions make it happen). I also compared this to my relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

My relationship dragged with my ex-boyfriend dragged on for a painful year too long. I stopped believing in him. All the dreams and goals he shared with me sounded dumb. I thought everything sounded really stupid and that he was going to make a fool of himself. Maybe I was even correct about him being a fool the entire time (being depressed with no traumatic event as the cause, wanting to be an MTV VJ, hello, no broadcasting experience and a cancelled TRL show, a solo trip to India) but love doesn't work that way. You've got to let your partner know he's being a fool when he needs to be reminded of it the most. He shouldn't be a fool all the time or else you're just a fool for dating a fool or you don't even like him that much in the first place (both, for me).

When you love someone, you believe in them. You believe in their dreams, their goals, their capabilities, their strengths, their wants. However, you're also got to be able to tell them when they're being dumb. And that's exactly how I feel about Killer. I haven't had much opportunity to tell him (if not ever) he was acting dumb because he thinks very thoroughly about everything beforehand. In fact, he usually thinks about my ideas more than I do sometimes, heh. He's worried about his current job application, but I believe in good things for him. Not good luck, but that he is very capable of getting the job just as long as he keeps working hard for what he wants. I'm actually very excited for him but I can't let my my wants and beliefs outdo his own. He has to want it first. He is so smart, so reliable, protective, attentive, strong, noble, passionate, caring, brave, honorable, wise, and full of the other ideal qualities that make an officer.

I hate bringing up my ex-boyfriend because I spent months and months crying over him and he was really dumb and I was even dumber and what I thought was true love that we shared really wasn't. The more I compare between the past and what I have with Killer now, I discover that I really didn't know how to love back then. Every day I'm noticing the ways I've grown to love Killer.

This time, the way I've grown to love Killer is because I'm up at 3:15am to write this long, ridiculous essay that goes off on so many wrong tangents and missing key points just to bring you back to the topic of how damned much I believe in him getting that damned job. Too much. He mentioned before about love; knowing what he wants and working to make it so and keep it that way. At the time, I was stupid and unsure about myself but now I can say that I love him that much, that I want him that much, and that I will continue to work to keep it that way. BUT, if he is able to know and work on loving me so long as he wants, he should be able to get the job he wants. So...basically, I get to believe in him now while he's mostly worried.

I'm really awful and essays but I could crack a really good joke to Killer right now but I cannot divulge our inside information to you outside common-folk. =P

And to remind you of this simple quote I often brushed off from the color guard God...
"Desire overcomes all fear and doubt"

<5.5!