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Back Here

2011-07-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

I have 3 blogs now. Isn't that insane? I use my Tumblr for mostly reblogs and inspiration photos, my choufleurdowntown blog to post "interesting" photos of my life and work, and this one to complain. I figure it would be easier to just close this one and privatize my personal posts on my other blog but I've already accumulated so many entries on this one. Only like, 4 people know of this and I don't think ANYONE reads this so I'm good.

So...life so far...

After one wonderful year in Downtown Los Angeles, Max and I are moving to Pasadena. Max has been suffering a 1hr Metro commute to Pasadena to attend school, on top of suffering the stinky homeless population in downtown, the traffic, and the additional $70 he has to pay for off-site parking, and the additional monthly fee for the Metro. Me, well, I've been daydreaming, taking in the architecture, strolling, enjoying the neighborhood's growth, the abundance of bars and restaurants, and my 4 block walk to work. It's only fair that we make this move so Max's life can be a little easier.

Max is currently in Tblisi, Georgia to train the army over there. Perfect timing. I've pretty much packed up the entirety of the loft BY MYSELF on top of dealing with moving out procedures and acquiring a new place in Pasadena. Things (knock on wood) are starting to fall into place. We signed a contract with our landlord that allowed them to show our unit to prospective renters while we're still living here, and if someone decided they wanted to rent our unit during that time, we would get a $200 bonus. The leasing agent showed my unit to 3 different parties in one day (and apologized each time for intruding) and someone has already decided to rent! It seemed like none of the parties lingered in my apartment for more than 2 minutes. On top of that, the landlord of the apartments in Pasadena we like just emailed me to say that there should be a unit available on August 6th. Our last day here in Downtown is August 12th. That gives us enough overlap time to move apartments without having to pay so much pro-rated rent for the new place.

Geez, since the last time I blogged, I hadn't even moved to Downtown yet...I don't think. From October 2010 to April 2011 I worked for this children's formal wear website and it was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. A ghetto/tiny start-up and I was making $10/hr without taxes taken out from my paychecks. It was hardly sustainable and I dipped into my savings from my summer job in order to make rent. My boss was crazy and I don't know how I put up with her. She made me cry more than once! It was frustrating because she was so mean and I could care less about the work. Like Francis once told me, "Minimum wage, minimum effort." It was a difficult job and it definitely opened my eyes to the truly awful side of the fashion industry. It also made me comfortable dealing with unhappy customers.

I peaced out in April to work for Macy's Special Productions for 6 weeks in San Francisco. This was a completely bittersweet experience. I got to go back home, which meant I left Max in LA. I was making bank and having so much fun styling for a fashion show, but then it was only a 6 week job. I seriously felt overpaid. We would wander around Macy's, picking clothes for the show and hanging out/taking long lunches. It was essentially a final product based job. If that job could last forever, I could actually afford to LIVE in San Francisco.

In May I came back down to LA and was unemployed for a month. I took the time to relax from the nightmare that was my children's formal wear job. I did pretty well with my fitness during that time. For weeks I actually enjoyed lazying around, working out, and lazying some more in the apartment.

June to the present...I'm working as a hostess for a fast-paced restaurant. I'm making really good money but my hours are crazy. Split shifts mean I don't stay at work for extended periods of time, but I mostly have to stay home and revolve my entire day around the shorter shifts and returning back to work. It's impossible to get my shifts covered because there is only 1 other host and I don't have a real weekend anymore. Tuesday is my only full day off. Thursday I only work 2 hours. It sucks, but the money is good.

A music video I styled for is releasing tomorrow! Check Corridor Digital on Youtube.

I'm sort of in talks with the line producer for this low budget indie film as a costume/wardrobe assistant. I know I'm completely capable, but I don't really have anything to show for it. I need to build a portfolio or website ASAP.

I've also got another gig with Macy's for their Glamorama fashion show in September. That'll be a nice break.

Listing all this stuff looks like I've accomplished a lot but I feel like crap. I really want to get back to school. At first I wanted to pursue a bio degree and go to med school but now I'm thinking nursing. I can't ask my parents for anymore money since I did fashion school. My lofty dreams of med school will put me in further debt. Nursing sounds more financially attainable. I was on a roll with signing up for city college and getting the governor's grant to cover my classes and then...all the classes are full. I probably won't be able to sign up for anything until winter semester.

My dad also invited me to go to Thailand with him in November to volunteer for Operation Smile, you know, the kids with cleft palates and stuff. It sounds like fun. I figure that since I have no solid commitments to school or work for the time being, I might as well experience something great.

Til next time...

Two More Weeks!

2010-07-31T01:27:00.000-07:00

I just had half a glass of cheap Riesling; after finishing, I realized that I nonchalantly grabbed the bottle from the fridge, poured myself a glass, enjoyed it...all while being 2.5 weeks away from the age of 21...OOPS. I also have 1.5 hrs left of battery life on my laptop so here goes.

So, as...2 of you may have heard, I was laid off from work. It was a strange experience because my feelings were all sorts of jumbled up. In order I was mostly mad, relieved, didn'tgiveafuck and sad. Our new project manager came into the office 2 Wednesdays ago, introduced himself, and talked to us 1-on-1. Notes of the things he said to me and my nonverbal, italicized rebuttals:

-It's not about you and your work; your work is great.
-How would you know, you don't even know how the studio works and you don't know anything about fashion. You're Indian and wearing jeans with studded cowboy boots.

-We just have to cut back on our budget just as the company we're doing this project with is cutting back.
-What about the _ _ million dollars that was invested in our company? What about the contract that company signed with ours to do that project?

-We also took seniority into account when it came to who to let go.
-You stupid bitch, I've been here the longest (out of the people that have the same job position). I've probably been here longer than you, AND I know I do the BEST work out of everyone.

***
I didn't cry, which is good. I have turned into an emotional wreck on many occasions and I also cry when I'm extremely angry with authority but there was definitely no crying this time. I really hated getting laid off by a complete stranger, but at the same time, I knew I wanted to leave...just 2 paychecks later. I know for a fact I was laid off because I MENTIONED I was planning to move to LA in August. On the other hand, I really wanted to quit first instead of getting laid off because I NEVER get to settle things, I usually become lazy, passive, or I just let others walk all over me.

Anyways, I left the ex-workplace right after the bomb was dropped, didn't really say goodbye to anyone...my supervisor looked at me with a sadface and mouthed "sorry..." then turned back to her computer.

LISTEN TO THIS: Work people are not your friends. They're just work people.

I drove back to my mom's work, ordered a Turkey Bacon Avocado on sourdough with a root beer and fries, bought a suitcase from TJMaxx, then got picked up by my boyfriend and his stepdad and headed to Roseville. I had a lovely post-layoff weekend in Roseville. Got 2 Droid X's, watched the midnight showing of Inception, went to the state fair...really lovely.

Saturday night we drove back to Union City and I told my mom I was planning to go down to LA with Max to look at apartments. And at this very moment, the night 8 months after I tell her I'm planning on moving into an apartment with my boyfriend, she says no. So we talk. And I cry, because she says lots of stupid, irrational things and I want to scream stupid, irrational, MEAN things but I can't. Max did quite a bit of speaking for me which was much appreciated and endearing, but I was sorta proud for the things I said on my part. It basically came down to a few things; Mom's points and me and Max's responses in italic:

1.) Thai/Asian society: A girl shouldn't live with a boy unless they're married.
Thai/Asian society doesn't need to know. If they find out it's only because you (Mom) tell them. Also, it's best for couples to live together before they decide to get married because then you know you're domestically compatible.

2.) If you move out, you won't be covered in our health insurance.
I didn't have the facts up from, but through CalHealth.net I could be covered for $80-$150 a month plus there are free clinics.

Mostly, my mom was fine with me not having health insurance...as long as I was living with a girl. Me and Max will be taking care of each other. He is my driving force. It's not like I'm going to move to LA for fun; I will find work. In the end, my mom was/is not okay with it...it came down to my dad getting home from work, being a part of the conversation for 30 minutes plus awkward silence, then, "Mom, you just gotta let her go." PS, My dad had recently purchased a motorcycle, an action which my mom has expressed infinite angry disapproval of, so he is on my side even though I didn't know about the bike in the first place!

So, off to LA we go!

I can't believe I spent an entire week in Irvine/Los Angeles. A mix of watching the Avatar series, watching his friends play video games, me playing PC games and getting frustrated, swimming at the pool, looking at apartments, helping Max apply for classes at Pasadena.

We finally got an apartment! We must've looked at 8-10 places and although the place we got isn't perfect, I love it so much and we'll make it perfect.

Also, apparently I have good credit because I got my credit checked for our Droids and the apartment.

Anyways, I caught a flight back to SF and my parents cancelled my car insurance because they thought that me spending this week in LA looking for apartments was me actually moving to LA for good. On the flip side, I got back my job as a subclerk for 2 weeks; they actually want me for an additional month which I can't do. But here's the thing, I'm so thankful to be working for the next 2 weeks because Max is doing training in Utah and this job provides me good income and something to occupy me for 2 weeks. The real thing was that the office had been wanting people for a while and that led me to realize that I had a FAST, bomb ass time in Socal for an entire week!

I wish I could work at the office longer but I want to move to LA so bad. I've been applying for jobs as the come up and only got one follow up so far. I've been selling some of my belongings...my mannequin, for $40, my beach cruiser for $100, my sofa chair for $60. All things I COULD'VE made more money off of...I got soooo many replies. I have a mirror and a reprint of an Emile Bellet work which will be hard to sell, but in Irvine I have an unworn Betsey Johnson dress and the tag said $350. I also have $194 in coins I need to turn in to cash.

Things are moving so fast. Next Friday (8/6) I get my braces off, the following Monday (8/9) I get 2 of my wisdom teeth out and Max officially gets done with training in Utah, and I'm supposed to be heading to LA the Wednesday (8/11) after. On top of that, my last check from my ex-company wasn't even signed so I sent it back, ugh. Then on top of that, working with the school district also means I won't get paid til the end of the month. Events are coming by so fast and my money is moving fast.

I already put down the first month's rent on the apartment, my wisdom teeth extraction will be financed with no interest for 6 months, I have to pay for our first month's bill on the Droids which is due the same day as the next check for the apartment. Then, on Monday, August 16th, AKA MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!! We're flying to New Orleans. I already paid for the hotel a month ago so it's happening. For real. Even if it means skipping breakfast, eating a cheap lunch and a non-extravagant dinner and no shopping involved, IT IS HAPPENING. Yes, I'm financially fucked after August...not really, but I want to have fun.

Since April when Max left for his first training, life has been pretty sucky. Both of us have been working up to this point, getting the phones and the apartment and finally being together. I really want this last hoorah in New Orleans before I officially start my career. I also hope my face isn't too swollen when I go to New Orleans. Lots of meds and icing for the pain and massaging my cheeks to move the blood.

Oh God! And then! I'm going to Europe with my friend for 10 days!!! The trip is paid for but I have to pay for her plane ticket which hopefully doesn't go over $500. That means I'll be sitting in economy with her. Haha.

I hope my money lasts!

I will have to be super stiff with my money, but I imagine that a lot of college/high school grads that have gone world traveling did so on far less money than what I have. Let's hope so! Wish me luck please!

2010-07-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

Old pictures from LA. Except for the first three pictures (DOIN' MAJOR WORK SON.), my lifestyle is going to be much different. And I'm excited for that.

2010-07-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is what I want to do to my hair eventually. I haven't found the right time. It'll probably happen once I find a job and only if it's a job that's cool with it.

2010-06-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm."

-George Carlin, one of JLHS's finest music teachers.

2010-06-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

sometimes i'm not entirely convinced you love me.

2010-06-29T23:16:00.000-07:00

There's a cemetery deep below the sea
They're the spaces reserved for fools like me
Tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
but nothing seemed to turn out right

Now I'd rather wait a half a century
soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
nothing seems to turn out right
Something's gotta turn out right

If you want then when we die
we'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you

You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you

There's no one who imagines like you
so convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
Tell me, do you still feel this?

As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing that I'll do
I will tell them I'm with you

You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you

Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough

Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel
as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
I could die with you, life would be enough

And I'll face the one who made
my disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you

You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you
(You're in my body and that's where I think about you)
You're in my body
You're, you're in my body
You're in my body
That's where I think about you

You are the light of my life.

2010-06-27T00:57:00.000-07:00

Is it strange to say that at 20 years of age I am sure that my life's happiness depends on one person?

I've had 3 months and change to think to myself of what I'd do if my person died during his deployment. Have my girlfriends move in with me. Get a dog. Mope around the apartment until someone finds me. Move to New York and let work ambitions consume me. All things useless. At least married military wives have kids to remember their husbands by. I won't have anything. Not even a dog. I need and want that ONE person that will always have my back. That one person to come home to. It's deeper and more intimate than what a best girl friend can give me. So then I thought about ending my life.

...Yes, it's morbid, but I find it kind of funny. Of death, I am not afraid. The process in which I'd inflict it upon my self. Yes. I've been through broken limbs and stuff, but never self-inflicted. If I had to poke myself with a needle, I'd probably faint. How the heck could I end myself? Overdosing on drugs? Pricey. Jumping off a building, nah, I don't want to splatter. Cutting my wrists? Eh, slow and...I don't like blood. Hanging myself? It's terrifying. Luckily, my person reminded me that I could run a car's engine in the garage and fall into a deep slumber. I've always slightly enjoyed the smell of gasoline anyway.

If my person died and no body came back, which I obviously don't want to happen, I'd give myself a time frame using the average number of days every documented US prisoner of war has been held captive plus an additional 3 months just in case he comes back.

When I mentioned my thoughts to my person, he sounded convinced that I'd hook up with one of his friends. To be honest, I had never considered finding someone new to replace my person. Just to be sure, I skimmed through all my male Facebook friends and checked them off. No, I could and would not EVER want anything to do with any of them. None. My person is the one boy I've dreamed about since I was 10 years old. We could have not worked out, but we did and I like saying I'm in love with the guy that I fell in love with since I was 10 years old.

I can't live without you.

Upwards

2010-05-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

Because of the slowly emerging effects of that wretched carpal tunnel in my right wrist and forearm, I've been forcing myself to keep my computer off once I get home from work as well as weekends. It's been hard. I have loads of blogs that I MUST check up on every night haha...so sometimes I try to use more of my left hand.

This week has been great. I'll start by writing about everything that happened since last Monday.

The weekend before and thru Monday/Tuesday, my great uncle and his new girlfriend came for a visit. My great uncle was general of the Thai Navy and his new girlfriend is a doctor. I'm not entirely sure of what she did but she got a PhD from John Hopkins. Now, just by reading about their professions, you'd think that they'd be stuck-up Asians, but no...they were fun. They also spoke English very well. I didn't get to hang out much so that was that.

On Wednesday I went out to dinner with my parents and their friends Golf and Fon. Fon had just returned from Thailand so we had a really nice dinner at Epic Roasthouse on Embarcadero. The food was so-so, the drinks were good, but the seating was magical. Reservations were impossible to get, but upstairs seating was a free-for-all. We managed to get a table tucked away in the corner with floor to ceiling windows and views of the rest of the Embarcadero as well as the Bay Bridge. The seats were cozy leather sofa chairs. The atmosphere was soooo cozy. The food was BLAH, so if I were to return with company, it would have to be for drinks only. Even the dessert sucked. I had a lavender lemonade which was good. My mom had a rose-infused cocktail, and the rest at our table had a well received tangerine beer.

Friday I got a call from Max and he was especially short with me. About a minute into our call he had to get off the phone for a breather or something because I was THAT irritating haha. He gets that way if he has a sucky week at training. It's a little tough to deal with. It's hard to find things to talk about and since we don't see each other often, you'd think talking about my day would suffice but a civilian's daily routine is just dumb compared to the things a Marine does. Or any military personnel. It's my own little reminder that I just have to suck up all the "horrible" things that happen during my bad week because everything Max is going through is 10x worse. Max was having a bad week in general with training, but he also hadn't been paid since he started at the end of April. By Saturday it was fixed though, which was great. During the evening Sam and I attended Logan's gala for the theatre which was fantastic. Semi-formal galas with VIP seating don't happen often in the city.

On Sunday night I met up with Candice and AJ at Paddy's which was fun. I don't hang out with people often (because I don't care to) and I had a good time catching up. Both of them are hilarious and just flat out wonderful. Unfortunately Natty (hello!), who introduced me to the two, is still in SD. To this day I'm still surprised by how close we've gotten; we've probably hung out a handful of times since I met them in New York. AJ got a job at Google which is soooo MAJOR LEAGUE! I don't think he even understands how epic that is.

Yesterday I had my mom talk to Max's mom and yes, I'm going to Disneyland this weekend! My dad has been more accepting of the future "When are you moving out again?!?!?" "When can I take you off my phone plan?!?!" but my mom wants me to ask permission for everrryyything.

I'm growing tired of my work day by day and I'm growing more and more excited about LA. I check Craigslist for apartments aaaall the time even though I know by heart the names and locations of the apartment buildings I have in mind. I read the reviews on Yelp, Apartment Ratings, etc. I follow all the Downtown LA news blogs...I can't wait. I'm also very ready for a new adventure as far as work. I feel like I'm just a machine. I'm not contributing any ideas, I only have one singular responsibility, I don't have a work email address; I hardly exist. I'm ready for something new.

Aaaand, that's it.

Blogger Bomb

2010-05-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

Didn't have a good weekend at all. Max's family was down in Socal for a day trip to Disneyland so Friday night I call my dad (while he was at a dinner party with mom) and ask to book a ticket to Irvine. He gives me the info. Then I ask if I could leave at 8pm because the Saturday flights didn't arrive in Irvine early enough. Dad's all irritated because I'm asking too many questions so he passes the phone to mom. Of course mom is going to say no to my trip. Well, not even. She says, "let me think about it" and I'm FLUSTERED because I was trying to leave for the airport asap! She completely ignored me.

Saturday, I decided I needed time away from the house. Away from my room, away from my computer, away from my work. I spent the day mostly window shopping. I spent more time wandering slowly, killing time than spending money. Mom asks me to bring the car home, I ask why, she says "because I want to wash the car". WTF, did you check the weather? It was supposed to rain hard the next day. She says, "Why do you need to be out shopping for 10 hours?" I say, "To distract myself from not getting to go to Disneyland". Mom freaks the fuck out. Calling me a slut, telling me staying at my boyfriend's place is inappropriate and "what is society going to think?" and blah blah blah. God dammit, I just wanted to fucking go to Disneyland for one stinking day. My mom can run her mouth about something silly like me forgetting to wash the dishes for hours, so while she was yelling from the other room, I snuck outside to the backyard to eat lunch. :P

I'm so sick of all this "slut" nonsense. My dad fucking asked Max to mow the lawn to which he obliged. Would any guy do that for a girl's parents if he only wanted to get into her pants? And this "society" bullshit, OK, we go to a Thai temple sometimes where you expect people to be nice and civil but no, it's so goddamn boring there that people need to gossip about each other to make friends. And "society" is made up of all the rich women comparing their wealth, diamonds, and Louis Vuitton purses. They don't give a fuck who I'm dating and they wouldn't know that I would be sleeping at my boyfriend's place unless my own mother tells them about it.

Sunday was really unfortunate because my sister was extremely stressed from school and I was just feeling buttloads of angry so nobody wished mom "Happy Mother's Day". She barges into my room like, "helloooo, Haaaappyy Mothers Daayyy...." and I repeated it like so: "...happymothersday". She leaves and mutters under her breath "damn ungrateful kids". Just a couple weeks ago I got super pissed because my sister was being an outrageous bitch towards me when just the day before Max and I spent hours traveling all around town to buy tons of shit for her birthday party. When my mom told me to explain why I was all pissy, I said "She's obnoxious and ungrateful and I do all this stuff for her and then she still treats me like shit" and mom says "well, she's young. she doesn't know. you can't do things for people and expect things in return" WTF? So I should do things for people that wouldn't even have the common courtesy to even whisper a tiny little "thank you"??? Anyways, my mom was being the uber contradiction on Mothers Day, all butthurt about me not verbally telling her that when just the day before she called me a slut. "Aww thanks mom, thanks for never hearing me out, treating me like an employee and calling me a slut!

Monday my mom drove speed limit all the way to work so she interrogated me. Of course, no matter what I say on my part or how I say it, she brings up society this, respect your body, communicate blah blah blah. I try to stay far away from lowblows, but I'm honestly trying to train my mom, so I let it out that my sister isn't as youthful and angelic as my mother thinks. I have been getting the heat "you're the older sister, you need to be the example" but in reality, my sister is still lazy and spoiled and she's been with more guys than I have. I'm so sure that my mom holds on to the image of Max when he was 15 and treats him like shit.

There are a lot of things I've got to train my mom on:
1.) Cursing. I'm pretty strange in the sense that I don't react to people's reactions. Not in an autistic way, but in a "oh shut the fuck up already" way. So when I do intend to react, my emotions don't come off right. So I guess cursing helps put a little conviction in my voice.
2.) Talk more about moving in with Max
3.) Bringing up things I know she disapproves of so I can argue with her and change her mind. My mom is so conservative it's stupid. Gay marriage, weed, premarital sex and living arrangements,
4.) Constantly reminding her about how my sister is treated (like a princess) in comparison to me.

Then, there are things I have to deal with until I leave:
1.) Greeting my parents, asking them about their day (I really don't care)
2.) Letting them know ahead of time what my plans are
3.) Letting the planet Earth die a little bit because I probably won't get to spend the night in Roseville ever again. If I get pulled over by the green police due to my high carbon footprint, blame it on my crazy asian mother.

***
My relationship with my parents is so strained. I've been raised like a boy from my dad. I never was the princess. I had to do work. I had to help out. I had to do everything for my sister. I had to do everything for myself. And now I'm feeling like I've been raised to be so independent that I don't even know how to love them. I don't even know how to try. Now I can see that the reason me and my mom fight so much is because I'm spending more time with my boyfriend and not with my family. My mom's grasp on me is weak, and I don't need her for anything. I'm pretty sure a lot of a mom's sadness comes from their kid not needing or wanting their help anymore and I've been that kind of kid for a loooong time.

Also, I was definitely more fond of my family when I was away. So moving away will be a good thing. I don't need or want to see them every day or have to talk to them everyday.

Personal

2010-04-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

Max is gone for 9 weeks. I'm sad :(

He checked in to his training thing Tuesday afternoon and I didn't get a call from him. I was flipping out. Did he really leave without saying goodbye? I had NO IDEA when or if I'd get to hear from him. I started to feel anxious, nervous, sad, short of breath. I thought I needed a cigarette or a cry. It was really hard NOT to go to the store to pick up cigarettes. I thought about why I felt the need to smoke and it was because I thought it would help me to inhale and exhale. Pathetic.

Luckily, he called at about 9pm and we talked for 10 minutes. He asked me to call his mom to let her know he was okay so once he left I called her. We chatted for a couple minutes and I think she could hear me bummed out and stuff so she said "If you miss him too much you can call me, okay?"

I cried a little bit once I got off the phone.

You see, my parents have been in Hawaii the entire week. They called me once on Monday for about 5 minutes and they don't really care about how I feel. I miss Max. I've been home by myself the whole time. The only time I verbally speak is at work. I wish I had a dog or something :P

Work has been consuming me. I don't really care to do anything else especially if it involves spending money. I just got asked to assist with styling at work tomorrow which should be good.

I've truly been surrounded by suck. Gossip Girl, Modern Family, and Grey's Anatomy have all been repeats. The only good movie that has been on tv was Remember The Titans. My tape/mp3 player thing for the car hasn't been working so my lonely drives to work have been plagued by mainstream radio crap.

Ahhh suck suck suck. I've been enjoying work though. Working harder, interacting more, pitching in to help...I'm kinda like my boss now, who is a raging workaholic going through a divorce, haha.

I'm passing the time at home by rewatching Generation Kill and "working out" which sadly only consists of pushups and crunches. Surprisingly, after 4 months of general physical inactivity, I've been able to do (consecutive) 40 pushups and 200 crunches. Since I've been out of school, I don't even walk anymore. I used to take breaks inbetween classes to walk and explore the city. No I just walk to and from the car to my office.

I guess what really bugged me was not getting to say goodbye to Max earlier on Tuesday. I didn't have that comfort. I felt so much better after he called and even though I only MAYBE be hearing from him during the weekend, his call gives me something to look forward to.

...Aaaand I just cut my nails so I can pick up my guitar again. Three days down, 70 to go.

FUCK!

2010-03-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

fucking shit. fuck! i wanted to do this!!! =(

Random Picture Roll

2010-03-14T01:24:00.000-08:00

Lanterns I purchased from TJMaxx. It was totally an impulse buy, but Killer enthusiastically agreed that they were "AMAZING" and perfect for OUR apartment. We bought all 4 to ensure that nobody else would have them. =P

I love my job. And I love the iMac. It's perfecto when it comes to Photoshop.

My bomb-ass sammich from Specialty's. It's an edited order of the Roast Turkey Sandwich with Ciabatta bread, minus vinagrette, minus mayonaisse, plus whole cranberry sauce, plus stone ground mustard. YUMMMM.

Trying to work with my mom's PC at work was a nightmare. I spend hours trying to download a trial of Photoshop and it didn't work.

An old picture of Killer and I. He choked me when I stole that green watch on his wrist, then ran to a shed crying and talked to a turtle.

The jacket of a 2-piece Kenneth Cole suit Killer picked up from Nordstrom Rack. Marked down to $300 from $600. Slim fit, navy blue with black pinstripes, 2 button, lots of pockets.

At that dinky faire across from Oracle Arena. =)

At HQ for the little launch party the day our website went live. This is everyone that works at the photo studio, including others, and a guy on webchat...working from Argentina or something?

Yea, they have massage chairs at HQ. Imagine doing photoshop from a massage chair. That'd be fantastic.

Aaand, I miss Killer. A whole lot. I only want one friend, I only need one person in my life, my safety net has been downsized to one person ...but he's at drill =( This is just a weekend thing too! Gahd, then on April 22nd he'll be gone with no means of communication for 9 weeks. and then a few weeks later he'll be gone for another 2 weeks.

dfjhsdlkfhlakdhfkajdsfnfsdfdbfjkdkfjbsf <5! =(

COLD TURKEY!

2010-03-12T23:38:00.000-08:00

Killer is at drill this weekend. Usually he comes home every night and we get to talk/text throughout the day but this particular weekend he's sleeping at Pendleton so he left his phone in the car. It's really hard not having him to talk to all day. skdjfskdsd

So, Dear Killer, I purchased $150 worth in gift certificates for Restaurant.com for a grand total of $12 so we can do more of the dining as seen above. Maybe I should buy more gift certificates =P

On Friday, March 5th I picked up Killer from the airport and we headed to Burlingame for dinner at Sappore Italiano Restaurant. The food was served relatively quickly. Starting with the breadbasket which was served with a delicious olive oil/tomato bruschetta. I had spinach and cheese ravioli which was also very fresh and yummy but not as yummy as Killer's rigatoni with this unexplainable AMAZZIIIING sauce.

We were seated between two other couples, an old couple that seemed to be enjoying each others' company but didn't bother to hide their glares when I pulled out my debit card to pay for dinner, and this other couple that made us wonder why they weren't divorced.

Oh, before dinner we picked up a bottle of Wilson Creek Almond Champagne that we sipped at home.

Lovely day. Late post.

Friday Cryday

2010-03-12T16:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Killer,

You're away at drill for the whole goddamn weekend, cell phone phone excluded, and I've only got two things to say to you.

TAKE CARE OF ME! BUY ME SOUP!!!

The orthodontist placed a chain, wire, and another chain over my teeth. My face hurts!!!
ajsdfhljfkljsdfkaj

Love, Chou-fleur

Weekend

2010-02-28T23:43:00.000-08:00

I had a fantastic weekend. I'm also veryyy tired but I needed to post before the effects of this weekend wear off and this post gets lost in the land of lazy.

On Friday I picked up Killer bright and early from the airport; this time with no confusion as to the difference between the Arrival and Departure levels or the upstairs and downstairs. At 8:30am, Killer took the wheel from SFO Int'l and we drove to Roseville. The drive was pleasant; not too many cars on the road except for that damned construction going on where the 92 meets 880 in Hayward. We spent the day lounging around and sleeping in while it was pouring rain outside. I didn't get much sleep the night before because I technically work a full Monday-Friday but with two "work at home days" during the week. When I plan to hang out with Killer, which doesn't happen often, I just scramble to do all my work through the night so I can hang out with him during the day while staying somewhat near my computer to consistently upload work during work hours. We had a nice home-cooked dinner with his parents. I am not a big fan of red meat but Killer's stepfather works some sorta magic when it comes to meat. I enjoyed lamb for Christmas and ribs for that night's dinner. Around 8:30pm we left Roseville and had a nice and easy drive back to Union City. **Both drives were nice and pleasant because I didn't do ANY driving. Thanks Killer =)

Saturday we kind of...lazied around until it was time to head out. First, we had a disgusting lunch at Burger King although we were both craving it at the time...then felt yucky afterwards. Second, drove to Kmart so that I could pick up some black flats, then headed to the Berkeley Thai Temple to get dressed up in Thai costume for the Chinese New Year parade in SF =( I had to wear this 3/4 sleeve button-down shirt which was so tight around the chest area (Asian-Americans grow bigger boobies when raised in America and Thai costumes for females definitely do not accommodate any sort of body type apart from that of a nine year old boy) and this bolt of fabric wrapped in a half pant/half skirt thing. My costume could have been worse, and I HAVE been through worse, so they made up for that by giving me a "Bump-It" hairstyle and told me to make my makeup darker. As a fashion design student, omg, alumni I mean, wearing something I dislike is like stripping me of my dignity. I felt really ugly and uncomfortable. I also felt bad because they dressed up Killer. Our parade entourage was small and pretty bland. I was freezing by the end of the night and changed right on the sidewalk of Columbus Street. Also, I was having problems with my "time of month" and making a mess of myself but thank goodness Killer is not easily disgusted by naturally womanly things and took care of me well =) Post-parade Killer and I had a FANTASTIC dinner at Cafe Rouge on 4th Street in Berkeley. I can't wait to share more nice dinners with him. Having good food with good company gives me a sort of sustained happiness high that lingers for dayssss. NO MORE CHAIN RESTAURANTS! Except for the occasional BK French Fries or In-N-Out.

Sunday, watched Firefly and Vice Magazine TV before taking Killer to the airport. Which sucked.

=( Miss you already.

Overall, had a really really great weekend. =) But I still miss my person.

2010-02-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Killer, we MUST find this meal. I love the tater tots in a pot and milkshake in a beaker. So cool!

This morning on the drive to work, my mom is trying to get into the carpool lane and mutters under her breath "Stupid lady in the carpool lane, I hope you get arrested." Eventually, that lady speeds up a little, giving room for mom to merge into the carpool lane, and there I tell her "Mom, she's got an infant in the backseat". Whomp Whomp. Crazy Asian Mother.

We're finally getting our own tables and SPACE at the office. My supervisor is looking at desks at Ikea. No more folding tables! I hope that eventually they get me and my fellow photo editor get iMacs because Photoshopping on my little MacBook screen is very annoying.

MAX IS COMING TOMORROW! yay!

Very very rarely I find a song I like on the radio. Right now it's Unthinkable (I'm Ready) - Alicia Keys ft. Drake. Alicia Keys is pretty much the only female on the mainstream radio that can sing and play an instrument aka an actual ARTIST, not a performer. I can't even nominate Keri Hilson who sounds like shit live.

K, time to head to work!

Righteous!

2010-02-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

This is the red Jesus scarf my mom got me from the Olympics. I desperately wanted something with "Canada" branded on it but everything was sold out. ** (more complaining at the bottom)

This is going to be a good post.

Today my company's website launched. A lot of the products are from the Holiday but we are constantly adding new garments. Expect Spring 2010 stuff soon!

Couturious
The website uses 3D, photorealistic models and you can basically dress them any way you want. Layering, zipping/unzipping, buttoning/unbuttoning, tucking, EVERYTHING. Right now the collection of garments on the website is still small, but MORE MORE MORE is going up soon. From there you can decide whether or not you'd like to purchase those items used on the website.

In the afternoon we went to Headquarters for a little group speech and champagne toast. It was an exciting little field trip.

I also bought Killer's plane ticket. OMG, SO EXCITED. =) I didn't want my dad to put him on Standby and be completely unsure whether or not Killer would make it here for the weekend, plus my dad is flying two of our neighbors on his Companion list already, plus Killer would probably have to wear his uniform just for a higher advantage on catching a plane (which is pretty much abuse of his uniform, I think). Soooo, I just purchased a ticket from Virgin and now I can be giddy.

I went grocery shopping after work with my mom and here's the dialogue.

Me: "Sooo, Max is coming this weekend because I was complaining to him that I had to do the Chinese New Year parade and then I'd have to ride BART home by myself late at night because everyone else is going out clubbing after and I'm the only underage one and he didn't want me to ride BART by myself so that's why he's coming because he wants to make sure I get home safely."

Mom: "Riiight."

Today Killer went to LA for his LAPD Orientation/Training/Exercise/Whatever/Thing and it went very very well from what he told me. He also got a call back for a job with a great pay at an office and he had to turn it down because he's going to be gone for two months of Marine stuff. It's still nice to hear back from jobs, even if he can't follow through. =P

So yea, today was just a great day. And I'm really glad that it was great for both of us because I most definitely would not be this happy if my other half had a sucky day.

<5!

Monday Funday

2010-02-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

Last night I retired to my bed by 9ish? pm and chatted on the phone with Killer until 11pm. Miraculously I fell asleep once again before midnight! I think last week I was keeping Killer up late...as in 3-4am as I worked away on the computer and this week I've started sleeping the same time as Killer which is usually before midnight and his way is mucho better. This morning I was well rested at 7am (NEVER EVER EVER HAPPENS) and woke up without pressing snooze. I was all set and dressed and made up and ready for work and then my mom tells me "I asked my boss if I could start later so that our carpool schedule works out better." Usually I would have responded with a grumpy "djshfksdgfhjdf I coulda slept in for an additional half an hour!!!" but this morning I didn't need it!

On Sunday (yesterday ) I went to the crepe cafe and...

1.) THEY CHANGED THE SHADE OF PURPLE I PICKED
2.) THEY ADDED A FLAT BRONZE COLOR (NO SPARKLE) SO IT LOOKS LIKE DIARRHEA.

I spent an entire Saturday a few weeks ago going with the co-owners to Ace, Lowe's, and Home Depot pouring and discussing and arguing over different paint colors and they ended up changing it last minute. Whatever, I've got to make it work now. The owner is funny, she keeps calling the owner of Bicycle Garage to do manly things for us that us women wouldn't care to do...like installing lights, moving heavy things....I think he's getting annoyed but he did come to my house once for drinks with my dad so it evens out I guess. The new co-owner is waaay superstitious and it's beginning to annoy me. No red. No blue. Feng Shui, no black, on and on....and then I saw her open an umbrella in the restaurant. Stupid.

Next weekend I have to freaking march in the freaking Chinese New Year Parade in SF and...

1.) I HATE PARADES. I had to do the Union City 50th Anniversary one and I hated that shit.
2.) It's going to be freaking cold. Very much unlike Union City's parade which was freaking hot.
3.) I'm not Chinese
4.) I don't want to dress up.
5.) I don't like smiling and waving at people.

I already requested that I not wear a dress or anything itchy; I almost begged to be a "villager" because they get to wear cotton, nothing sparkly or tight or loaded with jewelry. I was taken by surprise when the coordinator told me Killer could come (as a bonus) when I didn't respond to her first text. It made me sad because it's not easy to just INVITE Killer anywhere since he lives in Irvine. I complained to Killer about this and everything else and he decided to come up NOT because I was a complaining baby, but because I told him I'd have to take BART back by myself at night since everyone will be going to some place for drinks and an afterparty and I'm the only underage baby.

I thought I cut my finger on glass from a picture frame this morning but I ignored it. Now that I've looked at it and saw the blood from the cut that actually did happen...my finger hurts.

Time to work. <5!

United against the elimination of Logan extracurriculars.

2010-02-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

There's this group gaining popularity on Facebook titled "United Against The Elimination of Logan Extracurriculars"

It's dumb.

About 830+ people have joined the group and have already held a protest in from of the New Haven Unified School District. The group THINKS that the school district is cutting sports, band, colorguard, and whatever other extracurricular there is from Logan. NO, THEY'RE NOT DOING THAT.

What the school district is doing is cutting up-front funding to pay for stuff like uniforms, trips, busing, and fees for facility rentals for practice and competitions. There are dumb idiots that have already long gone graduated and haven't paid for trips they've been on. To this day there are band and guard kids that have not paid in full for their trip to the Olympics in Beijing. Parents are idiotic for thinking they could just send their kid on an expensive trip that they may not be able to afford and then not pay for it. Who the hell gets to go on vacation and not pay for it on time or in full? Kids are dumb for not reminding their parents when to pay and the programs are dumb for LETTING these kids go on trips with bills to pay and the District is dumb for not passing a policy that does not allow to graduate from high school if they owe money and then it's even more dumb that these kids just stand outside the building to protest instead of actually attending the Board Meeting to let them know what they like and dislike. Nobody every reads the fine print of the policies that are passed but then they are quick to hate what they can without bothering to attend an actual meeting.

i hate this city.

blah blah blah

2010-02-18T04:01:00.000-08:00

It's 4:01am and I'm up doing work. On Wednesday I was told by my supervisor that I could work from home. Instead, I stayed up aaaall night long doing work so that I could spend the day in Irvine with Killer. The garments and purses I had to photoshop were excruciating to work on; I didn't get far in quantity. Killer's internet wasn't working at his apartment so I'm just going to set a dumpload of images into my dropbox in the morning. I'm worried that I won't meet the expectations of my supervisor which is why I'm up aaaall nght right now to work on some more.

I love working. I'm serious about my work, I'm not lazy but I do admit to procrastination, I've got goals and expectations, I'm proud of what I turn in, I've got that good sort of pressure to impress the people I work with, AND I get paid. I never felt this way about school and homework.

Anyways, I left my house at 5am yesterday to get to the airport. My flight departed at 7:30am and I arrived in Santa Ana at 8:30. I got to spend about 10+ hours with Killer. Majority of the time we just laid around and then made a quick trip to Fry's Electronics and then McDonald's for dinner. It's pathetic that something as lame as going to McDonald's for dinner gets a mention in this post but that just goes to show how deprived I am of boyfriendgirlfriend time.

"I remember waking up, and you were holding my hand. It made me really happy. Also, I think you woke up once just to turn around and kiss me, then went zzzzzzzzz"

Yesterday is probably the only time I'll get to see him for the month of February :/

I'm still pretty shocked that my parents let me go to Irvine for the day. They won't let me stay overnight but this is a start. They're also going to the Olympics later today (Thursday morning) so they probably didn't think my trip was a big deal. I'll make sure to tell them I appreciated it.

Grumble

2010-02-16T08:46:00.001-08:00

Not that I'm generalizing, but generalizing (hehe, Golfy), my sister can spend all day on Youtube listening to Filipino boys and girls singing. ALL DAY LONG. Not that she goes looking for Filipinos, but I can generalize that all her favorited videos are of Filipinos. Gabe Bondoc, Passion, RinontheRox, and a whole list of other Filipinos. They out-belt each other in bathrooms for acoustics, creating covers with the ukelele OMGHATE, forcing riffs in every other line of the song, taping endless bedroom recordings with unnecessary gibberish camera-talk, for example, discussing for 10 minutes how boring their day was, and holding improv sessions on the street. It's really annoying.

Anyways, the reason why I'm so annoyed is because last night she was blasting this group of Filipino kids doing a cover of Halo by Beyonce. Blasting. WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WATCH SNOWBOARDCROSS. Like really? I'm trying to catch this piece of history and your beloved Filipino Youtube stars are killin' it for me. Halo is not even a good song.

I hastily snatched my WeSC headphones and dropped them on her lap. "Please shut up those damn Filipino singers." She gladly obliged.

This morning I realized my mouse may have been entangled in the mess of cords from my headphones because it wasn't in my backpack. I also managed to wake up at 7:20am and left the house at 7:45 am. Momma is letting me borrow a mouse from her work with that wretched ball cursor but anything is better than photoshop with a trackpad. When you spend 8 hours a day photoshopping, not having a mouse is tragic and sucky. So sucky.

Don't tell me I'm racist. I hate karaoke with a passion and I'm speaking the truth when I say that all the Youtube stars my sister listens to are all Filipino. I also like adobo and lumpia and 95% of my friends are Filipino and NOT Youtube stars and that's why I like them.

2010-02-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

Yes, this couple had an glamorous, sexy, quirky wedding but my goodness their invitations are BLOODY BRILLZ.

2010-02-14T19:22:00.000-08:00

Zodiac

2010-02-14T03:08:00.000-08:00

Dragon and Snake for Killer and I.

Dragon: A powerful sign, those born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the Dragon are energetic and warm-hearted, charismatic, lucky at love and egotistic. They’re natural born leaders, good at giving orders and doing what’s necessary to remain on top.

Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion. Unfortunately, this passion and enthusiasm can leave Dragons feeling exhausted and interestingly, unfulfilled.

While Dragons frequently help others, rarely will they ask for help. Others are attracted to Dragons, especially their colorful personalities, but deep down, Dragons prefer to be alone. Perhaps that is because they’re most successful when working alone. Their preference to be alone can come across as arrogance or conceitedness, but these qualities aren’t applicable. Dragons have tempers that can flare fast!

Health
Considering their hard-working nature, Dragons are healthy overall. They do get stressed and suffer from periodic tension/headaches, likely because they take so many risks. Dragons could benefit from incorporating mild activity into their lives. Yoga or walking would be good as these activities can work both their minds and their bodies.

Career
Dragons prefer leading to being led. Jobs that allow them to express their creativity are good choices. Some good careers include: inventor, manager, computer analyst, lawyer, engineer, architect, broker, and sales person.

Relationships
Dragons will give into love, but won’t give up their independence. Because they have quick, sometimes vengeful tempers, their partners need to be tough-skinned. Dragons enjoy others who are intriguing, and when they find the right partners, they’ll usually commit to that person for life.

Dragons and the 5 Elements
Earth Dragons – Years 1928 and 1988: More rooted in the ground, Earth Dragons make better decisions because they act more rationally. Earth Dragons are level-headed and able to control their behaviors. They’re more supportive of others, but they prefer being admired by others.

Snake: Those born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the Snake are seductive, gregarious, introverted, generous, charming, good with money, analytical, insecure, jealous, slightly dangerous, smart, they rely on gut feelings, are hard-working and intelligent.

The Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.

Snakes are very materialistic creatures, preferring to surround themselves with the finest that life has to offer. This is especially evident in the home, where luxurious furnishings and surroundings help Snakes seek the peace they need in order to thrive.

Health
Snakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life!

Careers
Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.

Relationships
Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!

Earth Snakes – Years 1929 and 1989

Earth Snakes always seem to be calm and content. They’re friendly and approachable and believe that they’ll reap great rewards by working hard and relying on common sense.

Moguls

2010-02-13T23:25:00.001-08:00

Killer was doing my second job for me =) and he emailed me these two pictures of shoes. He's cute.
I spent today dreaming about clothes and shoes...

and...dreaming about the things I'd like in my shared apartment with Killer.

Bullseye

2010-02-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to go to Irvine but there is something unknown and ridiculous going on in Los Angeles. United has been flying 757s (the jumbo jets) aaaaall day long. Usually there's 3-5 big planes and loads of little express planes but nope. 757s all day and oversold status all day. So ridiculous that flights to LAX are being diverted to Orange County and passengers are being bussed back up to Los Angeles.

I'm bummed. I've been spending the day daydreaming and watching the Olympics.

On the other hand, the company decided to keep me. My pay rate increased $2 and I can't or shouldn't really talk about it until the website launches and that should be happening on Monday.

bloodstream

2010-02-13T01:24:00.000-08:00

Wake up
Look me in the eyes again
I need to feel your hand upon my face

Words can relay nice
They can cut you open
And then the silence surrounds you and haunts you

I think I might've inhaled you
I could feel you behind my eyes
You've gotten into my bloodstream
I could feel you floating in me

The spaces in between
Two minds and all the places they have been
The spaces in between
I tried to put my finger on it

***
I thought life was getting good, but no, none of it matters if you're there and I'm here.

It's like electricity. And ice. It hurts.

Friday Mugshot

2010-02-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

Alexander McQueen passed away yesterday so it is only fair that I sport the only McQueen piece I could afford...which was free. [silk scull scarf]

I didn't "meet" McQueen but I interned with Viv and Sylvia for a lady that did pr for him. We were fortunate to work at the opening of his store on Melrose. So, we were all kind of gawking at him, working indirectly for him, etc. He was/IS one of my favoritest designers and I'm going to miss his innovative, badass, theatrical shows and garments.

Today concludes my "Test Week" with the company. I hope it's all good news from here.

Me and my momma have started carpooling because we both work 45 minutes away from home and I work approximately 5 minutes further away from her. It saves money on gas, especially because my clunking land whale of a bucket van is a gasoholic. My mom starts work at 8:30am so I kinda just mess around for an hour doing all sorts of nonsense. I should have started Photoshop but working on it from 10am-6pm already makes my eyes bug out. Don't need an extra hour of it.

Hopefully I make it to Irvine tomorrow as planned. Parents think there might be some sort of convention going on because every flight is oversold. I'm banking on the fact that it's Valentine's weekend and lots of couples won't be willing to split up for that last seat on the aeroplane. Please dear airplane gods, let me on a plane. I don't need to come back...well, at least by Monday if I have a job waiting for me...

knockturnahl

2010-02-09T04:07:00.000-08:00

It's about 4am and I've been laying in bed for an hour.

Last night I slept for an hour and 45 minutes because I was slaving over my work.

I'm currently undergoing a "Test Week" for a company that shall remain unnamed until or if my place there becomes official, but I must say I Lalalove this unofficial job I've got. It makes this whole transition/wait period before I move to LA far more pleasant. I'm not just existing and slaving away to make money just to prepare for my move; I'm learning, enjoying my work, proud of my products, and making good money.

I worked from 10-6, came home (preparing for that LA commuter traffic now that I'm going to be a usual to Bay Area rush hour), scarfed down dinner, prepared to work on my other job (which IS official), but gave up and slept from about 8pm-3am.

The sound of rain is relaxing and comforting but I am faaaar from sleepy now.

Killer has gotten the call to go to Infantry Training Batallion (ITB) in April and he'll be doing his thing at Pendleton for TWO whole months. Sure, it's way better than him getting deployed but you get your cake and complain about it too. We might get to talk on the phone for a bit on weekends but that's it. We're planning to spend a week together (hah, around "Spring Break" which doesn't exist for us now that we're both outta school), before he goes and a couple weekends inbetween the next couple months. He should get back before my graduation in June which is lovely :) and overall June should still be feeling wonderful as it marks the beginning of summer...

But! Then in July he goes to another training thing called AT (dunno what it means) which will probably in Utah and last for 2 weeks. It should suck about the same. You'd think that it should be easier since it's a quarter of the time spent at ITB but then it's evened out by being held in a different state.

Because Killer finally got the call to go to ITB, he will become deployable upon completion (that's why he didn't deploy last October) which sucks. The chances of him getting deployed are sorta slim so I'm hoping for no extra craziness overseas or anything awful that the Army can't handle and lead to Obama calling upon le Marine Corps. ;)

2 months and 2 weeks. It won't be bad. Because at the end of the summer we'll finally be in LA.

This is going to be a good year.

Five

2010-02-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

aaaalll mine =)

Dear Johnny Appleseed

2010-02-06T02:19:00.000-08:00

Every woman on Earth probably spent tonight crying their hearts out during opening night of Dear John.

Nicholas Spark's is a genius. He crafts his stories out of all the sappy dreams and ideas of romance that stupid women, well, dream of. His movies are dumb, but he is rich. Him and the Twilight lady should hook up. I watched A Walk To Remember which was okay, then a little bit of The Notebook which was "okaaaay....???" and then I heard about Dear John and I was like "Okay, wtf."

I'm not watching the movie but here's my Dear John synopsis.

John is a super tough Army dude. Everyone's scared of him because they thing he's grumpy, has epic temper tantrums, and will basically bust a cap in yo ass with a gun that he's not allowed to have when he's not at drill or whatever. PS, he probably wears his dogtags all the time because that's what Army dudes do.

Savannah is the perfect Christian girl with morals, school smarts, and she's conveniently hot AND virginal! One day her purse gets dropped into 4 ft of ocean water and the super tough Army dude saves her purse and they fall in love.

Savannah forgives John for being a grumpy, scary Army dude because she's a good, forgiving Christian. It's like Beauty and the Beast and they fall in love. She's not scared of him either because nobody would dare take advantage of a sweet, virginal, Christian girl.

John decides to reenlist in the Army after September 11th. Savannah agrees to write him a letter for the 12 months that he's gone. It's bad luck enough that his name is John because a "Dear John" letter, with origins from WWII (so00 vintage! Go Savannah!) is one in which a girl usually sends to her man to dump him while he's overseas.

The dude that Savannah picked over John is Tim. Tim is sick and probably a really nice Christian so he tells John "I only want her to be happy so marry her if I die. And please don't bone her until AFTER you're officially married. Because that'll be bad." John, pretending to be the bigger man says "Naw, fuck that. I was out there defending our country and she dumped me. But it'll sound a whole lot more romantic if I say, 'No Tim, you're a great guy, you'll get better and marry her.'" And Tim says "Wow, you're nice" and him and Savannah get married.

Cheating is bad but John catches Savannah staring at the moon (their inside joke) so he is reassured that she still wants him. The end.

Really awful synopsis for a really awful movie. I should do one of these for Legion!

2010-02-05T22:16:00.000-08:00

"I love you to death, mon petit chou-fleur

for cereal

no backsies"

I love you back

Shoe Lust

2010-02-03T22:02:00.000-08:00

$25.99
$20.00

For 2+ years I've been lusting over these Sam Edelman Zoe boots inspired by the Balenciagas that only the Olsen twins have (as it seems). I found this website that's got them for $199 instead of $345. Omg, I caaaan't!!!

My boyfriend should be proud of me cuttin' down on the clothing just so I can save money to move in with him -__-

Cloud Cult

2010-02-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

Continuing on from the last post about the temple girl...the more I read about her, the more I liked her.

I was shocked to see that she liked Cloud Cult, a band I pretty much had forgotten about since the Mac Crash of 2009. I downloaded their songs after a recommendation from Jessie of Metromix LA and loved them since then...til now since I completely forgot about them once my Itunes lost all my music. They are strange, in a cool way, I think. They've got an added cellist, violinist, and a guy that plays guitar and switches to trombone sometimes. They are a "green" band. They ask concert-goers to bring iPods to their concerts so they can download music straight away. They still sell cd's which are made of post-consumer products, their tour buses have solar panels and a bunch of other green things.

Their music is very hard to categorize, and it's weird finding a song to introduce to you, so I'm going to settle with this.

It's an instrumental set to a woman sharing a near-death experience. This is just one song, and it's strange, but fyi Cloud Cult's got happy songs too, haha. There's another song set to some dialogue from The Princess Bride!

Hmm...

2010-02-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Every day I find myself slacking off a little more with my online job. It really is dull and through the internet I find so many wonderful things that distract me! From wedding ideas, plane tickets, new shoes, hotels, diy projects, ffffound...I even catch myself looking for new work during the time that I'm supposed to be working!

I came across the blog of this girl I used to see around the temple. She's one of the older generation kids, having graduated from UCLA in '06 which is way outta my age league. She couldn't find a job so she went backpacking with friends through New Zealand and a bunch of other countries all around the world.

She bungee jumped at this spot in NZ which is the 2nd or 3rd highest bungee place in the world. I admire how quick she was to jump! No hesitation.

arsapree.com

Her blog is easy to read, she's adventurous, athletic, funny...and there's a blog entry about her and her friends climbing onto the roof "Jason Bourne style" to dry clothing that was hand-washed in their bathtub.

She also kept up with a regular "FOOD PORN" post =P

To Killer, she got to swim with a pod of wild dolphins. I'm jealous too.

I'm Lost In My Dreams.

2010-02-01T22:41:00.000-08:00

I hate it here. Los Angeles was my city. I had so much opportunity then and I've got nothing now.

It belongs to me and you too

2010-02-01T03:37:00.000-08:00

Scattered across the centre of San Francisco are almost seventy semi-secret spaces, privately owned but open to the public. Subject to the fine print of a little-known pact between City and Commerce, these so-called POPOS (Privately Owned Public Open Spaces) allow alluring vistas of San Francisco and access to its intimate interiors. However, they are often poorly indicated – perhaps a deliberate tactic by the private companies who own the spaces to prevent the pesky public from using them. Accessing POPOS sometimes even requires walking past security guards, or through unmarked doors. No wonder many are underfrequented.

A concerted effort of concerned citizens – and this map produced by them – is aimed at raising awareness of the existence of these fascinating spaces, 68 in all, both north and south of Market Street, many in existence for decades. This map is part of a guide produced by SPUR (San Francisco Planning & Urban Research Association); the 45 round indicators are POPOS set up between 1959 and 1985, the squares mark the 23 inaugurated after the 1985 Downtown Plan, which stipulated the zoning regulations requiring commercial urban development to be counterbalanced by POPOS.

POPOS come in many guises. They can be either indoor or outdoor – and indeed even on rooftops. They might be the size of a small park, or merely a ’snippet’. There are single-area POPOS, and ones composed of several different spaces. Some are open at all times, others accessible only during office hours. Quite a few are graced with public works or art. POPOS operated under the Downtown Plan need to provide access to restrooms and other amenities.

SPUR lists all 68 POPOS in downtown San Francisco and rates them from poor over good to fair and excellent. For a complete overview, download SPUR’s guide. Or take one of the architectural tours leading you through the network of POPOS in San Francisco’s downtown. Below is a brief legend to the map above.

1. Redwood Park: An urban park at the foot of San Francisco’s most striking skyscraper with redwoods, sculptures and a fountain.
2. 505 Sansome Street: A greenhouse in the lobby of an office building, connecting to Redwood Park.
3. Empire Park: An urban garden on the site of a demolished building.
4. Embarcadero Center West: Three separate open spaces.
5. 456 Montgomery Street: An urban garden cascading into the middle recess of a building.
6. 343 Sansome Street: Two open spaces, one a sun terrace on the 15th floor (with an obelisk), the other a lunchtime mall.
7. 650 California Street:Two “largely barren” plazas.
8. 600 California Street: A ’snippet’ without amenities or seating, but with lots of art pieces.
9. 555 California Street: A “grand, almost forbidding” plaza, with a sculpture, a garden and teak benches.
10. 345 California Street: A “shady snippet” with granite benches and some planters.
11. 200 California Street: A public sitting area in a pedestrian walkway, featuring a bronze sculpture called The Hawaiian.
12. 150 California Street: A sun terrace with tables, chairs, plants an public art – but you have to get past a security guard.
13. 50 California Street: A snippet enlivened by a small café.
14. One California Street: Snippets around the building feature trees and benches, and is partly occupied by the indoor café’s tables and chairs.
15. 101 California: An urban garden within a large plaza, dominated by three stepped pyramids.
16. 100 Pine Street: An urban garden squeezed in between a few skyscrapers, a “gem” but without direct sunlight.
17. 444 Market Street: A plaza leading to the entrance of the Market Street building.
18. One Bush Street: A “beautifully designed and maintained” urban garden surrounding “the first postwar high-rise” in San Francisco.
19. Citygroup Center: A greenhouse in a former bank building.
20. Trinity Alley: A pedestrian walkway with a narrow plaza.
21. Crocker Galleria: Two rooftop sun terraces, one on an historic bank building, the other “accessed from an obscure staircase in the northwest corner of the Galleria”.
22. One Post Street: Snippets with stand-up tables and square concrete blocks at sitting height next to food services.
23. 595 Market Street: Two triangular entryway plazas. One “could become a pleasant public sitting area”.
24. 555/575 Market Street: A “beautifully landscaped” urban garden between two highrises.
25. 525 Market Street: An urban garden with a double granite fountain.
26. 425 Market Street: An urban garden surrounded by highrises that is “shady but nonetheless a jewel”.
27. 14 Fremont Street: A wide sitting area in a pedestrian walkway, furnished with tables and chairs.
28. 333 Market Street: A small plaza with planters.
29. 45 Fremont Street: A narrow plaza with a hedge of Japanese maples and a row of metal benches.
30. 50 Beale Street: A “rather large” urban park full of trees and bushes, and including a railroad car housing a Bechtel Corp. museum.
31. 77 Beale Street: An entry plaza featuring a water wall, granite planters, Gingko trees and sitting ledges.
32. 201 Mission Street: An urban garden in the setbacks on Beale Street.
33. 123 Mission Street: An urban garden in three successive parts, with plenty of vegetation.
34. One Market Street: A plaza oriented to the sunny side of the building.
35. 135 Main Street: An enclosed front courtyard turned into an indoor park with a metal wall water feature.
36. 160 Spear Street: An entrance walkway widening into an urban garden with water feature and aluminium sculpture.
37. 180 Howard Street: A public sitting area in a walkway that is a continuation of (36).
38. 201 Spear Street: A walkway widening into an urban garden, centered on the sculpture of a photographing man.
39. 211 Main Street: A front entry plaza with sunny exposure and the potential to be a “very pleasant space”.
40. 221 Main Street: “Four benches in a sea of paving”.
41. 301 Howard Street: A small urban garden featuring a food truck in an Art Deco building, thus “destroy[ing] the charm of the little pavilion”.
42. 199 Fremont Street: An urban garden that is the result of the collaboration of a sculptor, a poet and an architect.
43. 100 First Street: A popular sun terrace with water spouting from a black granite wall.
44. 25 Jessie Street: A “small but lovely” urban garden with a water wall but without seating.
45. Golden Gate University: A bridge turned into a ’snippet’.

secrets

2010-02-01T02:31:00.000-08:00

I don't believe in much of anything but one thing I do believe in comes from this book called The Secret. I had my personal beliefs straight and didn't read the book first but basically...

"the tenet of the book is that an individual's focused positive thinking can result in life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, happiness and more"

I got that off Wikipedia. Like I mentioned before, I still think the book, once read in detail beyond the general concept, gets a little loony and cult-ish. Just the general concept is all. It's the placebo effect.

Anyways, the reason I brought this up is because I connected this focused positive thinking usually reserved for myself and relayed it to the person I love the most. (Side note, I do focus positive thoughts to my closest friends and family as well, so don't feel left out or accuse me of being selfish! Also, positive thinking and faith can only go so far. Your actions make it happen). I also compared this to my relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

My relationship dragged with my ex-boyfriend dragged on for a painful year too long. I stopped believing in him. All the dreams and goals he shared with me sounded dumb. I thought everything sounded really stupid and that he was going to make a fool of himself. Maybe I was even correct about him being a fool the entire time (being depressed with no traumatic event as the cause, wanting to be an MTV VJ, hello, no broadcasting experience and a cancelled TRL show, a solo trip to India) but love doesn't work that way. You've got to let your partner know he's being a fool when he needs to be reminded of it the most. He shouldn't be a fool all the time or else you're just a fool for dating a fool or you don't even like him that much in the first place (both, for me).

When you love someone, you believe in them. You believe in their dreams, their goals, their capabilities, their strengths, their wants. However, you're also got to be able to tell them when they're being dumb. And that's exactly how I feel about Killer. I haven't had much opportunity to tell him (if not ever) he was acting dumb because he thinks very thoroughly about everything beforehand. In fact, he usually thinks about my ideas more than I do sometimes, heh. He's worried about his current job application, but I believe in good things for him. Not good luck, but that he is very capable of getting the job just as long as he keeps working hard for what he wants. I'm actually very excited for him but I can't let my my wants and beliefs outdo his own. He has to want it first. He is so smart, so reliable, protective, attentive, strong, noble, passionate, caring, brave, honorable, wise, and full of the other ideal qualities that make an officer.

I hate bringing up my ex-boyfriend because I spent months and months crying over him and he was really dumb and I was even dumber and what I thought was true love that we shared really wasn't. The more I compare between the past and what I have with Killer now, I discover that I really didn't know how to love back then. Every day I'm noticing the ways I've grown to love Killer.

This time, the way I've grown to love Killer is because I'm up at 3:15am to write this long, ridiculous essay that goes off on so many wrong tangents and missing key points just to bring you back to the topic of how damned much I believe in him getting that damned job. Too much. He mentioned before about love; knowing what he wants and working to make it so and keep it that way. At the time, I was stupid and unsure about myself but now I can say that I love him that much, that I want him that much, and that I will continue to work to keep it that way. BUT, if he is able to know and work on loving me so long as he wants, he should be able to get the job he wants. So...basically, I get to believe in him now while he's mostly worried.

I'm really awful and essays but I could crack a really good joke to Killer right now but I cannot divulge our inside information to you outside common-folk. =P

And to remind you of this simple quote I often brushed off from the color guard God...
"Desire overcomes all fear and doubt"

<5.5!

Let Me Drive (last week's adventure)

2010-01-31T02:52:00.000-08:00

January 27 - 30

So I had such a fantastical couple of days spent with Killer, so fantastical that I forgot that the weekend just started. I've actually lost all sense of time now that I'm out of school.

I had a really messed up sleeping schedule so on Wednesday I was up and out of bed at 7am and ready to pick up Killer from San Francisco Int'l. His flight was supposed to arrive at 10-something am but was delayed. He finally landed at 12pm and of course he lost his way around the airport. Noob. I was waiting for him on the Arrival level where there is the "Waiting Lobby", "Baggage Claim", and "Parking Garage" but Killer managed to stay on the Departure level where people "Check-In", go through "Security", and head to the "Gates". Anyways, I take the escalator up one floor and find him outside standing just a few feet off of where I was waiting for him except on the lower level, like, directly below him and he's got a bouquet of peonies, my favoritest flower in the world, for me =)

He went through a lot of trouble to get them for me (they're totally NOT in season) and they were like, $12 a flower. As in $12 for each bloom! He's stupid, but I love him. Nothing was Apparently he got a lot of attention from the ladies on his flight from Santa Ana to San Francisco 'bout the flowers. I'm a lucky gal. =P We head home and spend most of the day doing wonderful nothings on the couch before heading out to a weird hot pot dinner with my mom and her friend at some Asian restaurant at Pacific Commons. I kinda introduced Killer to quail eggs, which he ended up liking, so score. =) I find that I generally like the things he's introduced to me (because he's 'right' about everything) and it's a gem when I introduce him to something that he ends up liking.

Thursday, we wake up early and catch the Early Bird screening of Legion (because we're HUGE Chaucer-from-A-Knight's-Tale fans) and luckily we got those $6.25 tickets because the movie was pretty awful. Killer was really ticked off by the way the characters handled their guns, of course. Overall it was just SUPER strange and awful but I really enjoyed Paul Bettany and his fabulous accent. Killer and I also splurged on super nachos and a bucket of soda. We cleared about 3/4ths of the nachos and like, 1/5th of the soda. My hunger clouds my judgment. Too much food. After the movie we hang out at home some more, visit my dentist, then head to City Bistro for dinner and Paddy's so I can catch up on work while Killer worked on his movie review.

Btw, the shopping website decided to keep me (YAY!) and the budget, because it's a start-up, is always fluctuating. My job will be on-call so yet again this leaves me sometimes poor and with room to still find a full-time job. Paired with my pathetic sub-clerk job with the District which, by the way, asked me to work a measly TWO days in APRIL and NOVEMBER, makes me feel like I'm freelancing. And it sucks because I'm not freelancing in an industry where my skills and experiences can get passed by word of mouth. Just two businesses that are keeping me around to work according to their budgets.

Friday, Killer accompanies me to the orthodontist, which was a bitch because the assholes took FOREVER and from that point on, my symptoms of PMS began to boil. One ortho changed my bands and then I waited for 15+ minutes for the head honcho ortho to double-check and clear me. I was pissed. Sometimes the place is quick with their business but mostly not. Once that shit was done Killer and I get gas and a nutritious brunch of hot dogs, bbq sandwiches, and a blue icy before our drive to Roseville for a grand total of $3.82. I was pissy and had to switch out of the driver's seat and he laughed. We got to relax for a couple of hours before dinner at Claim Jumpers with his parents. Then I drove home, and I was pissy again, but I didn't give up my seat because I feel awful every time Killer drives to and from Irvine.

Saturday...I think we just woke up late and had a light lunch with my family in the backyard. I remember that the weather and the sunlight was pretty glorious and my family, included Killer donned sunglasses instead of opening the damn umbrella. And INCONVENIENTLY (for me), my dad had to leave for work around the same time Killer needed to head to the airport for his flight so our goodbyes happened at my front door and not at the terminal like I had hoped. Killer snuck me $20 in my jean's pocket the day before since I payed for his $17 birth certificate in downtown Sacramento since both our debit cards didn't work (I think I already misplaced the cash) but I intended to spend that $20 to pay for parking so I could hang out with him at the airport.

Aaaand, that's that. I think to any other reader this sounds like a bunch of bull but I don't get to see my person often. So shut up.

She Keeps Her Pot With Her Tampons?!

2010-01-30T21:40:00.000-08:00

I'm bored and I really miss Killer and I'm bored of my online work so here are a couple random thoughts and complaints of today before I do a post of my epic Wednesday through Today.

1.) I HATE Walmart. I hate how it's as busy as zoo, their generic, mass produced products of super low quality, the fat, ugly, poorly dressed people that shop there, the people that drive like assholes in the parking lot.

2.) Indians are awful drivers. Yes, you can group all the Asians together and call them all bad drivers but I can single out Indians as the worst. I swear they hook each other up at DMV because somehow at every DMV all the people working the counters are Indian.

3.) My sister thinks she's a giant or something large and not capable of being able to sit in the backseat of the Civic. You're fucking 5'4''. Get over yourself.

4.) I eat strange food. I hate bacon and pork in general but one thing I really like is pâté. It's about as strange and ugly and mysterious as the ingredients of Spam or Vienna Sausage and I just really think it tastes good. Strangely enough, pâté fits under the description of "fine European cuisine".

5.) I didn't know about the side, overlap flap thingy in mens underwear. Throughout my 2 years at fashion school I always thought that it was just an asymmetrical design. Nope, it's obviously for their peepee's, but still, pajama pants have mock fly fronts.

6.) I'm a loser. I'm broke and my boyfriend left for Irvine and I'm not drinking until I turn 21. I don't care to waste my precious gas to hang out with people I don't care too much about and hanging out with the people here usually involves drinking.

because she was hungry

2010-01-26T05:24:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days have been really lame, yet wonderful!, as I've lounged around the house doing "nothing" while the rain and other wintry allergens get tossed and tumbled by the howling wind. Yes, howling.

"Nothing" means looking for work, not adding to my movie collection (because everything I want to watch MUST be done with Killer. Not out of obligation but pure want), staying up late, waking up later, a little drawing, no sewing...basically every characteristic of a lazy and unemployed person.

My sorta job through the '.com' website, the shopping referral start-up, hired me then a few days later announced that because of budget cuts they had to cut 7 out of 10 "Fashion Researchers". Initially what I thought was a chill, relaxed, outgoing office coulda been (most likely) just the thin outer layer of a badly organized and frantic...start-up. The work was really boring and long and required about 2% of brain usage. The lady that hired me was supposed to email or give me a call to see if the company would keep me (doubt it, seeing as I vacationed in Hawaii the weekend I was hired and hardly did any work) but she hasn't contacted me yet. Our paychecks are handled like invoices which means filling in your own hours and billing the company for your work so I wonder if, due to their unorganized CFO, I'll even be receiving one. I'm really interested in waiting to see if I could for once be right about something, in this case their relaxed/unorganized facade, and whether or not I'll actually get my paycheck at the end of the month I'll give the lady a call and talk to her about a more fashion related job.

Finding work here is hard. It's hard finding things I qualify for without giving up my dignity for a retail job LOL. But it's true. It's not fair for anyone to just be part of the working machine (because nowadays that's our only mean of income) if we want to do something that gives us meaning.

I feel this way about Killer. I know he feels pressured by me (weird) to do something impressive but it's because I put him on a pedestal. He's a MARINE. Marines have gone to boot camp; they come out completely changed. They are strong, intelligent, reliable, they are completely aware of their surroundings, they're not dumbos only capable of shooting bullets and it pains me that the only part-time job opportunity Killer can find (apart from his current application process for the LAPD, which I'm sure he'll ROCK) is sometimes the same as a high school kid. Killer deserves so much more. I don't like how society treats the men and women in our armed forces. They get treated as if shooting a bullet at a target and doing 20 pull-ups is all they're capable of doing and that it's mindless, mechanical work. It's so much more than that, it's about being tactical, consistent, mindful, honorable, very, very honorable, reliable...especially for Marines, cuz they're the bestest :P.

In my own field I deserve more but there's just nothing out there right now. And of course, both Killer and I are very capable but not on paper. I NEED something creative. It's sorta impossible to find a fashion job in SF so I've also been looking for clerical. I read about how women and now the bread-makers for the family as opposed to the husbands and although I've been seeing loads of job opportunities on Craigslist, I can understand that nobody wants to apply for a job they over-qualify for. Most men still hold the small number of higher positions like CPO, CFO, CEO and make more money than women so when they get laid off its hard to find another job of the same qualification level. However, from what I've seen and experienced at the school district, the department heads (mostly men) keep their jobs while the secretaries and office techs (aaall women, like me) have been hit the hardest. In my department, two of us were cut which left my coworker to support SIX department heads as opposed to two or three. Where do all the jobs go?!?!

Apart from sitting at home and wondering where my job went, I've been dreaming about all the things I want to do. It gives me a goal to work for. Moving to LA, finally getting a design-related job, moving in with Killer, going on vacations...I've also been looking at wedding stuff because I'm GOING to be planning Killer's cousin's wedding. Killer says I most likely won't but I say I mostly likely AM. I've been looking at venues and color palettes, DIY details and other budget-friendly ideas. His cousin and fiance are both about to start grad school so once I present my budget-friendly-but-not-tacky-also-non-Asian and DIY ideas the wedding should be mine :) I also found some venues that I'd like for my own future wedding that are unique and cheap so whatever venue I'm not set on having for myself I'll pass down the info to Killer's cousin. Killer said I'd give away all my good ideas which is so not true. I'd give his cousin something wonderful and unique and work with the couple to present them something that represents their relationship without sacrificing me and Killer's secret schemes. Muahahahaha. :P

Killer said about our wedding not happening 'til waaaay later "which makes us crazy, not stupid". We've got so many great and unconventional ideas paired with the beautiful ones and loads of other details already planned that I know in the future we're going to have to make some sacrifices in the future so our wedding doesn't look like a rainbow vomited on our celebration. I'm excited. Very excited because every detail is going to be something WE shared an idea about. Nothing half-assed, nothing generic. It's all "us". We're not having one of those weddings where the cake and table decorations are pink because it was what the bride wanted. I'm kinda scared to share anything now because we have such GREAT ideas. Maybe in a couple of years when we actually start planning the thing I'll document and share it all with those who are interested. So for now...top secret!

Another part of my whole unemployment thing is me having an awful sleep schedule. Regretfully, I dragged Killer into it "Pleeease! Play with me!" (Sorry). I spend aaaaall day doing a mix of boring nothings and things I enjoy from home (no $ to spend outside!) That I just let it drag on and on into the early hours.

Today I've got a meeting with two of my mom's friends to help with the design of their crêperie which will be remodeled into a Thai/French fusion restaurant. Both ladies had a general concept of what they wanted. As in very general. As in they had no concept or idea. As in "Modern", "No red or blue", "Lots of gold", "Something you've never seen in a restaurant before" and "Vintage" so I'm going to really rock this. I'm going to "tell them what they want" (hehe, Killer). I'm going to have trouble doing the modern thing because I love vintage and its history so I want to pitch two ideas:

*I'm very set on purple. They want classy. Classy is red. Or black. Lady #2 is superstitious so neither. It's purple. Purple is regal. Purple is the greatest.

**The ladies are getting a brick wallpaper? Or something? I couldn't grasp the concept and they couldn't explain it.

1.) Vintage with strange quirks
2.) Vintage and charming

Vintage with strange quirks: For this theme we have modern furniture. Walls are either brick or purple. I envisioned a wall with a scattered arrangment of gold rococo picture frames but the pictures inside are all black and white cameo silhouettes or anything for people to mooses(?), Sherlock Holmes, babies, usual customers, whatever. The lighting will be all modern/Ikea spot lighting. I was edging towards an industrial look but it kept pulling me back to Steampunk, which for its time was all about modern mechaniques (that word is underlined in red but it's prettier that way) but overall looks vintage. I've got to work on this. I don't really know how to do modern. I just want red and black so bad. So. Bad.

Vintage and charming: Majority of the cafe's customers are old white people. It's Fremont. And now, EVERYTHING I described to my mom...she agreed with! She even had ideas that I agreed with! The cafe's rival crêperie has an aaall-modern look. So why don't we go with vintage charm for our place? Antique birdcages from the ceilings, moose antlers painted in black lacquer or gold. Same with the rococo picture frames with an assortments of clocks and mirrors on the wall. a mix brass candlestick holders on the tables to golden lotus candle holders, a chiffon curtain draped from the ceiling (will have to check with fire marshall because it'd be cool to have it around the whole restaurant, for now it'll separate the couch area), mismatched chairs, Asian paper lanterns, trinkets and odds and ends everywhere. The idea here is to create a world that looks like the home of a traveler. It is old, it is lived-in. Everything is collected, everything comes from somewhere. Nothing is purchased from a mass production manufacturer. In this case, the traveler has been from Thailand to France.

SEE! I'm so torn! Because I can go on and on about option 2 but I know option 1 is what the ladies want! And my design philosophy is to enhance what you already have, not to completely change what is given. I dunno. But now it's 9:57 am and I was supposed to be there at 10am. Let's rock.

<5!

you

2010-01-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

I love you more and more each day.

Haiti

2010-01-22T18:54:00.001-08:00

On the news you pretty much only hear about the U.S.'s efforts in Haiti, sometimes Canada, France and Britain...any of the major countries.

Here's the list of ALL countries, organizations, etc lending a hand including $$$ in US dollars, services and supplies.

1.) U.S. - $100 million, ships, helicopters, transport planes, 2,000 Marines
2.) Canada - $4.8 million, matching individual Canadians' contributions up to $47 million, 2 navy ships, helicopters, transport planes, disaster response team
3.) The World Bank - $100 million
4.) United Nations - $10 million
5.) Britain - $10 million, four-person gov't assessment team, 71 rescue specialists, search dogs, heavy equipment
6.) Austrailia - $9.3 million
7.) Norway - $5.3 million
8.) Japan - $5 million
9.) Italy - $1.46 million
10.) European Commission - $4.37 million
11.) Netherlands and Italian bishops' conference - $2.46 million
12.) Denmark - $1.9 million
13.) Finland - $1.8 million
14.) South Korea - $1 million
15.) Digicel, Irish telecommunications co - $5 million to repair phone network
16.) Spain - $4.37 million, rescue teams, 100 tons of equipment
17.) Germany - $2.17 million, immediate response team
18.) India - $1 million
19.) China - $1 million, 60-member relief team, search dogs
20.) Sweden - $850,00, tents, water purification equipment, medical aid, team to rebuild U.N.'s headquarters
21.) Venezuela - doctors, firefighters, rescue workers
22.) Mexico - doctors, search-and-rescue dogs, infrastructure experts
23.) France - 400 staff from public security authority, ship with 2 surgical operating units, 50 beds for injured, earth moving equipment
24.) Iceland - 30+ rescue workers
25.) Portugal - 30+ rescue workers
26.) Taiwan - 23 rescue workers, 2 tons of aid and equipment
27.) Israel - opening field hospital, 220 rescue workers
28.) Switzerland - rescue team, 40-50 tons of aid goods

Marine by Urban Dictionary

2010-01-21T04:12:00.001-08:00

I was on Skype with Killer and I was looking up...something, I don't remember...but what I do remember was that on my Google search page there was a link for "Marine" on Urban Dictionary that popped up so of course I had to click it out of curiosity.

Here are a few of my favorite definitions.

1.) Marine: "No better friend, no worse enemy."

The Marine kindly shook a child's hand in the morning and kicked major insurgent ass at night.

2.) Marine: "...The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a bomb crater, our Mother was an M-16, and our Father was the Devil...I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green amphibious monster, made of blood and guts, who arose from the sea, feasting on anti-Americans throughout the globe...We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we over-ran his perimeter and stole the globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the Hell out of both of them. Soldier by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice,
MARINE BY GOD!!! OORAH!!!"

3.) Marine: "A Person who can salute the American flag after haveing both legs blown off for it...A Person who no longer can be called a person but rather a Leather-Neck, a TWC (Terrorist Welcoming Commitee), or Devil-Dog."
Army:"One Marine just took out 27 insurgents by himself after losing both legs and 3 fingers!"

4.) Marine: "The Men's Department of the Navy"
Marines are a department of the Navy. Yes the Men's Dept.

5.) Marine: "The best damn fighting force in the world."

Army soldier: Sarge, what are we goin' to do there's hundreds of enemy soldiers closing on our position.
Army sarge: Don't worry the Marines are on the way to help.

6.) Marine: "The first to war for one reason, they are the best."

Soldier 1: What happened here?! It looks like a RPG killed all 500 of these Iraqis.
Soldier 2: No, 3 Marines just went through 'bout 20 minutes ago.

7.) Marine: "Savages on the battlefield and in the bed"

8.) Marine: "Better than Chuck Norris"
a.) The Marine helped the child on his way to get water from the well and bring it back to the village, while he shot thirty seven terrorists in the face with an assault rifle made of sand.

b.) Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down. A Marine stared evil in the face, but before it could move, he ripped off its balls, and shoved it in fear's mouth and decapitated it using his hands.

9.) Marine: "The only people who get the job done right."
A Sailor (Navy) and a Marine walk into the toilets in a pub. They both start urinating the stalls. When finished the Marine heads straight for the door, without stopping at the sink first. The Sailor, disgusted, calls out "Hey mate, in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after we piss!!", to which the Marine replies "Really? In the Marine Corps, They teach us not to piss on our hands.

10.) Marine: "When you absolutely, positively need something blown up before noon, this is your team."

They only have 2 jobs to do:
a.) Take the land from our enemies
b.) Kill anybody who try to stop them from doing job #1.

Have a Mai Tai for Me.

2010-01-16T03:10:00.000-08:00

Hawaii is ok.

I guess I've become one of those really boring people. I could have fun sitting on the floor doing nothing just as long as Killer was sitting next to me.

I've been to Hawaii plenty of times. Yes, I need to be more appreciative but I want to see more of the world. I'm afraid of skin damage and I don't like wearing sandals and I hate crowded touristy capitals. I like swimming in the deep blue sea and not at the shore (parents don't want to do the pricey snorkeling excursion).

We're going horseback riding tomorrow so I hope it turns out to be as fun as the last time I went riding. If they don't let us run I'll be mad.

On the airplane ride from San Francisco to Kona, I drew my dream wedding dress. I was sure I wasn't going to get married myself, but my stupid boyfriend made me change my mind. :P I wasn't planning on sketching it...I just had my sketchbook out and it happened. The design may change, but as of now I'm actually quite pleased. It's going to be purple and hopefully the same shade as the dress on the bottom row, second from the right. I want the design to be unique and not completely relying on the color for its difference. Right now it's something I know I'll feel "pretty" in, but I'm also looking for something that'll make me feel look and feel like a bombshell-goddess from another planet. And I know that no seamstress could ever whip up anything that'll make me happy so I'm designing according to my personal sewing capabilities. So right now it's doable.

miss you. <5!

My Most Interesting Status Updates of 2009

2010-01-15T01:13:00.000-08:00

January

happy new year drunken status update!

seems like street lights, glowing, happened to be just like moments, passing in front of me

just like Pluto was eliminated from our group of planets, the black licorice jelly bean flavor should be discontinued! Blech

le tired

it's freaking January and I have a bug bite on my ankle.

is eating funkaay chinese new year candy

Needs a bounty hunter

February

is making ciopinno with Mom! Devo andare adesso!

has to write a 3 pg essay on an artist that barely exists in history! He only has a small paragraph on Wiki! I am royally screwed.

is dammit grounghog!

I love Martha Stewart. She is all that in a bag of potato chips.

is watching The Darjeeling Limited with my full attention and no disruptions

Is not dunrk

Dad is working in singapore for only 4 hours. Doesn't excuse him from buying me a gift.

Working at the dreaded high school today

I cry when I'm angry and I think it's God's way of preventing me from going ape-shit ninja on people

Buying her happiness at yoswirl and thrifttown

is saving $$ for spring break in Paris <3 is soooo excited. I am dancing around the house! Paris stays in one spot. The LOTR symphony does not. There goes my paycheck!

Is going to starve at Logan bc the cafeteria don't take debit or credit :(

is watching The 5th Element. Milla Jovovich ftw!

my old homies in LA are working the Oscars while I'm helping my mom with audits in SF. Why am I here?

Too much homework, not enough sleep.

Mojito overload...the family lime tree is currently out of stock

March

is productive in all aspects of life except for homework.

Dozed off during an art lecture and now I can't even read my own notes

Getting froyo now, doing hw later.

I need to shower. My hair is on the verge of forming dreads, kinda cool, but mostly just dirty

i fail at homework

the sweatshop is closed. goodnight.

is missing 3 parts of the blouse she has to sew. I think Grandma and the garbage are involved.

Is going to Pennsylvania on Thursday with Boss

Has landed in Philly, must get cheesesteak...

heading to the Garden State to see my Italian family and enjoy an Italian feast :)

Causing a ruckus on Staten Island with my favorite Jersey Girl :)

Going wine tasting with my parents in Livermore...as designated driver...whomp whomp whomp :(

made blue velvet cupcakes; no boyfriend to share them with.

April

Is watching Ong Bak 2! Sorry Boss, I opened the mail.

ok, ong bak 2 is AWFUL. thank goodness i didn't invite anyone over to watch this...

hasn't packed for Paris yet....

is finally heading to the airport. A.) hope we catch a plane B.) hope its first class

is seated. Seat 1F babyyy! Au Revoir!

Probably going to drop my classes tomorrow because going to school on friday was a thing of high school.

is a zombie.

got 37 hrs. community service and for my right turn. The gangsters caught with weed got less hours than I did!

If the harvard law/berkeley engineering grad can't fix my macbook, then I'll know I'm not meant to own any sort of electronic thing.

i don't feel like doing homework. ever!

needs to scan some "scantily clad" models for my hw.

great. both my parents have facebook. fml

my mom hums the theme song to rob dyrdek's fantasy factory

sold that ancient mazda protege, got 700 back, and I still have to drive the ugly Juno van while sam gets the camry. fml

Creepy old filipino guy staring at me on bart! Happy friday!

I must be Magneto's love child or something. I ruined my Macbook, my dad's pc, my camera, my ipod, my bart tickets....

state required testing for certifications in the areas of child abuse, bloodborne pathogens, and sexual harrassment. i better get called into work after training!

5 more months and i will never go to school ever again.

reached my goal of $100 for CAL's Relay for Life! Thanks Uncle Lee, Mom, and Mama V! Go Team Michelle!

I've practiced buddhist meditation all my life and I still can't tolerate filipino time. sooooo slowwwww

me: "dad, people in SF are starting to wear masks...should I get one?" dad: "why don't you just test out your immune system?

Holy Canoly I reached $150! You still have until Saturday to donate if you wish, but THANKS EVERYONE! www.projectmichelle.com

May

just lost every picture, song, movie, essay...EVERYTHING on my macbook. FML. I should just buy a Pro.

just walked my first lap at Relay for Life! 24 more hours to go and thanks for your support and donations! Team Michelle!!!yee

relay for life is the coolest thing ever, food, makeovers, haircuts, more food, football..I made a touchdown, cramped both calves and now I can't walk the track

is writing a paper on Noam Chomsky but I keep writing "Chompsky"...I think I'm hungry.

this girl in the computer lab asked, "how do you say 'no' in spanish?"

my parents are going on a cruise to vancouver for TWO days. that doesn't excuse them from not getting me a gift.

pushed both buttons for the elevator. up: "stay, do hw til 8:30pm" down: "go home early at 4:30pm"...verdict: I have to stay and do hw. fml

Francis "justin, I'm not going to class tomorrow. tell the teacher I had a good time last night"

didn't finish my hw...whatever..."what's school? we've got lives to worry about" -far

i can look at garter belts on the computer at school and everyone will assume its for a hw assignment...ok no jokes it IS for a hw assignment

crap I need to get my butt home from my 3 to 6 class in SF so I can vote!!!!

just made a potent cup of coffee and I am going to photoshop and illustrate all night until my eyes bleed

is going to two epic concerts this year!!! Trailermusic LIVE June 27th in Santa Monica and LOTR Symphony October 10th in NYC!

you probably won't believe me but it's a bug bite on my neck from Franny's bday, not a hickey.

MAJOR props to Nung, aka Suwanna Vatananan, for doing a presentation to her entire school on behalf of Project Michelle! yee! What good have YOU done today? (I've only done hw, blah)

"what's for hw? do you know how to do this? are you doing that? do you get it? ok, cool, me too." (EVERY WEEK, SAME CONVERSATION, YAY FIDM!)

CONGRATS Noohnie!!!! JLHS Valedictorian! (did I spell that right? cuz I sure wasn't one) YEE!

me and nung are pirates!!!! arrrggggg

June

Dad - "That movie made me cry...Eight Pounds"

I hope I get sloshed this weekend

IS GOING TO EDC! On Friday!

The Gas Fairy filled up my tank last night yee!

Great temple show, now....time to paaaartay!!!!

SoO sloshed

Asdh yuhj*rgk durnk!!!!!!

Yesterday there was a party. I think. -Number 2

I could be an advocate for water conservation. My car is pretty dirty and I haven't showered since Friday night.

Parked at Taco Bell next to a BMW, 2 other Lexuses, and a Porsche. Lesson: spend your $ on nice car = afford to eat crappy food.

Me and Nung guess that we've said "Cheers!" like....20 times since Saturday.

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA L.A. on Friday! I'm overexcited. EDC, Kellyfox, Mexican food, and Trailer Music LIVE! <3

I lived in LA for 9 months. I have no idea why I'm so excited to go back!

I love the heat! And smashing on le fiveee

I am in the center of the universe!!!! Everyone else have fun tomorrow :)!

Trailer Music LIVE in Santa Monica! Box seats baby!!!

So far heard live performances of trailer music from spiderman, hulk, wolverine, star trek, the duchess, and defiance!!!

Benjamin button, the changeling, indiana jones, transformers 2, iron man, winter olympics in torino!!!

Nikko gets mad at me for trying to watch transformers 2 online but refuses to pay for my movie ticket. Ummm thanks.

I had a nightmare about school as in not finishing my hw!!! What a relief it was to wake up and remember that it's my summer break! HAHA

July

My grandma is so down with the monks that they visit unannounced and thru the backyard! Barged in on me passed out on the living room floor!

But why is the rum gone?!

chambord vodka and cranberry juice!

Nungs driving me in the Sequoia. She's going 55 in a 35 zone. So help me God.

If you can save enough money up until next year, my 21st bday will be on the Jolly Roger, a pirate ship in Barbados.

Just went running for the first time in too long! Can't be fat AND single lol ;)

Make like Optimus Prime and be a HERO! PROJECT MICHELLE dot COM

If Francis Alex Ramos registered to be a LIFE SAVING bone marrow donor, then you should to. booo yaaahhh PROJECTMICHELLE.COM

Intern meeting for Macy's Passport Show tomorrow, yessssss

message from Lalimonster: "I'm home and ready to plaaaaay"

I ran right up to the bart doors, the conductor saw me, and he shut them and left. now I gotta wait 14 minutes. b!tch

Macy's Passport Internship interview at 11:30 am tomorrow! eeeeeks

I want to thank everyone who took the time to register and continued to spread the word of hope to others. We must continue to keep Michelle's legacy alive and fight cancer. I love you all, you're all heroes!!! www.projectmichelle.com

August

I hate computer patterndrafting and it hates me back.

is AN INTERN FOR MACY'S PASSPORT 2009!!!!!! YESSSSSS! omg, I just danced around my house hehe

uncle lee said "bill clinton went to nkorea, picked up two women, and hillary's happy about it!" yayayayaya

"There are 45 different primary languages spoken by our families in the New Have Unified School District" and I have to count for every student! sob

Mom's old college friend from Connecticut is coming. Their daughter was a nat'l ranked gymnast, got a full ride to college, both kids are straight A+ students. I'm not impressive, but I can wear my Chloe blouse and make myself feel better. lol

I want to go back to Phi Phi Island. :)

*walks to parents room to blowdry hair, sees suitcase on bed* "SAM! Where's mom and dad going?"...."Cabo" argshkljsdfsdhkahlgfs

Camping! Lake Alamore...Alamanor...Alll....Alamona...ALMANOR!

Diplo - "the yeah yeah yeahs are a proper rock band and they rule" WORD.

My besterestest best friend all the way from Canada (aye) shipped a bouquet of roses to my house! I love you Viv!!! <3

IS THAT ZAZZY?!?!

Coworker dropped the F-Bomb at 7:45 am. Older Indian coworker says "Ahh, good morning, we're right on time" That's Enrollment for ya. And I hate getting yelled at by parents that aren't mine.

is watching Inglourious Bastardos with Jump and Peter. Tell me why I'm always third-wheeling with this happy couple?!?!

Mr. Mac "Oh, so you're not with that guy anymore? I bet because he wasn't a Harry Potter fan huh! Yea, that's my girl!" ROFL, Mr. Mac is the rawsomest ahaha

I thought I was a fool for no one, but ooh baby I'm a fool for you

September

Finished my online class homework less than one minute before the close! I laugh in the face of danger muahahaha

and Max. :)

Bowling names: Tenticle, Kettle, Roo, Marine Gf (wtf), and Pedro

finished, completed, and processed Traffic School (assigned in April) ONE DAY before the deadline! I laugh in the face of danger muahaha

Oh, by the way, I'm flying to LA tomorrow morning. Let's play!

PASSPORT LA Day 1! AND THEY FEED CAST/CREW LUNCH AND DINNER yessss

October

I'm praying that my paycheck is XXXL bc I had way too much fun with my life and my credit card this month

told my nephew that my stash of Gummy Worms=dog food and jar of Nutella=medicine so he wouldn't ask me for some. Muahaha

MAJOR homework carnage tonight then celebrating life and resilient livers tomorrow at Mua!

wow, first all-nighter. And it's the 3rd week of school.

daydreaming about my bed

I've been awake since 10am. YESTERDAY. And it was because I did double the amount of hw that I was s'posed to. Now I can chill this week!

I found a box of Capri Sun in the fridge. Life just got 10x mo betta.

How did Old Navy go from hip commericals with sexy models and catchy music to...talking mannequins?

November

Tim Burton, Alexander McQueen, Wade Robson, Johnny Depp, and maybe Outkast need to collaborate on something and it'll be the coolest, weirdest something ever.

My mom bought a can of corned beef hash. What're you supposed to do with it? Filipino friends please help a Thai girl out.

Mom: "Any team that stays at our hotel loses. Like the Chicago Bears."

I have no time for school. Life is too much fun. So excited to see Monicuzzin from Philly, Mr. Hyphen (Go Pahole! for Thai-Am Scholarship/Janet Liang!), 1920's party and Ski/Board Fest!

I was watching Grey's Anatomy and I asked Mom, "What does it mean if you're yellow?" (as in Jaundice/liver prblms; I find out later) and she says "It means you're Asian."

is really full. Full of sushi and Capri Sun. Perfect meal :)

ME: "I'm hungry." MOM: "Are you pregnant?!" GEEZ, wtf!

Mom: "You're undependable."

December

I participated in a small competition/test of strength (of the legs) and I beat a Marine...TWICE. Muahaha. I win!

Dad: "Me and Mom are going out to eat at our friend's restaurant but you and Sam aren't invited." SO WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?

Vivian: "nipples are in for spring 2010... gotta get me some pointy bras hahaha"

Me: "What island are we going to?" Mom: "Waikiki. Where all the shopping is" --I know Waikiki isn't an island, what I didn't know was that my mom would think to revolve a vacation around shopping locations. I think I like her.

Mom (watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition): "That looks like your bedroom." Me: "The Before or After?" Mom: "BEFORE."

Mom: "He must be gay. He loves to eat testicles." --while watching Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern

just graduated! I dunno why I signed up for school when I'm clearly so happy without it!

Sometimes when I do something really dumb like: locking my keys in the car, dropping food on my shirt...I wish I could Ctrl+Z. Like I actually play it out in my head "Aaargh! Ctrl+Z! Ctrl+Z!"

Peter Thupsoonthorn and Jump Promprakob won't drop me off in Roseville because they're scared of my mom.

2010-01-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

GAY = SIN from Matthew Brown on Vimeo.

"I sincerely hope that in the future we stop looking for divinity amongst the pages of outdated books and find the divinity that we are all capable of as human beings." -Mitchell LeBlanc

2010-01-14T18:26:00.000-08:00

The Rotola with basil is one of my favorite snacks. It's a "small wheel" of mozarella rolled up with proscuitto and basil. It's kinda pricey, like $7 for 8 oz. but you're paying for a good quality snack. Anyways, my sister finished half of the log by herself. She just ate it straight for lunch. She sat on the couch watching the Disney channel and scarfed the whole thing down. It's supposed to be a sliced and shared appetizer usually enjoyed with company or at least a glass of wine. I'm really mad and hungry and I don't know who in their right mind would think it was okay to hog half of a cheese log. It's like baking a red velvet cake for your family but saving half for yourself. No, more like something classy, like drowning a medium rare steak in bbq sauce or taking a shot of absinthe (Hi Max). I've had roommates before, and I know what it's like to share food. You eat portions! NOT THE WHOLE THING! This is NOT the first time I've gotten mad at my sister for eating everything. I can't remember what the last food item was but it's like...REALLY?!?! YOU ate that whole thing BY YOURSELF?!?! Did you even consider that maybe your 3 other family members may have wanted to taste some?

asdlkjhfsdlkfjhldkf and my tummy has been all weird because I've only been eating funky Thai food.

sorry, i love my cheese. and i'm hungry and grumpy

Veiled Remarks

2010-01-14T12:49:00.000-08:00

I was doing my usual daily tour of my favorite wedding websites and came across this unusual advertisement on Once Wed.

I thought the little subtitle was quirky and stylish so I clicked it which led to her website.

Melissa is an author of a book (same title as above) which contains a gazillion of funny and unusual facts about the history of weddings.

According to the homepage, back in the day after a bride a groom was wed, the groom would stand at his bride's side, her hand in his left and his sword in his right to fight off any of her family members that had gone postal and tried to steal her back.

There's not much on her website, but what's there is cool.

Another thingy off her blog features interviews with children to find out their definitions of marriage.

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump
truck. -- Ricky , age 10

2010 So far

2010-01-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

Dude, this year has been so wonderful and it's only been 13 days!

1.) I get to see this guy ^^^ 2 weekends in a row!

2.) I just got hired by Like.com check it out and shop!

3.) I'm going to Hawaii this weekend

4.) Osha SF is opening a new location on the 20th = expensive free food!!!

5.) On the 22nd I'm volunteering for (haha) a volunteer recognition event in Hayward and getting my free Disneyland ticket!!!

6.) Later that evening a bunch of us from Save the Thai Temple are attending the Warriors game where we will be honored at halftime for our work in the Asian American community (I'm kinda embarrassed to go down to the court, I'd rather sit in the stands and see it happen)

7.) I'm really just excited for Max to be here twice. Aaaand he's flying Virgin America, which I booked, so I'm kinda jealous. I'm even happier that he's not driving. He does a shitload of driving.

8.) I'm trying to find time to go donate blood, help Haiti!

Hi Amanda, what's my name?

2010-01-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

I found this on my old Photobucket and I thought I'd repost it because of how funny this day was.

I was sitting with my dad at the temple, and I see this baby. I was shocked, "DAMN! That baby looks exactly like me as a baby!" Even crazier that my own father agreed with me. Then, baby starts running. Her mom yells for her, "Amanda!"

Ridiculous. She's my twin! I see her sometimes at the temple, she's about...5 or 6 now and she still kinda looks like me.

This is my baby picture with my China Doll haircut.

Amanda and Amanda. I look janky because I finally retired from World Guard for the year.

And then Sandy found her Mini Me.

"Go Away"

2010-01-11T20:44:00.001-08:00

April deserves to be famous.

Lemon

2010-01-08T01:32:00.000-08:00

Just clearing up my desktop. I'm attempting to switch layouts so I can post entries with BIGGER pictures. Time to brush up on my not-so-wonderful html skillz.

Alpha

2010-01-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

Blah blah blah about the the whole military thing. I try not to let my boyfriend become my muse but it's just chemistry. I'm drawn to the things he likes (not videogames...yet) and the the things he does.

Anyways, Alpha Industries has produced over 40 million outerwear pieces for the US Military and now they sell military-INSPIRED garments. Their shit is cool. AND affordable! The men's stuff is more classic and the women's is more contemporary.

Ladies MacGyver. Orig: $98 NOW: $38

Fortress Wool. Orig: $160 NOW: $75Ladies Motor Bomber. Orig: $445 NOW: $180 sjdkhfadkfhg I have no money!!!

Hickoree's

2010-01-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

Hickoree's Hard Goods is mostly an online store full of gentlemany goods. Leather, canvas, hard metals, flannel, denim. They've got a pop-up shop in Brooklyn thru February (dammit, everything's in New York). Everything they carry is sourced from small shops around the world: toiletries (whiskey/tabacco scented aftershave, for example) from Portland, metal charms from Mexico, canvas and leather trim bags from England. None of that yucky mass-produced crap. Naturally, everything I liked on their online shop was already sold out. It's a good sign because I've got no money to spend in the first place.

One thing my wonderful Killer has got me into is literary style. I've always loved pictures more than words but you cannot deny that diction&description = style. Check out the flyer for their pop -up shop.cred: The Fader

Rock N Roll Bride

2010-01-06T16:26:00.001-08:00

What’s new for ‘I do’? – Turn your back on tradition with 2010’s so-now W-day crazes
1. Outdoor ceremomies
2. Photo booths
3. Cupcakes (still!)
4. Balloons
5. Personal details
6. Centrepieces instead of flowers
7. No receiving line
8. Chalkboard signs
9. Bright shoes with a white dress
10. Engagement photo shoots
11. Grooms in Converse trainers
12. Short dresses worn with birdcage veils
13. Mismatched bridesmaid dresses
14. Dogs at weddings
15. Fake moustaches for fun photos

2010-01-05T17:55:00.000-08:00

also from: Manufactum.co.uk

This is the Tre Spade Coffee Grinder. Epic.

"Connoisseurs agree that freshly ground coffee tastes so much better if it is ground manually, not electronically. This beautiful old Italian device transforms an unpopular chore into a pleasure. It is also extremely attractive: the body , flywheel and cogs are cast iron, the mill forged steel, and the crank handle and base are beech. The mill can be adjusted from fine, for espresso, to coarse, for filter coffee."

Goes for about...$440 plus shipping and import tax and all those other taxes and fees to get this sexy ass coffee grinder shipped across the pond.

steam..pot

2010-01-05T17:49:00.001-08:00

from: http://www.papertastebuds.com/
This copper pot goes for about $153 US.

"It is made by hand in a small coppersmith shop in Birmingham, England. They’ve been making this kettle with the same tools, same materials and same process for over 100 years. The kettle, made entirely of copper, boasts a perfectly flat bottom for even heat distribution plus dashingly good looks."

Check it out (I doubt anyone can afford it) at Manufactum.co.uk

Dear Killer

2010-01-05T17:31:00.000-08:00

We must. We MUST. Build this in our kitchen. That's all. =)

Dipped Chocolate

2010-01-04T22:09:00.001-08:00

I know I disappeared for a while. It seems that I make more time to blog and Facebook when I'm looking to get away from homework. Since I've graduated I've been looking for jobs.

My last couple posts have been AAAALLL writing and no pretty pictures. Not that I'm an established fashion/style blogger (eew) but I do have feelings and I do complain a lot.

So now, I'll be catching up on pictures. These are from Once Wed and feature a couple that had a barn wedding in Norcal on a gloomy rainy day.

I love that all the bridesmaids are wearing boots. That's awesome.

Cotton Club

2010-01-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

I've looked and admired these pictures over and over so many times that I've nearly gotten sick of them. I can't believe I forgot to post them here to show off. :P

I had finals week right before the night of the party so I was left to send out an electronic invite :/ At least I saved trees. I arranged everything on Photoshop CS4 in about, 15 minutes. The written part was conjured up by my wonderful friendboy.

I had some of the boys stand outside because you were required to know a password to get in. I thought it was just a neat little detail but some of my guests DID forget the password and thought that they could just waltz in...SIKE!

I WISH I had more money to make more food. I was sooo worried we were going to run out.

The party started at 9pm and I THOUGHT everyone would have already eaten dinner. I was wrong. Everyone was scarfing down everything.

I did the hair and makeup for Uno and she looked like a little Clara Bow.

Clara Bow, for reference.

***

--Pictures of guests!!!

That was just a TINY TINY TINY sample. For more pictures, click...
More!

End of 2009 Survey

2010-01-04T01:06:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Got a tattoo, went to a rave, got drunk and made out with a boy (who ended up becoming my boyfriend so its all good), use up the entire balance on my credit card, try absinthe, graduate college, plan 3 big parties (never again, I spend too much $ and hate cleaning), drank until I vomited and blacked out

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?

Not thaaat close.

4. Did anyone close to you get married?

Engaged, yes.

5. Did anyone close to you die?

Uncle Don, TJ, Connie, Title, Michelle.

6. Travel?

LA 3x's, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey

7. Did you move anywhere?

NOPE.

8. What was the best month?

Hmmm...September and December. Because they both involved a lot of Killer.

9. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

More time, like, waaaaay more time with Killer.

10. What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I dunno dates so I'm listing places.

Bonfire at Ocean Beach- just a nice big reunion. Tons of people and I just wanted one person to talk to me. Apparently he tried and yeah, I chickened out.

Anytime at Mua - because I drunkenly made out with Killer one time, dealt with his drunk friend another time, then I acted the hot mess another time. I'm pretty sure I hate Mua. Mua = disaster.

Table Rock - it was too gay and romantical. Beautiful secluded beach, hot boyfriend, blue water, setting sun.

Roseville - time moves a little slower there. I need more of that.

Irvine - Same as Roseville.

11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Letting him love me. No more cat & mouse and in & out. Here to stay.

Aaand, graduating.

12. What was your biggest failure?

Blacking out after a night at Mua.

13. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Hangovers.

14. What was the best thing you bought?

A typewriter and snowboard jacket.

15. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Gnat, for being a fun drunk.

16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?

My family. They hate me.

17. Where did most of your money go?

BART, food, Christmas gifts.

18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Lord of the Rings Symphony in NYC that I didn't make it to.

Anytime I got to see Killer. He makes me a giddy schoolgirl it's absolutely disgusting.

19. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Anything Lady Gaga I guess. And Chelsea Dagger haha.

20. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?

Waaaay happier

ii. richer or poorer?

Waaay poorer

21. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Saving money

22. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Whining

23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?

Already spent, with Killer (again) but this time we got to cupcake and stuff.

24. What was an unexpected surprise?

Apart from the fact that Killer is now my significant other, it would have to be the time I decided to go to Irvine after not making it to NY and the time he decided to visit me before driving back to Irvine.

25. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes =)

26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?

Trailer Music Live. For the material. Not the company I was with.

27. What was your favorite TV program?

Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Keeping Up With The Kardashians has now become a guilty pleasure.

28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?

Don't think so.

29. What was the best book you read?

God, did I even read anything this year? Twilight? But I think I finished it before last New Years...

30. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Trailer Music Live...EPIC ROCK.

31. What did you want and get?

Max

32. What did you want and not get?

Parents that would listen instead of threaten.

33. What was your favorite film of this year?

Gaah, right at the very end...SHERLOCK HOLMES. And The Boat That Rocked was awesome. Zombieland, Up, The Hurt Locker, Harry Potter 6, Star Trek, Inglourious Basterds, The September Issue, 500 Days of Summer,

34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

First I partied it up in the wilderness (camping). Returned home, had a sushi dinner that my hungover ass couldn't stomach, then slooowwly sipped ice wine and munched on kettle corn with some friends and a scary movie. Oh, I turned 20.

35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More Killer.

36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

*shrugs*

37. What kept you sane?

Killer, Nutella, Coffee, Sleep.

38. What political issue stirred you the most?

Same-sex marriage

39. Who did you miss?

Killer.

40. Random Memories from 2009?

I feel like everything is a blur up until September 8th.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T23:40:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Right before I got in the party mood on NYE, I was invited to style/assist a photo shoot. The photographer, Minh Thi, an old friend from elementary school, was looking for something sensual, intimate, delicate. This was my first time getting to style a shoot and I wanted to make sure I was OVER-prepared as opposed to under. I brought 15 pairs of shoes, a whole suitcase of clothes, boxes of lingerie, my entire makeup kit, curling irons, the works. One pair of shoes was used, and maybe 2-3 outfits per girl.

I had so much fun and I can't wait to work on more shoots! The atmosphere was so relaxed, especially because it was a collaboration. We also shot at the Motel 6 in Newark. Janice modeled; she is one of my close friends from 3rd grade and also a guard girl. The other model Ashley is another girl I did guard with. I learned that if the model is uncomfortable with herself it makes everyone else working uncomfortable. Fortunately Janice and Ashley were very fun to work with.

Here's a handful of photos, more to come!

Model: Janice Lee
Photographer: Minh Thi Nguyen
Wardrobe: Amanda Manklang (me!)

Model: Ashley Blank
Photographer: Minh Thi Nguyen
Wardrobe: Amanda Manklang (Me!)

2009-12-28T11:52:00.001-08:00

my sister renamed all my final portfolio folders saved on the desktop computer.

"you're so immature"
"get out of my life"
"i hate you"
"i never want to see you again"
"move out"
"stupid"
"stupid2"
"stupid3"

unfortunately, i can't fulfill her wishes because my parents love torturing me here at the house. second, she doesn't hate me as much as i thought since she ran out of ideas for cruel folder names after "stupid".

i really don't mind her hating me, but I NEVER hate people unless I was 100% sure that I was better than them. She's got nothing on me so...no matter!

lifelong siesta

2009-12-28T03:52:00.000-08:00

This transition part sucks.

As a designer, I've been conditioned for 2.5 ridiculous years to take one thing that inspires me and distort it, change it, flip it, invert it, crop it, smooth it...INTERPRET it as many different ways as possible so that I can create for myself a huge array of garments from which I can pick out the 12-14 pieces that make up a collection.

I am conditioned to take an idea and run with it. Movement, adaptation, and growth. Very important.

So what's going on now is that with my newly graduated ass, I am ready to explore; ready to move, ready to search, ready to work, ready to act the adult part. But my parents are strapping me to the ground; threatening me with paying rent, car insurance, a lease on the car, health, cell phone, and internet. Because you've got to AFFORD to be an adult.

I never expected my parents to let me have the easy way out but GOD THIS SUCKS. As a parent, you should be nurturing and guiding and kind. Give the kid what they need to grow and remind them to thank you for what you have been given. It's like begging for water but being charged for it first. I feel like I am in prison. I am under a contract. I thought about driving to Roseville but I swear they'd call the cops on me for a stolen vehicle. I thought paying off my school loans for the next ten years was going to be my prison but no, it goes far beyond that.

All because they made a big deal out of me wanting to go to the bf's house for dinner. They say I don't spend enough time with my family (they ate and drank scotch around a full dinner table while the kids stayed upstairs). They say I don't need a relationship; that I should be focusing on my career--HELLO, its the fucking holiday and everything is closed. I just wanted one fucking day.

They also said that "it doesn't matter what good or bad things you do because in the Asian culture people are always going to talk" FUCK that. The more they bring up "Thai Society" or "Asian culture" or "you're not FULL American"...it just makes me want to punch a wall. First of all, the only way anything bad could have leaked was if they spread the news themselves. Second, I've done a shitload of fucking work, more work than any of my friends who attend respectable UC's so shutthefuckup. I've worked my ass off during MY Finals week and time and time again its the same kids that get the recognition for being pretty, speaking Thai, attending a UC, and generally sucking up to all the old people. I don't need the recognition, I just want the assholes who talk bad about me (if there are any like my parents say...) they should at least consider what I have done.

I am a people-pleaser. I work hard, I sweat, I hurt, I am well-presented, I'm there first, I'm the last to leave, I'm there 110%, I volunteer, I smile, I'll do the bitch-work. I suck it up, I'll gain your trust, I want you to rely on me. I'm 90% sure if you were to ask any of the the 30+ coworkers, volunteer coordinators and and other connections I've done work with...they'd have something good to say about me and my work. The other 10% involves the folks who probably don't remember me because I don't talk much. The only people who have a problem with me are my own parents.

I've hardly got my own life to live right now. It's just bills. My bedroom is the only sanctuary I've got. And then I get to see Killer for New Years Eve. After that he's back to Irvine and "I don't know when we'll see each other" he said. How tragic.

***

Also, I googled my name and found a blog that mentioned Rodney. I think he may have found the same info as myself, a band's website whose album was dedicated to him and another guy "whose lives were taken much too soon" but his blog finished off in a short sentence that Rodney killed himself.

Rodney's cause of death has always been veiled...to this day I'm still unsure of how it happened. I clearly remember my dad asking my uncle a few years after his passing about how it happened and he didn't give us an answer.

I've always thought of Rodney as being good enough; that whoever lives Upstairs and controls our lives' on/off switch thought he was awesome enough to get to move on to the next life. I knew he was crazy busy, stressed out, and probably lonely. Our age difference prevented me from ever getting to be his "go-to" person if he needed a friend or someone to complain to but I still wish over and over that he could have been mine.

I've got Killer. He's my safety net, and he's not going anywhere :)

Asleep in the Back

2009-12-08T00:21:00.000-08:00

All my time is yours (Yesss)
My twisted heart is yours (Not that twisted)
The faithless shit is yours (Nope, faithful)
The shameless fits of love that only smother you for moments (longer than that)
Until I fold them up and leave (you first)
All yours (Yesss)

Twist the words around and then you've got the perfect song.
<5!

I gravitate towards songs that sound good...they've got to have that sort of cinematic quality to it. And very often after I pick out the words and lyrics of the song is turns out to be a piece of crap. This is a almost a piece of crap.

Thanks

2009-12-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

This was from an old email chain start by some Berkeley temple kids. I let a whole 2 weeks pass before I filled it in. I hate when people don't respond to my emails so I felt the need to respond to this.

***

Greetings!!!!!!!Welcome to an annual Thanksgiving tradition that started back in2003!!! And welcome back to past participants.

What you do:

1. Name five things you are thankful for this year. You decide the scope and level of seriousness/silliness/both: something that made yousmile today, people, activities, anything! Please don't be a smartassand say, for instance, you're grateful that something annoying didn'thappen to you today. We all have those days, but this isn't a forumfor complaints.

2. Resend to the person who sent it to you + anyone else you want tobe part of the Operation. (A note regarding Op. Grat. and socialmedia: it is being left in the realm of old-fashioned email. With theadvent of chats, texts, FB, twitter, etc., I believe its important tothe integrity of the operation to keep this targeted, limited andintimate - and not a "post" for hundreds to read.)

***

BECAUSE I'M LAZY AND ALWAYS LATE <3 And in no particular order because I'm not organized either.

1.) STTT/Fremont/Berkeley Temple Kids: You guys gave me something to work a little harder for. Before Peter "dragged" me along to my first STTT meeting at ALC I was just a wee little fashion design student that complained too much about school. Nevermind, I still complain too much about school. Then I got more involved with the Thai community, helping others, and things bigger than myself and my clothes. All you old people (hehe) continue to be my big brothers and sisters that I look up to. I hope that in the future I can grow up to be as inspiring to the younger generation just like you guys are to me.

2.) My Parents: Mom for loving me unconditionally even when I forget to wash the dishes and clean my room. For taking me out of my senior year of HS for a week to tour Europe and signing off my Independent Study Forms as "Cultural Enrichment", letting me drop math class, not killing me when I got a tattoo and for forgiving me for not going to a UC to become a nurse. Dad for being reckless and funny and irresponsible (we match). For being my snowboard buddy, skydiving buddy, travel agent, and for buying a Vespa because that pissed off Mom so bad that it made me look the better person and let me off the hook of a lot of other things.

3.) Max: For letting me Genghis Khan my way in and out of your life for 5 years like it was cool and still sticking around for me in the end. For babying me because being a tough boss bitch is hard work and not so fun.

4.) Los Angeles: Because I grew up SO FAST living there for 9 months in comparison to my 17 years in Union City

5.) Mexicans. No Illegals = No Burritos. I love the food, Broadway Street and the Fashion District in LA, taco trucks, Mexico, Dia De Los Muertos, churros, flea markets, horchata, tequila, mariachi bands, Chevy's Flautas, sugar skulls, Viva La Raza!

HAPPY LATE THANKSGIVING!

2009-12-07T04:09:00.000-08:00

Spike is 2...maybe 3 years old and she's already amazing!

(She's the granddaughter of my coworker. I wish I could meet her someday. My coworker's son, Spike's dad, has been writing letters to her since she was a bun in the oven!)

HOW IT WORKS

Dear Spike:

As usual, you were patient and kept very quiet as I went about my journalistic duties. Finally, after I finished my interviews, I lifted you into my arms and we headed back to the car.

Now, it was your turn to ask questions.

"What is that?" you asked, pointing to the building we had just exited.

"That's the food bank," I said.

"What is a food bank for?"

"It's for people who need food."

"I'm hungry daddy. Let's go to the food bank."

I set you on the curb beside our car and sat down next to you.

"OK... well... that's not how it works," I said.

You stared up at me expectantly and waited for me to continue, but I was having trouble coming up with the right explanation for a two year old — particularly an amazingly empathetic two year old with an incredibly thin emotional skin.

"How does it work, daddy?" you asked.

"Well," I said, pulling you onto my lap, "you know how when you want something to eat, all you have to do is ask mommy or daddy and we get you something from the kitchen?"

"Like macaroni and cheese," you said with a confident nod.

"That's right," I said. "We have lots of food in our kitchen. That makes us very lucky."

"We are lucky to have macaroni and cheese," you agreed.

"But not everyone has food in their kitchen," I continued, pausing to assess how you'd take this news.

Your little brow was furrowed, but your chin wasn't trembling, so I continued on.

"Some people don't always have enough to eat, so they go to the food bank for help."

You nodded your head, shrugged and pushed yourself off my lap. I opened the car door and you hopped into your seat without a word. I figured you had lost interest. And to be honest I was a little bit relieved. I had an article to write and I didn't really need a sobbing child making things difficult.

As I turned on the car, I peered into the rear-view mirror and gave you a smile.

You smiled back, but I could see you were trying to work something out.

"Daddy," you said finally. "We can help the people with no food."

I can't begin to tell you how proud I was of you.

This weekend, we'll take make a special trip to the grocery market to fill a bag of groceries for the food bank. We'll get a few loaves of bread, some meat and some canned vegetables.

And, of course, some macaroni and cheese.

Love,
dad

Stay Awake

2009-12-07T02:13:00.000-08:00

Killer somewhat recently introduced me to the term "Steampunk" and I LOVE all of it. Umm, well I think I do. Oh wait, not all of it. Because up there is a Steampunk style cake in the shape of my least favorite thing in the whole wide world...a butterfly.

I want to make this. Jump's surprise 22nd birthday is this weekend. Pig nominated me to make 7-layer dip like always...and I want to make this veggie dish. I'll have to find a replacement for those mushrooms though...eew.

I'm going to start labeling my posts. I enjoy looking back and seeing the things that I complain about, the things that excite me, etc. Mostly complain.

Right now I'm working on PERFECTING my layout pages for my portfolio. There ARE things I have yet to start but for some reason I really really want my backgrounds to be PERFECT. I've spent hours on Deviant Art, Flickr, Google, and Bing searching for the best photos and editing them on Photoshop. I'm actually quite pleased with my Tuskegee Airmen theme called Flyboy. Goodness, I wonder how historically inaccurate I am with this. I have got to do research. I'm not even completely sure how to pronounce Tuskegee.

My collection inspired by the photos of prostitutes from brothels of Storyville, New Orleans is probably my favorite collection. I've finally found some wonderful photos of damaged damask wallpapers.

My last collection inspired by the artwork of Aubrey Beardsley is being a little more difficult; I'm trying really hard to find a visual of something that symbolizes his artwork as opposed to just blowing up one of his pieces and using that as a background.

Taking a random topic and finding inspiration for that is easy. Taking a work of art and finding inspiration for that is a little more difficult. It's like painting the definition of painting.

***
Killer is coming up on Tuesday! HELL. YES. We won't really be "hanging out" because I'll be slaving away at my homework (like what I should be doing right now) but having him around while I work 'round the clock is comforting. Being awake at this hour ALONE sucks.

Lately my parents have been teasing me about Killer's uncle, Mongolian, who I'm not very fond of, by saying things like "he's going to be your relative soon" and stuff like that. It surprised me that when my mom first found out about me and Killer she said "So, you're dating [Killer] now? You want to be related to [Mongolian]?" Not in a mean way, they just laugh about him ALL THE TIME.

For example, my dad wants me to coordinate this Volunteer Appreciation Dinner for the usual temple folks in March; just a little something "fun" (NOTHING is fun when karaoke is involved) to celebrate, acknowledge, and thank the volunteers for all their hard work. And of course, Mongolian was the ONLY person against it. Saying it was a waste of money.

Second, one of the music teachers passed out twice; as in walking...then faint. Not frequent enough to be narcoleptic, maybe anemic. Or whatever else makes you pass out. Mongolian flipped out and said "We need to ship him back to Thailand now!" While my dad calmly reminded him "Maybe we should take him to the doctor first, then ask the school principal if they have insurance..."

Anyways, as long as Mongolian doesn't get as intrusive, demanding, disruptive, inconsiderate and JUST PLAIN ANNOYING like The Giantess, then I'm all good. He just knows how to be wrong when EVERYONE ELSE is right all together.

***

I have memories and moments that stick in my head forever and then there are things that I just continue to ask over and over about and forget the answer. I'm an airhead. But I think me and Killer's 3 months is tomorrow (I think...I forget the date) AND Harry Potter 6 comes out on dvd the same day. Awesome. I just remembered Killer's cell phone number, so cut me some slack.

I wonder when I'll finally just be really comfortable around him. As I have mentioned before, we've known each other for years, been dating for 3 months, see each other 1-2 weekends a month...but every time I see him I'm like Puff and Duke...WAAAAY excited every time someone comes home.

It's ridiculous how drawn I am to him.

K, homeworkage!

"When we live together..."

2009-12-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

^^^That has become one of my favorite quotes. :)

First off, I JUST got out of my mandatory exit loan counseling meeting. As humorous and kind the presenter was, that didn't cover the scary fact that I'm going to be dealing with a shitload of debt. I really wish my parents didn't let me attend college until I could afford it myself because they pulled out all the loans for me and now I've just got all sorts of debt dumped on me. My parents aren't giving me any sort of discount, so adding up my Stafford and PLUS loan leaves me with $550/month payments for 10 years (hopefully a few months shorter). And that was with a little rounding up...it would be $516 flat if I really counted 10 years. Hopefully I can find a job that will enable me to shelve out more amounts of money per month to pay this off because a full 10 years of that crap sounds like prison.

It really pisses me off. I'm wondering if I should go to work as scheduled for tomorrow or finish my homework. At least I'm booked for catering with my Mom on Saturday.

Once I graduate I'm going to sell a bunch of my clothes, cash in my heavy collection of coins and loose change, sell my beach cruiser and just unload ALL my junk before I move to LA. I do have toooo much stuff.

One weird thing is that I'm excited to tackle that school loan, finding 2 jobs to make ends meet...it EXCITES me. And yet I've got a whole lot of homework due on Thursday and I'm not scared about that. I hardly care. Agjfgyldhjk

My usual blog entry with Happy Vomit 'bout the boyfriend will come later with visuals. But I will mention right now that I purchased Killer's Christmas gift last night and I think it's awesome. Here's a couple more hints.

-It'll look PERFECT in our future apartment
-It helps him accomplish one of the things he really wants to do
-Space

That's it! For now!

Everything You Haven't Seen

2009-11-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago was the Mr. Hyphen pageant, a really cheesy competition for Asian American men with a $1000 prize for the charities of their choice. My good friend Golfy won and the money was split between Janet Liang of HelpingJanet.com, a beautifulyoungintelligent girl that is fighting leukemia, and the Thai American Scholarship.

Just recently, Golfy's win was posted in the NYTimes! Someone dreadful also uploaded videos of his really ridiculous talent portion. I've grown accustomed to working behind the scenes. The stage is not my thing anymore, I wasn't comfortable, and I really didn't want to be up there. So why am I showing you the videos? Because the people that read this should know a little bit more about me than the people on Facebook. Oh, internet...

The unofficial afterparty was at Mua. I was a tranny hot mess. I chugged 3 Adios' and adiosed the fuck out.

Fast forward a couple weeks later and I'm hanging out with my favorite person. =) I spent Thanksgiving weekend driving back and forth with Killer between Roseville and Union City because my mom doesn't care too much for the mileage and gas and the environment.

On the Friday after Thanksgiving we headed to Union Square for the Tree Lighting Ceremony. Killer and I arrived a little late and IT WAS SOOO PACKED. We managed to find our little gate "VIP Entrance", told the PR Lady my full name, Killer's full name, and then we walked through this absolutely clear entrance away from the sardine-packed crowds of people. =)

We ended up hanging out stage right =)

From what I heard the event wasn't so great (the parts we missed). I'm just glad I didn't have to hang out in the sea of people =)

Saturday, watched Transiberian Orchestra with Jump, Pig, and Killer. Arco Arena is a piece of shit with it's nasty plastic seats. The concert was wonderful when the musicians didn't sing. Overall the concert was very 80's, and I HATE the music of the 80's. Also, lots of hair-whipping. LOTS.

Secret game. =)

This past Wednesday, I was driving home from work and got rear ended by some idiot. I was on Decoto near Vintage Courts and the guy that hit me really fucked up his car. Someone braked late at the red light which caused a chain reaction. I was far back, driving below speed limit, so I braked fine and it was totally obvious that the guy behind me was speeding and not paying attention. It sounded awful; I heard glass, saw the smoke right away, and the sound of the impact kept replaying in my head a few hours after. When I, and the lady in front of me whose car I got pushed into, pulled over...the idiot sped off! I was fine, the lady in front of me was fine. Surprisingly there wasn't too much damage to our cars especially with how bad it sounded. My exhaust was smashed/folded down, my bumper was hanging a little low, and I can't open the trunk anymore. I was just surprised that nothing was smashed in. A very nice guy on his bike called the cops for us, and another guy showed up 2 minutes later to say that he followed the jerk after he sped off and told us the make of his car. He also said the guy was swerving before the crash.

It took me 2+ years to trust myself behind the wheel, but folks, don't forget that you CAN'T trust the drivers around you. Whether or not you're on a bike or walking or driving. Be safe! Don't be a late braker. Aaand, if you're walking...even if the Walk Man lights up, be careful of idiots that go crazy for those green turn lights. In LA I nearly got plowed by this truck. The ASSHOLE slammed on the brakes, looked at me, then sped off. He didn't even say sorry. I was so mad, so mad that I couldn't do anything...that I cried. Haha.

Back to homework.

Another hint for Killer:
-Ribbon

All I See

2009-11-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

I had a crazy weekend which consisted of everything but homework.

Saturday

Woke up at the asscrack of dawn, no, before that, at 5am. Packed up too much stuff, and the kids, then headed to Fresno. My sister's very kind friend offered to drive, smashed on the 99 and we arrived an hour early...about 8am. Call time was 9am, which was still an hour before showtime. Found a Starbucks - THANKGOD - and even the cashier, some guy that looked like he shoulda been playing defense for some football team, said "Damn, you're here early." Goodness I love that. I am NOT a morning a person and when I go to Starbucks and my drug (caffeine) dealers are all cheerful and happy and chirping I just want to shoot them. I like when my drug dealers are as grumpy as I am. I ended up being veryyyy content with my coffee because that sustained me for about...half of the day before realizing I needed to eat real food to feel better...around 4pm.

Arrived at Koligian Stadium for 1/2/3A Prelims promptly at 9am - after heading the wrong fucking direction - I HATE Fresno. Set up trophies, btw I got to drive a golf cart which I ended up NOT liking, and got the feel of the venue. Once the show started I kinda screwed up the exchange of tapes (I can't blame my kids) so I decided to just handle tape exchanges myself. I hardly ate anything the whole day, had 1 bottle of water, and did a shitload of stairs and running to hospitality. I was really pleased with how kind the hospitality women were to me because they were bitches to everyone else. I sort of abused their kindness by snagging food for my volunteers. Anyways, the day was soooo long and the whole time I wished Killer was around. We were both experiencing a long, sucky day but not experiencing it together...but if we were together then the day wouldn't be sucky.

By the end of the night I was SPRINTING back and forth between the center field and the Stat room because all 44 school folders needed complete Recaps which can't be printed until the last school's performance scores are tallied. The Godfather (George) asked me to handle trophies first and while I was arranging all 24 trophies/3 banners/3 boxes of medals/Yamaha prizes, the school bands were doing this weird thing where the percussion marches up to the awards table and shows off. I had worked with WBA 3 times and NEVER seen that happen before, so while I'm arranging trophies this one school is drumming TWO FEET away from the table. My ass was practically sitting on the first snare's drum lol. Eventually they move over and ANOTHER BAND replaces them. The fuck! Let me do my job!

After finishing up the trophies I run back to Stat to get the envelopes which have all scores, mp3's, dvd's, and recaps...turns out we have a computer problem with the numbers, then the announcers went ahead with Awards. I run back and THEN...end up having to walk with the drum major (presenting) of the host school because she has to MARCH AND SALUTE and couldn't have her hands full goddammit. So I was dressed and looking like a messy fool on the field handing off trophies.

***And all that stuff rightbefore the actual handing off of the awards was within a 10 minute time frame. Suck.

Finally, awards was over and One and I DEFROSTED in the heated Stat room. We were the last people to leave because Sam and company at the 4/5A site were taking their sweet time so I called up Killer <3. Now, by this time I finally had a chance to sit down for something longer than 5 minutes and I felt AAALLL my muscles and sore feet from the entire day.

It was completely lovely having Killer around the end of the night. It was like my reward for a bitch of a day. However, I also felt bad that first he had a bitch of a day then had a bitch of a drive to get up to Fresno. =/ We checked into the hotel, which was also VERY lovely. I was soooo tired that I felt stoned/drunk/nauseous and I couldn't eat my In-N-Out. Killer also told me that he picked LAPD =)

Sunday

Woke up at 8am. I sooo did not want to get out of bed. Got dressed, had a crappy hotel breakfast surrounded by rude high schoolers that were bunked at our hotel. I bet they lost. I hate high school kids. Headed to Buchanan HS for Championships after a quick detour to Starbucks for more coffee. My sister was being a real bitch around that time. I can't remember the details but she said I owed her gas money, which no, I was NOT going to pay her back. She ALWAYS signs up for these trips and vacations with NO MONEY in her own pocket. And she expects me to pay for her. Hellooooo I paid for the 2nd hotel room which was s'posed to be for her friends that flaked. I only asked One to come with me on this trip and I woulda comp'd her for any expenses. I hate dealing with people that are just out-of-this world mean and unappreciative. Like her.

Anyways, this day was a whole lot more chill because Mama V wanted me to relax until awards which was super kind of her but that left me the whole day to sink into the pain and soreness my body was feeling and time to watch bands. I hate watching bands because they make me complain..and sometimes I forget to watch my mouth and my surroundings as far as supporting band parents go heh. There was this moment where Killer and I were watching bands from this secluded Top Box window and this Clovis East woman came in to shoo us out because there was money being counted on that side of the box. Killer said he "hates when people make emergencies out of nothing" and that summed up the situation perfectly. First of all, the parents counting the money ASKED Killer to help them (shoulda told the bitch that), second, I was a PAID EMPLOYEE of WBA, not some random volunteer, third, we had badges, fourth, what did we look like? Middle school kids? Thefuck, we were minding our own fucking business. I told Mama V about it, turns out the lady is a friend of a friend so I felt like I should be obligated to like her but geez. I was really irritated. Like really. And that woman couldn't tell that Killer and I were clearly more interested in each other and our private window overlooking the bands instead of the thousands of dollars being counted in the room next to us.

Awards this time around was definitely more chill, I think. I was/am very thankful for all the super enthusiastic volunteers helping me out and getting the work done until random kids start showing up, bossing each other around and taking over my duties. It kind of worries me, no way in the sense that I want to be in charge or anything, but because if anything is miscommunicated/screwed up MY name is on the line. Just like the tape exchange mishaps from Prelims. There was this once incident right before Finals awards where RIGHT when I was about to explain the next step this kid comes up and cuts me off and right away everyone listens to him, doing work on his order. I was JUST about to explain, he comes in, cuts me off, and I'm just frozen there with this flabbergasted expression on my face. And then they all go grabbing yard markers and CHUCKING them off the field. Awards is sort of supposed to be a dignified (trying to, lol) ceremony - which was why I was sooo embarrassed when I had to walk out with trophies during Prelims - I get it now...why I don't like crowds of people haha.

What else...there were fireworks AWESOME! Next year I'm going to try to pick out a song to be played during the fireworks presentation if they decide to do that again. We may have copyright problems. We'll see.

I was excited to get my part of the job over and done with but maaan, I didn't want Killer to leave =( And he kept asking me to stay =(

2009-11-24T23:51:00.000-08:00

Through This

2009-11-20T17:15:00.000-08:00

Ok, real quick I have to proclaim my love for this song.

STARS - YOUR EX-LOVER IS DEAD

God, that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said, "Yes, I think we've met before"
In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of that time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
You tried to reach deep but you never got in
And now you're outside me, you see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

Nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road from real love

Live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

As seen on SYTYCD, performed by Ellenore and Ryan, choreographed by Travis Wall. This was an old song I KNOW I had on my old Itunes but was lost in the Old Computer Crash from a few months back. It's about old lovers meeting up, reminiscing about their relationship that ended badly, but realizing that they don't have regrets. What REALLY got me loving the song was the music video, paying homage to Eternal Sunshine.

***

It's nearly 5:30 pm on Friday and I am almost the last person in the office. I was too lazy to drive home only to head back to BART to pick up Wingman. Work is AWFULLY dull when Mama V isn't here. This past week I've been slaving away at this 10 month Excel spreadsheet for 100+ students, calculating busing bills. I've luckily been hired for this project as opposed to just working for someone so I have the luxury of zoning out to my ipod; headphones on, volume up. Eventually Mama V would hafta shoot rubberbands or her Nerf gun (which I got her 2 Christmases ago to shoot at my other coworker!) to get my attention. Then Donald figured out she needed batteries to use the red laser light "You're trying to jeopardize my precision!" Mama V says. Since I'm low on cash this year I figure the best gift for her would be batteries as well as a bag of additional Nerf bullet thingers.

***

I'm REALLY excited for this weekend. Not only am I getting paid, I will be getting a bitch of a workout for my legs because I couldn't get volunteers for my site. That means the Wingman and I will be running up and down stairs from 10am - 9pm. Then, when I'm tired as shit, Killer should be arriving. =) Mama V also got promoted; before she was simply a judging paper collector whatever, and now she's the actual Timing and Penalty Tabulator. I want to get bumped up!

***

And because I haven't said it in a while...
FUCK! HOMEWORK!
yea, I haven't TOUCHED it.

Livin La Vida Loca

2009-11-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty full weekend and I wish my life was a little more dull so that I could've gotten some homework done.

My cousin Mo flew in from Philadelphia just to watch a concert from this techno dude named BT. His music wasn't so bad! Unfortunately she told my parents that the event was 21+ before I could pull her aside to tell her about my fakie. Because her concert ended at 2am, I hung out with the old folks at the lame Asian karaoke lounge to pass the time. When we reached downtown to pick her up, there were all these Marines in their Blues walking around in the rain. Mo said that the club was full of them. I guess Marines like Techno. On the drive home Mo and I had a loooong discussion about Harry Potter. Something I couldn't do with any other family member. We also talked concerts and my ass NEEDS to make it to LOTR II next year. The concert should fall somewhere around Killer's bday and I'd LOVE to take him instead of my sister who doesn't completely enjoy any of the movies.

Saturday I took my cousin to the city where we did all sorts of touristy things like riding the streetcar, Fisherman's Wharf, Boudin, Musee Mechanique, Ghirardelli Square, then back to Union Square. We also went to the Jewish Contemporary Museum to check out the Maurice Sendak exhibit which was enjoyable but not as BIG as I thought it would be. His exhibit took up a small wing of the museum which didn't match with the hundreds of advertisements and banners decked around the city. There definitely were some wonderful things. I've always loved his illustrations of fantasy combined with his use of detail from crosshatching, shading, rendering. Growing up (a Jew, this was heavily promoted, duh, Jewish museum) he was surrounded by death, oppression, disease, the Holocaust, the transition/struggle of moving to America and all of that was illustrated in his work. Yes, in the kiddy books. He used goblins and other evil creatures to represent death, anger, AIDS, etc. Reminded me of Killer's outlook on how parents shouldn't censor things from their children; the world IS a scary place. Here are a few quotes from the exhibit:

"Fantasy only makes sense only if it's rooted 10 ft deep in reality"

"...And the children get shot on the way to school, contract aids; they are in the most vulnerable position imaginable. If we aren't honest with them they'll die."

"...he wanted to blur the lines between good and evil, asking readers to find beauty in the devils, and clumsiness in the angels" (something about Sendak's grandmother dressing his sick cousin in all white so that Death would not take him; tricked into thinking he was already an Angel)

"We make up things that mean things. That's how you get through life, you make it up."

After that was Mr. Hyphen. Golfy won! Competition was tough. All the contestants were equally charming, intelligent, and hardworking. Funny how that Golfy's talent portion ended up being the fan favorite. During Q+A when asked 3 people he would like to have dinner with, he picked Ricky Martin, Michelle Maykin, and Danity Kane. Afterwards was the afterparty at Mua. I had waaay too much to drink. I need to get my act together. I'm actually kind of mad and disgusted with myself. I NEED to get my act together.

Sunday I went to Skidazzle with Jump, Peter, and Wit. Got an awesome new Roxy jacket which I thought looked "Soooo Alexander McQueen". It was from last season and priced at $139 and it was sooo much better than the rest of the crap on that sale rack. Most Womens' jackets feature some ugly graphic print or overall just lacks in character. My new jacket is black but the details are wonderful. When I showed Killer through Skype and he straight up said it looked very similar to his Blues jacket. D'oh. It really does. I didn't even realize the ridiculous similarites before I made the purchase! It's pretty on point; it's black, gold buttons with a sort of engraved emblem, red topstitching, red lining, the double-breasted detail. The Marines' Blues jacket is definitely good looking but I don't want to look like a Marine. That's his thing, not my own. Peter and Jump didn't tell me it looked like a Blues jacket so on the slopes I'm banking on the fact that not too many people know what a Marine's uniform looks like.

At Skidazzle I purchased a Heavenly season pass for my dad at $350, he needs to pay me back asap. I got 2 free drink tickets for that purchase and I totally handed them over to Peter. Got 3 free pairs of shoelaces, and 2 pairs of socks. Army green for Killer, magenta for me. =) Almost bought a snowboard but I love my old crappy one TOO MUCH. Three Red Bull shots, a free lift ticket to Bear Valley, Sierra Summit, Northstay, Sierra-at-Tahoe, Mt. Rose with a bunch of fine print, discount card to Any Mountain, and a $20 off coupon for Heavenly.

Drove around San Jose, got food at La Vic's which btw, SUCKS and the only reason I could enjoy my burrito was because it was DRENCHED in the famous orange sauce. Wandered around the zoo which was Great Mall and finally made it home.

I wish I could have taken my cousin out more while she was here, but we closed the night with a showing of The Boat That Rocked at Century 25. One of my favorite scenes, the barhopping scene, got cut out from the version Killer had. It was a really funny scene and I'm sure the only reason it got taken out was because it wasn't consistent with the fact that the movie is about a boat and they were on land for that ONE part. Sucks. In the beginning they roll the cast credits to Phillip Seymore Hoffman dancing. THAT is inconsistent with the rest of the film because you CAN'T point him out as a main character. Everyone got pretty equal screen time.

PS, Mama V's son Jason is engaged! Yay, wedding to plan!!! And it's so weird that he's walking, like 2 months ago he fell off his bike and looked as broke as Humpty Dumpty.

From Dear Spike Love Dad

2009-11-12T21:50:00.000-08:00

TO OUR LOVE

Dear Spike:

Your mother and I have been married for more than seven years now and although things aren't always perfect, I've never regretted my decision to commit myself to her. She is my hero and my best friend. And I cannot fathom what my life would be like without her.

So it might be strange for you to hear me say that, every now and again, I regret that we got married.

Let me explain.

Today, voters in Maine shot down a law that would have allowed gay couples to marry. In doing so, Maine became the 31st state where voters have decided that the right to marry should be limited to those who look like your mother and I do.

By the time you are old enough to be president, today's vote will be yet another sad footnote in our nation's history. Older Americans, who oppose gay marriage in great numbers, are taking their interpretations of Old Testament scripture to the grave. Younger Americans, those who will be voting for decades to come, simply do not care to mix religion and politics, particularly when it comes to depriving fellow citizens of their rights.

Like segregation and anti-suffrage, this too shall pass.

But today I am sickened. Heartbroken. Angry.

And I am left wondering: What good is marriage?

What good is marriage if it does not represent love?

What good is marriage if it does not represent commitment?

What good is marriage, if it does not represent the will of two people to stand by one another, for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse, forever and ever?

Of course, for most of us — heterosexual and homosexual alike — marriage represents all of those things. Marriage is love and commitment and the will to stand together, through all of life's challenges, because life is too damn hard to stand alone.

But the marriage certificate that your mother and I signed seven years ago? That little slip of paper filed away in a box somewhere in the basement of the Benton County Courthouse in Corvallis, Ore.? That legal testament to our love?

It is meaningless to me. Worthless to me. And perhaps it is fortunate that today we live so far away from the town where we were married, because I feel a burning compulsion to march into that courthouse, demand that piece of paper and tear it up, shred by tiny shred.

Yes, today I regret that we got married. I regret that we felt compelled to ask for a rubber stamp from a government that does not offer that same easy endorsement to anyone who loves the way your mother and I love. I regret that we felt the need to ask permission to love one another from this nation of the people, by the people and for all the jealous, greedy, judgmental people.

I do not regret the way I love your mother. Not one bit.

I do not regret the day I stood, holding her hands and looking into her eyes, and promised to love her, to cherish her, to honor her and to be there for her forever.

I do not regret the dance we danced or the cake we cut or the toasts we made.

Not one bit.

But I'd burn that marriage certificate. By God, I would.

Love,
dad

Dammit Commercials

2009-11-12T19:58:00.002-08:00

Two Names You Go By
1. Panda
2. Gerbil

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Thai
2. Laotian

Two things that scare you
1. Butterflies
2. The day I decide to learn stickshift

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Crackberry
2. Ipod

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Flannel pants
2. High collar lace top

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. New Radicals
2. William Fitzsimmons

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Nothing (with Killer only)
2. Traveling

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. Apartment in LA
2. Graduation

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. New Orleans
2. Greece

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Swim with a dolphin
2. Trainhop

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Fuck, homework
2. Fuck, more homework.

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Thrifttown
2. TJMaxx

Two people you haven’t talked to in a while
1. Francis
2. KellyVivian

Two favorite web sites
1. ffffound!
2. craigslist

Two Favorite Sports

1. Snowboarding
2. Swimming

Two things you did last night
1. Complain
2. Vegetate

Two shows you like to watch
1. SYTYCD
2. Gossip Girl

Two places you like to go to
1. Irvine
2. his bed

Two Favorite People
1. Killer
2. One

Two Favorite Subjects In School
1. Textile Science (owned that bitch)
2. Collection Development

Two Favorite Places to eat

1. Anywhere with sushi
2. Nola

Two People that live in your house
1. Mom
2. Dad

Two things you like about yourself (physical)
1. My eyes, bc they're bigger than most Asians, but pretty useless without visual aids.
2. Legs, thanks Dad.

Two things you ate today
1. French Fries
2. Reese's Pieces

Two people you last talked to
1. Killer
2. Mom

Two Things you’re doing tomorrow
1. School
2. Taking Monicuhzzz about town

Bored In Da Club

2009-11-12T19:58:00.001-08:00

I remember doing this on xanga and how cryptic everyone would try to be with what they wrote. I think this should be easy to figure out.

10 things you could say to 10 different people right now…

1. On top of being sooo kind, generous, reliable, sweet....you are definitely one of the funnest people to be around. Laughing at/with you makes my stomach hurt. We got super close on the NY trip that almost didn't happen and I CANNOT WAIT for our next adventure.

2. I'm really astonished (in a good way) with how grown, mature, intelligent, hardworking, and positive you are. I may have had a wee, little bit to do with your growth, but only just a little bit. You're young, but one of the most amazing people I know. PS, take cold medicine or slow yourself down. You're trying to save the world and you're only 80 lbs.

3. Here's the deal. It felt like my world ended when I let you go for the better. And you wasted it. I don't want to talk to you...yet. Maybe later.

4. One day you'll make sense to me. One day I'll be proud of you. I may even admire you, respect you, do anything for you, but for now you prove nothing to me. You're just lazy and too mean. I want to learn to love you but I don't think I have a reason to.

5I love you. Too much. Funny how we both figured NOTHING would happen between us and 5 years later you've become my everything. I don't understand why/how I used to swoop in and out of your life bc now I can't imagine what'd it be like if you swooped out of mine. It's so easy to love you. I'm so gay for you, you make me gooey and sick and cheesy. You're so wonderful it makes me want to vomit. I was sposed to be the tough girl, but I'm glad I'm not anymore.

6 We've gotten really close this past year and I can't tell if you're like my older brother or not. You call me "lil sis" sometimes but I feel older than you haha.I DO tell you what to do most of the time, I'm the boss.

7. You are selfless, sooo hardworking, intelligent, driven, loving, caring, EVERYTHING that makes up a BEAUTIFUL, young woman. What you don't understand is that you are BEAUTIFUL on the outside. Stop hiding under those loose shirts and trousers! Let me dress you!

8.I miss you so much. I didn't know I could completely admire and adore and know what a best friend felt like until I met you. And now you're halfway around the world.

9. You were the bestest roommate ever. Kind, generous, CHILL, and you even put up with my consistent complaints about hw. I hope we reunite one day.

10. You get another because you're that special. If you decide to go, I will be more proud than sad. All I ask is that you try your hardest to make it back to me.

9 things people may not know about you

1. When I find a new favorite song, I can usually spend the entire day with it on repeat.
2. I HATE being in school with a passion. I really like working FOR a school though. Gah, I always have to be weird.
3. I don't believe in God or fate or destiny. I used to believe in a hint of all of the above, but I figured I was giving myself an excuse for the things I didn't want/was too scared to control.
4. I actually LOVE working myself til I collapse from exhaustion. As in doing WORK, not the gym or homework. That stuff is torture.
5. I couldn't imagine myself getting mugged/raped/beaten. I have to win all the time. I will kick them in the nuts, pull hair, kick shins, elbow heads, poke eyes...I HAVE to get away
6. I'm really shy, but coordinating/organizing/BOSSING other people around to get the job done is the only time I feel brave. Or when I've got something nice on.
7. I've got a liver of steel and I think it is the most unattractive thing everrr.
8. I was surprised that I still maintained friendships once I got my braces on. I feel ugly most of the time.
9. I wish I could dance more, I just need the guidance

8 ways to win my heart

1.Share chocolate with me
2. Be spontaneous. "Let's go to Paris!" "Okay!!!"
3. Hard-working/independent
4. Smile
5. Low on conflict/drama
6. Get my back, especially if I've got yours
7. Make me laugh
8. Patience, I'm slow to open up

7 things that cross your mind a lot

1.FUCK! Homework!
2. Downtown Los Angeles
3. I HATE SCHOOL
4. I love him. TOO MUCH!
5. ^^^ he's my motivation to get my ass graduated and relocated and working. I almost failed, he saved me haha.
6. I miss him.
7. Bed.

6 things you do before you fall asleep

1. Think about homework
2. Call/Skype Killer
3. Pretend he's there
4. Make sure my necklace is there
5. Check my alarm
6. Pick something wonderful to try to dream about

5 things you notice in the opposite sex

1.Smile! No mean muggin'
2.Whether or not he's gangster haha
3.If he opens the door for women
4. Their drive/motivation to get things done
5. Eyes

4 things you wish you never did

1. Got on that plane from SNA to SFO
2. Moved back to SF from LA
3. Called my Mom a bitch (just once)
4. Eh, that's it

3 songs to describe your life

1. Mother We Just Can't Get Enough
2. Move on Up
3. Gumption

2 things you want to do before you die

1. Know my quality
2. Have a strawberry daquiri

1 confession…

NOT TELLING!

Somethin Like a Phenomenon Baby.

2009-11-09T17:13:00.000-08:00

I had the most marvelous weekend which consisted of marvelous nothings with my marvelous boyfriend.
Friday, he arrived at my house armed with a mini screwdriver thingy and fixed my magnifying glasses so now I feel slightly obligated to wear them. He likes them. And I feel as if the sun were to ever shine through the lenses I could burn my corneas out.

We headed out to Le Moose after where we shared a Strawberry Delight crepe and baby Nikhil. Nikhil is the little 1 yr old son of the owner and I guess they kind of just let him run around. He's starting to mumble cute baby gibberish so now I get to have chats with him. He's definitely warming up. About a month ago, he was really uncomfortable around people that weren't his mom or dad. I drove home, we watched the Simpsons Movie and did all sorts of lazy around the house. I think I beat him at Jeopardy too. =)

Saturday, I made the drive out to Roseville. I always underestimate my driving skills and overall awareness of my surroundings but I did well, haha. I kinda got lost, but I fixed it so that doesn't count as lost. I just went the wrong way. I somehow ended up on the 50 which leads to South Lake Tahoe. It was hilarious because after passing Sacramento, I was seeing plenty of signage but none of them were telling me where to go. His house ended up sitting somewhere inbetween the 80 and the 50 so I was sort of traveling the same distance but coming in from the opposite side. Thank goodness for Google Maps.

Roseville is a really nice place with that "hometown" feel that I had only previously felt from visiting my dad's old hometown in Pennsylvania. Living in LA and coming back to my house in Union City always felt weird, especially because my room was converted to a storage closet and in general the area has gotten more ghetto. Union City is stuck in this funky transition. It's supposed to be a nice suburban area; it's just the people that make it ghetto. All these gangsters hang out in the parking lot by Jamba Juice and Krispy Kreme...IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. TGIFriday's has become the new bar scene. Kids get shot everywhere. I'm trying to find out where I can picture myself living and it's definitely not Union City.

Anyways, got lunch with Killer and his Mom, watched The Brothers Bloom WHICH WAS REALLY GOOD. In the trailer, Rachel Weisz as Penelope looked like an awfully dull/fake actress but in the film you learn that that's what her character is like. I just re-watched the trailer to remind myself why I thought it looked like a dumb movie (trailer doesn't do Rachel justice). There were all these little things in the film between Penelope and Bloom (Adrien Brody) that went along perfectly with the jokes me and Killer poke at each other. In fact we were literally poking each other during the film when something familiar came up haha. Anyways, there's the director's commentary featured on the website that you can dl and listen to as the movie plays and I think I might want to do that.

Lounged around his house, got some sushi for dinner, toured Roseville's new shopping plaza which reminded me of The Grove, and begged Time to move slower. Didn't listen. =( I left his house around 11pm and he kept me company on the phone while I drove back. I was in Roseville for nearly 12 hours and time just FLEW. No fair.

Killer's mom really likes me, which is great. I didn't do anything to make her not like me but I feel like "Yay, I pass!" Killer told me that his parents are just happy that he's found someone that makes him happy and I wish that was the case with my parents. I think with any daughter parents are going to be more protective but Killer is someone they know. Or maybe not. I'm definitely not worried about Pops though, he just wants a snowboard and beer buddy. I'm more than sure Mom thinks Killer is still the same 15 yr. old hooligan that she had to threaten to "confisticate" a Zippo lighter from back in 2004.

Miss you.

Secret Menus!

2009-11-08T15:45:00.000-08:00

Jamba Juice: Jamba has an entire secret menu of "unhealthy" smoothies named after things that would involve copyright violations were they to be included on the menu. The ones we know of:White Gummi Bear, Red Gummi Bear, Green Gummi Bear, Raspberry Dreamin', Pineapple Dreamin', Sourpatch Kid, Tropical Tango, Pacific Passion, Berry Depressing, Now and Later, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Apple Pie, Fruity Pebbles, Rainbow Sherbet, Strawberry Shortcake, Push Pop, Skittles, Andres' Surprise, and Lemonade Lightnin'.

Starbucks: Starbucks will make you absolutely anything you want no matter how insane it is, according to our tipster.

"Baristas might try and tell their customers that no, we can't do that with the blenders. This is a lie. Starbucks corporate policy is that the customer is ALWAYS right (even when the request is stupid). If you really insist that you want your iced soy latte blended, the baristas HAVE to do it. If they continue to refuse, ask to speak to a manager and either they'll realize they're about to get in trouble and will fill your request, or the manager will come out and politely tell the barista to make the customer happy.

Absolutely any concoction that you can think of (involving any type of milk, syrup, coffee, etc.) will be made for you. The limits to Starbucks "secret menu" are merely the limits of your imagination. You can even bring supplements from home and ask the barista to please include that in your drink."

Well, damn.

Taco Bell: Everything Taco Bell makes is comprised of a few basic ingredients, so they'll likely make anything they have the stuff for, which is probably pretty much anything they've ever served. Examples to attempt: Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes, Encharito.

Chipotle: Chipotle will, like Taco Bell, make anything they have the ingredients for. Unlike Taco Bell, this is an official policy. Some suggestions: Nachos, Quesadilla, Individual Tacos, Taco Salads, Tiny Bean Burritos Using Taco Shells, Fresh Cilantro on Your Tacos, whatever you can think of.

Subway: Subway will still make the "pizza sub," and many other former menu items. Also, they can't sell "broken cookies," so they may give you some for free.

Not Cool

2009-11-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

Nasty Gal Vintage is looking for a Customer Service Rep and I am so perfectly and completely qualified and I CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE I HAVE ONE 3-HOUR CLASS DURING THE WEEK!!! I am so sad. I was getting sick of school in the first place, I'm at the very very tail end of my education, on my way to getting my AA in Fashion Design, can't wait to get out, and now this unattainable job is RIGHT HERE IN MY FACE to bite me! It's so hard to find a decent fashion industry job in San Francisco that isn't retail-slavery, and this job oppurtunity combines fashion as well as my 2.5 years of experience in the clerical/admin field. UGH!!! My mom would kill me if I dropped no matter how many different ways I could show her my degree doesn't matter. I really want to drop but I know if I do now I won't go back to finish...

2009-11-03T02:42:00.000-08:00

Monday, November 2

ABC: Jimmy Kimmel Live: Cobra Starship (r)
FUEL: The Daily Habit: Peter, Bjorn & John
MTV: It's On With Alexa Chung: Weezer
CBS: Late Show With David Letterman: Carrie Underwood
NBC: The Jay Leno Show: Mariah Carey
NBC: The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien: Tegan & Sara
NBC: Late Night With Jimmy Fallon: Say Anything
NBC: Last Call With Carson Daly: Arctic Monkeys (r)

how did i forget to watch tv tonight?!?! everything looks great except for carrie and mariah. i also forgot gossip girl...fortunately i recorded it.

2009-11-03T00:47:00.000-08:00

This guy has the greatest job everrr! He's a buyer for Anthropologie. He travels aaaall around the world buying furniture, fabrics, trinkets, and other beautiful handcrafted junk and now he's got his own gig on the Sundance Channel WHICHIDON'THAVE.

Click and zoom in to check out this awesome wedding invitation.

I might paint this for the 1920's party. I might also change up the font. I might not because I kinda like it the way it is.

Halloween at the Blanco House

I'm liking the visible leather belts and vests-no-jackets.

For the color scheme. Not the taxidermy.

I want to reproduce this. It's eye trippy. I think I have one more canvas around my house somewhere...

Soft, fluid fabrics in gentle colors paired with tranny fierce heels <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_nH-z_EvqRvY/Su_u1VKlmEI/AAAAAAAABj4/DXiM_YdMGj4/s1600-h/8062f1b6f776de66090844c9b894f4beffec1b8d_m.jpg">And again, same concept. Delicate ballet shoes with studs. Yesss.

Windoor!

I want this lamp!

Killer is coming up this weekend HELLTOTHEYESSX'SAZILLION

All Wet, Applesauce, Attaboy

2009-10-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago Gossip Girl had a whole 1920's theme thanks to Chuck Bass' character investing and reopening an old bar that was around since the Prohibition era. Later on we find out he bought and expedited a botched liquor license from his crooked uncle and the cops broke down the party, ultimately bringing a whooooole lotta press coverage during the breakdown of his grand opening. Then, Chuck decides that he later wants to make the club very, very exclusive by leaving the chain and locks on the front doors and have all very, very exclusive guests enter through a back door. Coolbeans!

Before I get to screen captures, this is a picture of actress Blake Lively's 21st birthday that had a 20's theme. This was her REAL birthday, not a part of the show.

Oldies, but goodies.

2009-10-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

Kevin Stewart of ESPN Magazine. First photographed by The Sartorialist on the streets, then picked up as lookbook model for Hickey's A/W 2009 Collection. His beard is fantastical.

Draw me that look

2009-10-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

Now I'm at the SFO BART station, I've been sitting here for a good 5 minutes and the tourists I sat with on the bus JUST finished figuring out how to purchase tickets.

Anyways, this pathetic little entry is to continue complaining; this time to say "Gosh. How pathetic am I?" The last entry was sooo out of character. I guess that's what it's like for a feeler that does too much thinking? I am so sure my mood will improve once I get out of class today.

Ily

Please, fix me!

2009-10-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'm currently at the San Mateo Marriott where I caught a ride with my mom. The game plan was to get here, ride the hotel shuttle to SFO, then hop on BART from there to get to school off of the Powell station. An epic, drawn out journey (kinda like me and Killer's relationship, hehe) all because my mom didn't want to backtrack 15 minutes to drop me off at the BART station.

All of the Bay Area is a disaster due to that snapped cable on the Bay Bridge. The bridge has been really annoying lately: new S-curve, the truck that flipped, now this cable. This morning the freaking car pool lane was stop and go.

This hotel shuttle is pretty convenient for tourists (I just figured out, brain doesn't work this early) because a group of them on the bus with me, they sound English, are "riding Bart to Powell Street which will take us directly to Fishermans Wharf" haha.

And I miss my person. It's annoying just being naturally drawn to someone and then "poof" being apart from it. I shouldn't have gone up to the ticket counter when my name was called because it ultimately took me all of Monday, sorta Tuesday, sorta Wednesday to get over myself.

I care about him a whole lot more than I did let's say...a couple weeks back. My defense system has gone done and I realized that I could only love him as much as I was willing to hurt and it actually feels pretty amazing.

The only way he could hurt me is if he dies (we made a deal!) And does that count as a vice? I wouldn't mind myself being the honorable sort of person that dies protecting others only because I couldn't handle being alive to feel what the aftermath of his absense and what that'll feel like. It sounds and feels selfish, and I try so hard to see the honor/death package but I really want him around. I've wanted him for a long time and I can't imagine how I could move on. Even my mother says "You're setting yourself up for heartbreak" and I really don't want her to be right. I'd rather have her mad at me than right.

I'm not normal!

2009-10-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

Killer has been talking to me for what seems like the past few days about video games. I could really care less. I should tell him my opinion in person but I don't want to give him that pleasure yet. His last blog entry was aallll about video games too. Nothing about me =(

I've been really crabby and its my homework's fault. I won't be at ease until...Thursday, 6pm. I gave EVERYTHING into last weeks assignment and now I have to fix it up again. I've been letting myself sleep (sleeping lets me pretend my life is easy) but tomorrow is the final day before Week 4. =(

Going Postal

2009-10-27T00:46:00.000-07:00

I didn't do anything productive today. I guess I enjoy being lazy right before being currrazzy stressed out.

I have a whole album on iphoto dedicated to cakes, pastries, and other desserts. Fat.

Cool. That is all.

Romantical

I dig the mini gloves. They were seen all over the runway at Bridal Fashion Week in NY.

I dig the backdrop

Really interesting dress

Awesome groomsmen photos

I want this kind of hair haha.

This couple was married in front of a 200 year old tree.

Color Palate!

I'm going to start stealing salt shakers just to use as mini vases

Dreaming of my own place. This time to share with someone. I won't make it too girly I promise!

Killer is wearing his BCG's, aka birth control glasses, but I still think he looks very cute.

Go home, why?

2009-10-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm currently on BART heading home from the airport and for some reason I feel like I've been on the train for ages!

I had a pretty yucky week which consisted of a nightmarish amount of homework. I spent Monday thru Thursday on my ass at the computer for Portfolio. I would wake up at 10am and go to bed around 2am. I didn't sleep on Wednesday which was stupid annoying. I worked from 10am all the way thru to 6am which was the time I would normally "wake up" before heading to the city. I arrived at school by 7:30am and finished up my homework by 1:45pm. I decided to pamper myself with a fried chicken/garlic fries lunch topped with a glass of root beer from Wolfgang Puck. Lunch was awfully painful. I was so exhausted that I was hardly able to chew.

Class is supposed to run from 3pm to 5:45pm but my teacher is always late. I decided to meet with him last to discuss my folio so I would get feedback that wasn't rushed. We talked from 6:25pm to 6:45pm.

Piggy picked me up on Market St and we headed over to Ikea Emeryville for Goofy's headshots.Piggy was photog, I was stylist,and Gip was there for support and behind-the-scenes photography. This guerilla-style photoshoot ended up being the greatest idea EVER because all the different room sets provided different colors, textures, patterns, and lighting styles. We managed to take over 100 photos in 15 minutes. Ikea was a brilliant idea and Piggy's considering going back for RuDee's work photos. Afterwards we went to a cafe, I think it was called "Rudy's Can't Wait Cafe" for dindin. I had some really great nachos.

I finally got home and needed to clean up my homework disaster site of a computer desk, book a flight, and pack for Los Angeles. I was up until 2am, running on 38 hours of awake and feeling drunky.

Woke up at 7am. I set my alarm at 6am but managed to turn it off in my sleep. I arrived at the airport slightly late, chose a security check point that only had one lane in use which brought me to a gate at the completely opposite (it's now 1:17 am, everything previously posted was done on the Crackberry. I'm on the mac now) and ran in my heels all the way down to the far end of the terminal. Right when I got there they called up all standby passengers and got my ticket real quick. Seat 1D, First Class Baby!

Killer picked me up and we went back to his place for a much needed nap. After that we drove up to DTLA to meet Gip and Jovi for some shopping in the Fashion District. I thought we were going to be late but we arrived before them. I introduced Killer to the Bacon Wrapped Hot Dog omggg, heaven. Finally found our company and walked through the alley. I did well, I didn't buy a single thing. =) It was difficult because ALLLLL the black and gold and studs and vests and jhjklfghldfjhgk. I picked out a great top for Gip, btw. Went to Little Tokyo for some soosh, got some yogurt, then headed back home. Went to a college party where the hostess threatened a $5 fee to those who refused to dress up for Holla-ween so Killer gave me a helmet and he wore his scarf-thing and we arrived as Soldier and Terrorist.

Saturday we were late to Thai Town to meet up with Gip, Jovi, and Piggy. They had already eaten and were getting their massages so me and Killer ate on our own and walked to the Thai grocery store to pick up some funky Thai sausage that cost me around $20. Drove to Santa Monica to chill at Jovi's crib, watched a bit of UFC, has some greaaat pasta at this Italian Restaurant, and headed to the lounge. Now, this lounge was pretty asian and I was surprised and sorta embarrassed to be there because I have a handful of friends that promote and invite me to the asian clubs in SJ (I ALWAYS turn them down) and here I was. Fun Fact: we parked our car across the street from the gym that Pacman trains at.

Sunday, a bunch of wonderful laziness with Killer. I really didn't want to leave but A.) Security line was inconveniently empty, B.) My gate was thisclose to the security line C.) I got the exact same seat in First Class on the flight home.

He's talking to me right now and I am really distracted and would rather talk to him than to the blog so goodnight.

Sleepy Poetry

2009-10-22T05:21:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to sleep but it's 5:21 am and my alarm is set at 6:00am.

He wrote this to help him stay awake as I did my homework. I'm still doing homework. Gah. He's sleeping and I'm really jealous. I'm jealous of everyone that's sleeping right now.

***

Hey there dame, if it's all the same, to you I blame, a certain someone, for the crushing one ton, of love-pounds, that hound, my focus,

That "a certain someone," was fought for and hard won, and is sitting with me this day

Brandishing a pencil, eschewing a stencil, she draws out her mind in this way

Turning her pages, she looks like the sages, who studied for what, who could say?

Wax paper in hand, she sketched nothing bland, and eeked out her graphite foray

I'll be quick to end this, since I've already sent this, before I meant this, to reach your attention, to release my own tension, I'm quitting the verse, before I get terse, with my rhymes

Tracing paper in hand*

***

Gotta make a couple collages, then shower, then off to BART.

Fin. 5:25am

PS, I love you

wow i feel nauseous! kljfhdslfkhfdg

Beyond a Reason Why

2009-10-21T02:35:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how to finish an entire collection in a week. Arkjlhsfgkljh

i miss you.

it's just 2 days of hell before I get to see you. I miss being able to wrap my arms around you, hold your hand, feel your warmth, everything. I think I'm going to bring my computer up to bed with me soon...just one more page of homework...